(Closed) Pregnant, can't sleep DH is upset I'm keeping him up.. help!

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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LavenderMama89:  I personally didn’t like either of the U or the candy cane ones, mainly because of the lack of back, front, AND leg support. I like the “leg” one I have best, with contoured legs on both sides and a “pillow” area at the top. I also move around in my sleep a lot, so the other ones would come unhooked or move too much and I’d have to readjust everything or flip it over so I could switch sides. With the big legs of the one I have (I put in the link in my last post), I can just turn over and use that leg to sleep with, while the other leg supports my back. The legs are long enough to put between my legs too, so that’s a giant plus. It’s also super comfy to prop up against the backboard of the bed for reading or just relaxing.

Post # 32
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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LavenderMama89:  I actually had very similar issues down to Darling Husband breathing on my face! I also sleep on the left side of the bed and needed to sleep on my left as I got more pregnant so I had to face inward and yeah, he has allergies too (the whole sleeping on left side -I forget what vein it is but it really did make a difference for me blood flow wise and I was in far less discomfort) Darling Husband actually found a solution that he regretted later but it solved my problem – he bought me a Snoogle.


I had better support, the pillow shielded my face from his breathing haha and he couldn’t nudge his way into the middle of the bedsince the pillos barricaded him (I should add that I’m short so the pillow was bigger than me and I did have to do prego ninja moves to get out of it to use the bathroom in the MOTN, but it helped a LOT especially in the last trimester.

The Snoogle now belongs to our dog. Darling Husband made it a point to get it off the bed as soon as we got home from the hospital with our daughter haha. But really it helped me a lot!

Post # 33
1325 posts
Bumble bee

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If you’re struggling to keep food and drink down, I’m wondering why you’re peeing so much… I’m not trying to be mean but it’s a genuine concern if you’re urinating more than you’re drinking, right? It’s something I’d certainly bring up with the OB if it’s as weird to you as it sounded to me reading it. (it might just be misinterpretation from me) 

As for your husband’s attitude, I found narrating my entire day to mine soon drilled into him what I was going through – I’d come home and tell him exactly what hurt and how many times I’d been sick. I wasn’t whining about it, just informing him. I’d also compare it to something I know he’s experienced, like “pain like when you get cramp in your foot, but in my stomach” or “I’m fatigued like when you had the flu” so he could put it in context a bit because you can’t SHOW someone your pain. 

And for you, I’d nap as much as possible and sleep in the spare room so you can both be comfortable. At this stage it’s really hard, I know, and you need your rest right now. With any luck though it’ll get better in the next couple of weeks – mine improved dramatically after 15 weeks. Now all I really have at 20+ weeks is constant kicking from the baby… 🙂 

Post # 35
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sleep in another room for the time being. I had insomnia and couldn’t sleep well from weeks 9-15 and I would just get up and move to another room because it wasn’t worth the arguing. You should consider getting a body pillow too so you and snuggle that. 

Post # 36
4257 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

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LavenderMama89:  Mine was actually straight i think.  But i think the hook shape looks good!  You want it to put under your head, then under your side of belly, then between your legs.  Once you get all that supported you will sleep soooo much better.  Mine was around $100 I think.  And it was cooling material which will help SO MUCH in summer.

Post # 37
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m pregnant also and having trouble sleeping. most nights I end up moving between the bed and the couch(wish we had a spare room). Do I wish I was staying in bed, of course, but not if that means tossing and turning. My husband isn’t mad, he feels bad that I’m having trouble. Your husband needs to get it this quickly. 

Post # 38
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

He does understand you’re GROWING A HUMAN right?! HIS human?? You are kind of not in control of your body right now as far as insomnia, pee urges etc. – he really needs an attitude check. 

That aside, I’d say sleep in the other room for now, you need your rest!

