(Closed) Pregnant Bridesmaid Rant….

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whoa it’s like judgmental city up in here.

You think she faked her pregnancy tests (not an easy thing to do)?

I think you need to let her handle her pregnancy her way. It doesn’t sound like the greatest situation, and I agree that it was a pretty irresponsible thing to do to have unprotected sex, knowing full well that she could become pregnant while they weren’t financially ready to do so, but it’s her body.

If I knew that my “friend” was posting things like this about me to strangers on the internet, I’d be pretty upset.

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

First of all, there are many women who do not want help from a doula. I am one of them- back off on that part.

She is an adult (I assume) so let her make the decisions.  All you need to do is be there for her. It is her life you know.

If she plans on going to your wedding, her finances really arent your business.  Just enoy the special time where you get to plan a wedding and she gets to plan the baby, together!

My Maid/Matron of Honor is preggo with her 2nd baby (and I have 2) and its fun! 

Post # 5
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Oh and then the false positive….that almost rarely ever happens, right.  Even women who take fertility drugs dont get those after the 2 week wait…and she is late so its past 2 weeks.

Post # 6
Member
46326 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would back off a bit and let this woman live her own life. If she wants your opinion on something she will ask for it.

Post # 7
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that the best thing to do would be to wait until she has a better idea of what she’s going to do about this baby and then give her the oppertunity to graciously back down if it doesn’t seem fesible. 

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Seriously dude just because you are doula doesn’t make you the end all be all authority on what she should be doing, as a soon to be mother and women she has right to make the choices that are right for her.

Her boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat, and you should give her as much support as you can during this time, If she about to finish school there is silver lining here. As for nit picking her choices for what she does with her body during this pregnancy it is none of your business. I have a friend whose a doctor and she yet to offer me unsolicted advice about my vagina. I suggest you keep your judgements to yourself(and ps a lot of people have negative views of doulas and midwifes and it’s his right as the father to have say no matter how much of a deadbeat he may be) in the meantime stay out of her womb and uterus.

Part of being her friend is be there and supporting your friend to the best of your abilities and when it becomes too much or is againist your beliefs keeping your opinions to yourself. Not shoving the kind of support you want to give and assume she needs.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s her pregnancy, her body and her decisions. You shouldn’t try to push your beliefs onto her. She’s your friend and didn’t want to come right out and say she didn’t want to use your mom, or even bother with a doula, in case your feelings got hurt by it. 

You are coming across as very judgy of her adn her SO and her actions, it’s not really your place to send her information or suggest things to her. You need to just be her friend and be there for her when she needs you. Don’t give advice if it’s not being requested, she gets to decide what she wants to do and believe.

Post # 12
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There’s so much going on in this post that I don’t even know where to start.  I am sure that as a doula, you feel extra expert responsibility to advise your friend on her prenatal care, but unless she asks you for help don’t try to micromanage her pregnancy.  I know that it has to be extra tough for you, with your training and experience, but she obviously isn’t receptive and wants/needs to do this on her own terms. 

Take your wedding out of the equation, figure out how you can be supportive, and move on.  If that means that you’re showing up to her baby shower with a fake smile, then that’s what you do.  If she can’t afford to come to your cruise, then that’s on her and give her the opportunity to back out. 

I can’t imagine that she’d be really excited to help you plan your wedding right now, as she’s dealing with a pregnancy and a bum baby’s dad (doesn’t matter if you agree with this or not – it’s her reality) so if that’s what you have a problem with, then hash it out with her and be forthright – ask her if she wants to be in your wedding and if she can afford everything you’re planning.  Get your answer from her, not from being judgy on the internet.

Post # 14
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Let her do it her way and be there for her if she asks. My Future Mother-In-Law is the best source I know on how to get pregnant and chart, but I would hate for her to get in our business. I love thar she will be as involved as I ask and will answer any questions. You can’t do this for her– she has to want it for herself.

I’m not sure if you read Emily Giffin’s Something Blue, but the situation sounds similar and how friends can be supportive without being in your business.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

There is a difference in opinon between doulas and doctors(ps don’t think doctors are all right) so I sincerely doubt the information is unbias. It’s clear she doesn’t want it, I do think you are coming from a place of concern and love but your post just reeks of superiority and judgement.

Given what you said and how friends reacted, I think clearly if and when she wants your advice or help she will ask for it. Again be a moral support to the best of abilities and heavly censor what you say and how you say it.

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