(Closed) Pregnant Bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask her to just come as a guest?

    Let her stay in the wedding

    Kick her out

    Other: Please Explain

  • Post # 93
    Member
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Grab some popcorn ladies, I have a story! True story too.

    I work at a bridal salon and a few months ago a girl and her husband came in to pick up her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that had just come in. She told me that she just found out that she was pregnant and would be about 6 months at the time of the wedding.  Myself and the other consultants ohhed and ahhed about how wonderful it was, but we needed to do something about her dress because it was form fitted. I asked the Bridesmaid or Best Man if she thought the bride would mind if she got a different style, but the same color. She said the bride wouldn’t mind because she knew that the Bridesmaid or Best Man was TTC (nobody knew that she was pregnant) and they are best of friends, and cousins.  So, Bridesmaid or Best Man gets on the phone with the bride and I stepped away to give her some privacy, then I see the Bridesmaid or Best Man in tears and her husband hugging her.  I asked what happened and she told me the bride flipped out and said that the Bridesmaid or Best Man “ruined the wedding.”

    Literaly 5 seconds later BM’s phone rings, it’s the brides dad! He chewed out the Bridesmaid or Best Man, also saying that she ruined his daughter’s wedding.  The Bridesmaid or Best Man kept telling him that another dress could be ordered, even something that looks similar, but the bride said no. After more yelling from the dad and crying from the Bridesmaid or Best Man they hung up. Then her phone rings again, it’s another family member yelling at the Bridesmaid or Best Man. She and her husband were at the salon for about an hour, between crying and talking to me about what to do, she got more phone calls from family members yelling at her. Keep in mind, NOBODY KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT YET…this is how they found out.

    Eventually, Bridesmaid or Best Man and her husband decided she would back out of the wedding. She told me that this ruined their relationship and she never wanted to speak to her cousin again.

     

    So….moral of the story, if you do kick her out of your wedding, be prepared to lose the friendship.  I think the only thing you have going for yourself is that fact that she did pretty much the same thing for her wedding.

    Post # 94
    Member
    2115 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    yeah i dont think you should kick her out. that is pretty selfish. so what if shes pregnant. would you kick some one out for getting fat or something? just because she was rude about it doesnt mean you should be. its not an excuse. it should be about who you want up there with you. not what they look like. i believe a wedding isnt about you and him its about  families and friends and love. i included my fiances sister n law because i found out she was going to be offended if i didnt. even though shes one of my newest friends she is apart of my new family. so i have to include her. Also my sister is trying to get pregnant and i really hope she is by the time my wedding comes around because i want her to be happy. unfotunatly she is having a really hard time getting pregnant. So i would definatly wait to see IF she gets pregnant and how far along she really will be if she does.

    Post # 95
    Member
    4799 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @Fall_In_Love22:  That is so horrible! I can’t believe people actually treat family members (people they supposebly love and care about!) in such a manner over a happy event! How self-obsessed do you have to be?!

    Post # 96
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    @Fall_In_Love22:  Good Lord, that’s horrible. I don’t get how people can react that negatively to something that is such good news to someone they “care” about.

    My wedding’s two years away and I have six bridesmaids – chances are one of them could be pregnant by that time, and it would be absolutely fine. So what if they have a belly in my pictures? They’re my family/best friends, and the pictures are there to remind us of the day and how happy we all were. Sheesh.

    Post # 97
    Member
    2267 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @Wonderstruck:  Perhaps you should be more concerned with your own attitude, as well as your rude and incorrect assumptions.

    If my sister, or Future Sister-In-Law were to be pregnant for my wedding, I would ‘flip shit’ as would everyone in my family/my in-laws. My Future Sister-In-Law is 16, she’s in school, working towards gaining University entrance with plans to take a gap year and travel; my sister is 18, about to start her first year of University – something she worked extremely hard to achieve. Also, my sister (though I love her dearly, we are very close ) can be extremely self centred, attention seeking and competitive with me – she always has been. So you can bloody well bet if either if them fell pregnant between now and my wedding, I would be pissed off.

    Obviously your comment, “Sounds like you will be quite the lovely, loving aunt, not wanting to have a niece or nephew or your sister or Future Sister-In-Law to have the happiness of of growing their family” is an assumption you made from the story you have created in your mind, about the kind of person I am, my priorities and my thoughts, not the actual situation.

    There are also reasons of my own; selfish reasons, which I admitted in my previous post and are none of your concern; that I would like to have the first grandchild. Like to have, because of course, I do not control others decisions; nor for that matter, would I treat them badly if they were to be pregnant with the first grand baby/during my wedding. As I said “The one thing I can guarantee I won’t do, is tell them I’m pissed of/upset or kick them out, simply as they are pregnant.” I am allowed to feel hurt, upset or angry, it is how I deal with my emotions and how I treat those who have unintentionally created those emotions, that matters.

    I didn’t put this information in my previous post as I didn’t realise it would be taken completely out of context to how I meant it. Perhaps next time I should explain my reasons behind my opinion, I guess I just never expected such venom from a woman who does not know me, my family, my life, my past, or my views – but only what she reads and decides to view in a negative light.

