(Closed) Pregnant bridesmaid is stressing me out (long rant :-/)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

“I’ll be there if I have nothing else going on”


sounds like she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. I can understand not being able t contribute financially.. but she shouldnt have accepted the role as bridesmaid if she cant at least show up for your functions. 

Post # 4
1129 posts
Bumble bee

@CaraMia10: Well, with only a few months until the wedding, I think that perhaps you need to ride it out.  Is her friendship worth weathering this issue?  Or is this an ongoing thing (her being self absorbed).  If it is recent since she has been pregnant, I’d cut her a little slack.

Post # 5
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@CaraMia10: awe I’m sorry you are going through this! It sounds like it’s stressing you both out! I would just ask her to go to go out for lunch or to go get some coffee and play the sympathetic card… just be like “how are you feeling about the baby coming” “you seem a bit overwhelmed can I help with anything”, then when she starts telling you about how she feels just offer her an out: “Wow Bri it does sound like a lot is going on. I hope my wedding isn’t adding any extra pressure on you. I would totally understand if you needed to step down as a bridesmaid. Of course we would love for you to still be invovled- would you consider being a reader?”
Kind of play it off like you are doing her a favor, that way you aren’t kicking her out but are giving her the chance to step down on her terms!

Good luck <3

Post # 6
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with misscuppycake…

Post # 7
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So she has a baby and she’s pregnant? Sounds stressful. I think if you want to be a real friend to her, and know she will still be a real friend to you, you’ll not expect her to help much. Having someone in the wedding party means they will stand up with you for your marriage. That doesn’t mean they’ll be there for you in every situation, and it does mean you’ll have to be there for them sometimes. You’re both busy – you offer to help with her kids and maybe she can help with wedding stuff.

Post # 8
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Take it from me – you can’t control what parties get planned in your honor – you really should have no knowledge or particpation in this.  It’s up to your family and friends to handle each other and get things done.  Don’t let this worry you.  I had a similar experience but it worked out when I let go and said I’m planning my wedding! 

I agree with being pregnant and a bridesmaid she may just be able to get everyone.  It is your job to pick the dresses, not hers.  Obiously she needs help, if you care for her to stand up with you – then help her, if not then tell her so!

Post # 9
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I also think you should take a step back from planning your own shower. You actually shouldn’t even know about it let alone know which BM’s did what. If it makes you feel better, know that every Bridesmaid or Best Man has a different level of involvement but their only real ‘job’ is to show up on the day of your wedding and stand next to you. And I think 9 weeks is waaay to early for her to be altering her dress By The Way, her body is going to change so much in that time!

I had a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man who was not able to contribute financially. She was also hard for my other BM’s to reach and didn’t really participate in any group activity like planning the shower, bach party, etc. But she contributed in her own way by desiging the shower invitations and actually making me a really nice wedding present. The reason I was OK with all of this is because there is a reason I asked her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, I love her for who she is, not the Bridesmaid or Best Man I expect her to be.

Post # 10
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree that you should just ride it out. Bridesmaids don’t actually have to do anything but there for you the day of. If she mentions that being a problem, feel free to let her take the lead and change how she’s involved. But you seem to really care for her, and I’m sure she cares for you so it’s really not worth damaging that over your wedding. Just remember, your friends were your friends before you were even engaged and will be your friends when you’re an old married lady. Your wedding however, is just one day.

Post # 11
2426 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

All I know is, with all my pregnant friends, the more advanced they got in their pregnancy, the more focused they became on their own personal lives…which is totally understandable.  I don’t agree with her flaking out on you, but I can understand why her focus seems to be completely elsewhere.  If she can’t afford to be your bridesmaid, can you imagine the stress she’s going through bringing a child into the world? 

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