Post # 1
Today, a friend that I work with on the weekends at my part time job was talking to me about one of our co-workers. Apparently, my friend has seen and heard this co-worker going to the bathroom right after meals and throwing up. I told her it’s possible that it’s just morning sickness and I don’t like that she’s accusing her of this especially since she is pregnant. That’s when my friend said that it’s been going on for the x amount of years she’s been working there.
I’m not sure how to handle this or what to do. I know that it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, it’s her second one, with a different man. I don’t think it’s my place to tell her what to do for herself or her unborn child but it kills me to know how many people can’t get pregnant and this girl just seems so careless. What do I do?
Post # 3
Don’t say anything. Honestly, I know this is not your intent at all, but your judgmental comments about the unplanned pregnancy by a different man and how hard it is for other people to get pregnant mean that you would not be able to objectively talk to her from the point of view of her and her baby’s best interest. If you approach her with the mentality that she is being “careless,” you will likely not say it the most constructive way, and she will probably shut down or go on the defensive. Not to mention the strain this would put on the workplace environment! It does sound like she needs help (or at least might have when your friend first noticed this apparently years ago?), but I don’t think a random part-time coworker is the person to say it. Are there anonymous resource centers in your area? Would it be possible to put a general poster up in the bathroom with a women’s resource center helpline? I’m sure if there is a center in your area, they could give you materials. It’s a little bit passive, but at least then she won’t feel targeted and it won’t put you in an uncomfortable place.
Post # 4
I really don’t think you should do anything unless you have: A) Witnessed it yourself and B) Have determined that it is not morning sickness.
I think all pregnant people have a certain amount of sensitivity regarding perceived criticism, and if you step in and say something you will easily put her on the defensive.
You can offer support, if she says anything, or you yourself witness her going to barf, sympathize about how terrible morning sickness is, but otherwise it is really not your place IMO.
Trust me, I work in NICU, and the amount of people who fail to properly care for themselves out there is angering beyond belief. Especially when the baby pays the price. But you do really have to tread carefully in these matters.
Post # 5
I have no idea what you should do. But I agree, it could be morning sickness and unless you first hand had these experiences before she got pregnant I would be careful not to pass any sort of judgement. Is it worth it? I guess that’s the question I would ask.
Post # 6
Well firstly as a woman who has survived bulimia, while pregnant, and still battling to this day, though it is currently inactive, I would like to say, it really is a disorder. Meaning, just because a woman gets pregnant does not mean all of a sudden that disorder disappears. I really dislike how you labelled her as “careless”. Yes, being bulimic during pregnancy can be fatal for the unborn baby, but I am almost certain this woman knows this. Besides, I am no doctor, but bingeing and purging does not mean an unhealthy baby, (think morning sickness), it is only if bulimia is connected to anorexia. Sometimes you can be bulimic, and borderline overweight, so you may still be getting enough nutrients. Its a tricky subject.Also, just because she was bulimic before her pregnancy ( as you heard) does not mean she doesn’t have morning sicness, like so many woman have. Can a bulimic woman not have morning sickness?
I do not think it is your place to say anything. She probably has told her doctor about this, as things like this do come up, and being followed by a maternity doctor, they usually do weigh ins, and take vital signs of the fetus’ progression.
I agree with a PP that you should put up a poster in the bathroom or something, that she may use, if she hasn’t yet seeked help. Otherwise, you don’t know enough to say a whole lot.
Post # 9
Unless it’s consistently after every meal she eats, it might not even be bulimia. I have a really bad case of GERD, and before I knew how to manage it (which really did take a couple of years), I used to throw up a ton, sometimes every day. Trust me, I didn’t want to be doing it, and I would have been mortified if you had tried to talk to me about it. I’m not saying this woman definitely has what I had, but I’m just trying to say she might have some other health issue going on.
I agree with PPs that said you should maybe just put up a flyer about a woman’s health organization in your area.
Post # 10
Wow…what a tough spot to be in.
I agree with what everyone else said.
It’s one thing is you witnessed this a few times, but it’s word of mouth and it doesn’t sound like you are a very close friend of hers. So even though your concern is well intentioned, it may be overstepping.
I think this is one of those times where it is best to not say anything
Post # 11
Thanks everyone for your input! I’ll definitely keep my mouth shut about it 🙂