    You may also like to consider that snark, as well as personally attacking other bees and insulting them, violate the ToS of Weddingbee.

    “i.      We don’t allow posts that are intended to be rude, sarcastic, insulting, berating, argumentative, condescending, personally attacking, or that otherwise harass users of the Weddingbee site.”

    Post # 98
    Member
    779 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I understand where you’re coming from, but these girls can’t put their lives on hold for your wedding. To you, it’s you’re shinning day, you’re perfect moment in time, but to her, it’s just standing in her friends wedding. So she won’t put the same importance on the day as you would.

    My Maid/Matron of Honor is planning on getting pregnant, or is currently trying, and my wedding is 7 months away, so she will be pretty big, but I’m happy for her! I would be lieing if I said that was the scenario I had invisioned, but none the less, I’m happy. If she will do me the honor of being my Maid/Matron of Honor while preggo, ie, helping out, planning events, decorating, ect, then I should be thankful.

    Post # 99
    Member
    1163 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Mrs. Mensah:  Perhaps this girl has fertility issues, so maybe this was something that would have been otherwise difficult for her to do, so the fact that she is actually pregnant could be even more of a blessing than it usually is.

    However, I don’t think she’s right to not have people in her bridal part because of how they look, but that’s not the matter at hand.

    If I had a pregnant bridesmaid, the only thing I would be worried about is if she actually went into labour seeing as how she’ll be 8 months pregnant. I’d want her to bring her overnight bag with her all day just in case!! (you never know!!) It would probably be very difficult for her to get through the day. It’s a long day for every bridesmaid, but I can only imagine how exhausting it would be to be pregnant too
     

    Post # 100
    Member
    12242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My Future Sister-In-Law will be 38 weeks at our wedding! I’m looking forward to seeing her great with child. We joke about her going into labor at the church, and what a great story that would be after the fact!

    Post # 101
    Member
    4799 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @Mischka:  Feel free to report my post if you want rather than quoting the TOS at me – I know them and don’t think anything in my post would be pulled. What you said in your post sounded horrible – no one here is psychic, we only know what you tell us. So if everyone else is talking about married ADULT bridesmaids getting pregnant, and you post saying that you would flip your shit if your sister or Future Sister-In-Law was pregnant at your wedding, don’t be shocked when others assume they are married adults – it’s a reasonable and logical conclusion to draw. If you had said they were teenagers, well then I would have understood – of course you’d be upset and not happy for them! I’m glad to know it was an incorrect assumption, and I apologize for my response now that I know their ages (I’d flip out too!), but if you leave out really important information like that, especially in this particular context, you really have no room to get angry with people for not knowing things you did not tell us. Sorry you think it was a rude asumption, but really, what else would I have thought when no one else here was discussing teenage pregnancies, but happy and planned pregnancies? You leaving out a key detail that made your situation very different from anyone else’s is what caused me to assume and respond the way I did.

    Post # 102
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @Mrs. Mensah:  I don’t want pregnant bridesmaids ethink 🙁

    Post # 103
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    These kinds of catty posts are EXACTLY the reasons why I don’t post often on Weddingbee. I was 6 months pregnant at my dad’s wedding in early December and I was a bridesmaid. My dress was form fitting and I rocked the HELL out of it. I did not take attention from the bride at all. In fact, all I could hear were people talking about how beautiful she looked. If I had not been permitted to be in my father’s wedding just because my stepmom didn’t want a pregnant bridesmaid, I would have been crushed and extremely pissed off. I think too mamy brides to be nowadays focus on crap that does not matter in the end. You don’t need perfect pictures. You don’t need an expensive gown or for your bridesmaids to look your definition of “perfect”. OP, maybe you need a wakeup call as to what marriage is about. It’s not a fashion show amd it’s not going to matter if you have a pregnant bridesmaid. Get over yourself. If you were really a true friend, you wouldn’t even have a problem with a pregnant bridesmaid. I hope you can find it in what you have left of a heart to get over it. I would not want a “friend” like you, that’s for damn sure.

    Post # 104
    Member
    4799 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @SpookyRooster:  I so agree. Although it sounds like those two are a pretty good match for eachother since when her friend got married she wouldn’t let her friends who were overweight or wore a hijab be in the wedding party. Most of the girls here are great, but sometimes I come across a post that seriously just makes me question humanity in general. I’m glad that in your case the bride was able to be happy for others instead of worrying about her spotlight and thunger.

    Post # 105
    Member
    2267 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @Wonderstruck:  I have reported your post.

    Yes, I should have mentioned the circumstances, but I fail to see how that gives you the right to asume incorrectly and then lash out, be rude and insulting, regardless of what I actually meant in my post. Even if I had if been referring to a situation similar to the one you assumed, surely you can find another way to disagree and state your own point, without attacking another’s opinion. 

    Post # 106
    Member
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

      

    View original reply
    @kjo: That was awesome! LOL 🙂 

    The topic ‘Pregnant Bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

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