Post # 39
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you are always sleeping on your right, and him on his left (or vise versa) do you think it might help if you guys switched sides of the bed? I’m a pretty light sleeper in terms of falling asleep and just the sound of someone breathing will keep me up.  It helps a lot for me that my husband prefers his right side, and I prefer my left… so we’re not facing each other, or at least, he’s not facing me 🙂

Do you think maybe you shoudl try to stop drinking water a little earlier in the night? That way you don’t have to get up so much in the night to pee? Not only does it wake up your husband (although too bad for him), but it wakes you up too, so does have an effect on the quality of the sleep you’re getting.  The pregnancy pillow should help, it can at least give you the feeling like you are sleeping on your stomach, even if you aren’t… which should help you feel more comfortable since it’s more what you’re used to.

Good luck with everything!!!

Post # 40
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’d just be like, “you can either put up with us being “that couple” for sleeping separately right now or you can deal with me smothering you with a pillow at 4am next time….”…”Your choice.”…


I agree though with PP, your husband needs a reality check though big time and a whole lot of empathy. I would most certainly sleep in the other room though to get the rest you can. He’s an adult. He’ll get over it.

Post # 41
5875 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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LavenderMama89:  Sound like your husband needs to listen to some Rolling Stones…”You can’t always get what you wa-a-ant…”

What a grouch.  So he can sleep however her wants AND he gets to dictate how you sleep?  And he doesn’t care if his pregnant wife is sleeping well?  He needs to get real.

The easy solution to this is the guest room.  One of you should sleep in there for a while.  

Post # 42
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As awful as it might sound, I would definitely pull the “you have no idea how it feels” card. My husband would complain about how loud I would be every time I turned over, and how he would be woken up, and it took once for me to snap at him for him to stop.

I understand that your husband misses his sleep as well, but you are doing the heavy work here. Your body is being changed totally beyond your control, and he needs to understand that. It’s not a fun conversation to have, but he can’t feel the changes, and there’s not as much to see at this point.

Post # 43
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Darling Husband and I are in a similar situation. I am 22 weeks pregnant and I’ve been getting up to pee every single night around 3-4am since like week 6.  Then I toss and turn and cough (congestion is a pregnancy symptom nobody tells you about) until I get back to sleep.  Sometimes I’m up until morning.

Darling Husband is a very light sleeper and was pretty grumpy about it at first, but he has since realised that he has two choices 1) Wait it out. 2) Go sleep somewhere else.  Either way, I don’t want to hear about it. He usually waits it out, but when its really bad he sleeps on the sofa.  

I’m trying to think of it as practise for when baby comes and wakes us up every 2 hours all night.

Post # 44
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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LavenderMama89:  Sleep is precious, and boy does everthing else seem a million times harder when you’re not getting enough. 

I’m a bad insomniac and, at times, it definitely disturbs Darling Husband (as I use my phone or move around more etc). He’s also a very tossy sleeper, which can be frustrating when it wakes me on the rare occasions I was actually sleeping. He also insists I’m a cover hog; whereas, I maintain that he gravitates towards me for mid-slumber cuddles and brings the blankets with him. My point is that as much as I love him, we do not have the most compatible sleeping regimes. We do what we can to get through, and sometimes that means nights apart. 

Start spending a few nights a week in the spare room. It will give you both the minimally interrupted sleep that you need and help relieve a little of the tension. I know your Darling Husband said he doesn’t want to be ‘that couple’ but I find that argument a little needlessly stubborn. Whatever assumptions he is making about sleeping apart for legitimate sleep related reasons are unfounded. Tell him you don’t want to be ‘this couple’ that are squabbling at each other when really you’re both just tired. As a compromise, perhaps you can agree to always sleep together on the weekend nights?

Sorry you’re having a tough time, but I would push for a few separate nights, even though your Darling Husband isn’t currently on board. I think he needs to budge on this one… Good luck!

Post # 45
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

I had hypermesis too, it was the worst thing I’ve ever been through 🙁 It made me feel sick at the SMELL of my husband so we slept separately, couldn’t stand him touchig me. Awful. Sleeping separately does not mean the end of your marriage, that’s so silly. Your health and your baby’s is more important, and when I was sooo sick sleep was the only escape I had from perpetual nausea. 

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