Pregnant, contemplating leaving my (emotionally abusive) husband.

posted 12 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Get a lawyer, create a separate bank account if you have a joint one, and get out of there. Document his threats. Don’t wait until after your baby is born, when you’ll be even more dependent on him. Also think about what the stress he is causing you is doing to your baby now. 

I don’t know if you’ll be able to prevent him from having joint custody, but hopefully you can make the case in front of a judge that any custody he gets be supervised. 

Good luck, Bee. You can do this. 

Post # 17
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

1) print out any proof and documentation/email yourself and put it in a place he can’t get to. 

2) contact your parents and stay with them period end

3) get a lawyer

Good luck Bee, remember your parents love you and will support you there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s going to be OK. Get out of this hell now your head and heart are in the right place. Don’t wait until it’s too late Bee. 

he does NOT need to know you’re leaving or need an excuse. Talk to your Mom and Dad about how you can covertly get you out. My Dad has a friend who is in a position I won’t be detailed for safety reasons and he made sure he was around when I moved out. He and my Dad literalyl stood in the apartment as I moved out. There was NOTHING he could do about it. 

Good luck Bee, you can do this. 

Post # 18
Member
9812 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

You need to leave. Leave for your baby.  Would you want your son or daughter growing up seeing how he treats you?  Kids can cause a lot of stress themselves when things don’t go right and they don’t behave many times.  Even people who are normally calm can lose their temper, how do you think he’s going to react when your kids do something wrong on purpose to test limits?? How would you feel if he treated them the same way?

I would document everything and record him yelling or whatever if you can.  Save any text messages.  I wouldn’t want my child around someone like that. 

Leave when he is not there otherwise make sure someone is with you.  Pregnant women are very vulnerable to physical abuse.

Post # 19
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anonymouslybee :  

Agreeing with the other Bees. A visit to a family law attorney is your number one priority.

You are wise to be cautious about your exit plan. He’ll be at his most dangerous when you try to escape.

Your local DV facility should be able to help you set up a safe, sound exit plan. I’m also including a link to the DV Hotline, another resource for assistance with your plan.

Many police departments are now educating their officers about DV. They can guide you to local shelters and other resources.

Absolutey, document everything. 

And don’t hesitate to call the police if you ever feel at all unsafe.  Don’t underreact.

Post # 20
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

anonymouslybee :  I’m so sorry Bee.

I’ve never been in the situation before, so please take this with a grain of salt, but it sounds like it would be smart to leave now. Once the baby is born you will most likely have a lot more trouble getting out of his life. I feel like once an abused woman has a baby, she usually stays because she feels guilt. I would get out when you can. 

Post # 21
Member
6211 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sending ❤️ Bee. A family lawyer can tell you what to do and in what order. Make the call today. I promise, agonizing over leaving is worse than just doing it. Once that big first step is behind you you’ll wonder why you waited so long! Good luck.

Post # 22
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

Reading your post made me cry. You are strong for recognizing this isn’t healthy & wanting to leave him. Follow through on this. You & your baby will be better off without this abusive jerk in your lives. These types of things typically don’t get better. Be strong and put you & baby first. 

Post # 23
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

anonymouslybee :  

go see a lawyer in secret asap about getting a divorce. Don’t tell you husband you are going. Get the lawyer to help you outline your plan and make sure to document anything your husband says to you from now on. Save texts with him or emails. That way you have proof of his volatile behavior If you have to fight to make sure you get primary custody. Once you have enough proof he is violent then set the divorce lawyers plan in motion. Good luck bee. Get out now before the baby comes. I believe you can legally move away while pregnant to wherever you want, but once the baby comes you could potentially have to stay in a particular city or state because the father has more custody rights when the baby is born. So get a plan together now. Protect yourself. Get a plan in place that assumes he will act the worst so you are safe. Hopefully it won’t be a horrible split but if it is, you are prepared. 

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