(Closed) Pregnant, emotional, need advice and kind words

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I just want to say that what you are doing for your niece is amazing.  It’s one of those life-changing things.  She is one incredibly lucky little girl.

Of course you feel overwhelmed.  I can’t imagine doing all that by myself.

Is there any type of assistance you can get to help out with the expenses for your niece?

Post # 4
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

O-M-G..i am overwhelmed just by reading!!!!!!! You are truly, truly amazing and completely entitled to have a good cry. Who wouldn’t?? It’s too much on your back, not to mention the baby that’s coming in due time..it shouldn’t have been this way, your first married year..but life happens, i guess, whether we’re prepared or not.

You are an amazing human being! Hope you find some kid of help/relief soon

Post # 6
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Wow, you’ve been through a lot in a very short time!  It’s totally normal that you’d be having a hard time right now; going from barely married to a family of four would be a tough transition for anyone.

You need to protect yourself right now; as a pregnant woman who has taken on a lot of new stresses and responsibilities, you’re in a vulnerable state.  You need people surrounding you who can be empathetic and supportive, not demeaning or critical.  If your family can’t fulfill that role, look for support in other places.  I don’t know if you’re a member of a church, but there are often women’s and mom’s groups that might help; additionally, there is often a lot of support for military families on base, if you can make an appointment with your community outreach person and find out what is available to you.  Also, potentially look in your community for support groups for adoptive families or foster families; there might be other people in similare situations that can commiserate with you.

Hugs.  You’re going through a really tough time right now, but you’re doing a great job! 

ETA:  As far as daycare goes, have you looked into home daycares?  Sometimes that’s a bit cheaper.  Or is anything available on base?  Sometimes they have daycare on a sliding-scale rate.

Post # 8
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@LuvMySailor:  Tough.  πŸ™  Is your family able to watch your toddler while you work part-time?  I’m not sure what your work is, but can you do it from home?  I know how expensive daycare is; it can be really tough to cover even one kid, not to mention two kids!

Post # 9
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I just want to say that I am so sorry for everything that you are going through right now. I’m 7 months pregnant and I could not imagine being in your shoes. It is extremely commendable that you are taking responsibility of your brother’s kids with no complaints. I agree with the PP that said to look for support groups to help you with this transition.

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you leaving the kids with a babysitter that you trust so you & Darling Husband can enjoy date night. You need a good support system right now, not anyone that is going to criticize your every move.

Happy early anniversary! Maybe you and your husband can have anice, romantic, home cooked meal at the house with candle lights & soft music playing in the background? You all should definitely celebrate even if it’s something small.

Lastly, big ((HUGS)) to you. You are an incredibly strong woman!

Post # 10
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’m sorry.  I know how difficult situations like yours can be.  It would probably be a good idea for everyone in the family to get together and discuss the problems you’re having and whether there is any way to make it easier.  I would also review the babysitting and daycare issues with them and if they cannot or will not help out then I would politely ask them to mind their own business and allow you to raise your niece as you are able to without damaging your marriage or your sanity.  Maybe your mom could move in and chip in with the bills as well as some childcare depending on her medical limitations?

Post # 13
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LuvMySailor:  

If these children are living with you on an indefinite basis, can you get (at least) temporary legal custody of them? Would that make them eligible to be on your family benefits so you can get military family benefits (like health insurance for counseling) for them?

The whole situation sucks, and I’m sorry you have all these difficulties at a time that is already physically and emotionally challenging and you should be able to focus on getting ready to be a mom to your own child. But I think you’re an amazing person for taking in these two little kids.

Post # 14
Member
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@LuvMySailor:  You are an AMAZING person! I am so sorry that your family is not being understanding in what you have taken under, not getting a date night and undermining your disciplining. I can understand how that makes an already difficult situation so much harder. I am also sorry your mother developed a serious medical condition, that is plenty to deal with on its own.

I hope that you find some resources that understand how big you and your DH’s hearts are and offer you some peace, understanding and love. Maybe, if you are comfortable, you could inform us of your location? There may be some willing bee’s that wouldn’t mind helping. Even if it is just leading you in the right direction for resources.

Post # 15
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@LuvMySailor:  No you’re definitely doing the right thing by enforcing rules and discipline.  Toddlers need structure in order to feel secure, and setting up developmentally-appropriate boundaries is a big part of that.  You’re doing the right thing, even though your sisters aren’t supportive.

Post # 16
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all of this. You are a wonderful person to do what you’re doing for your niece. And I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s situation. PPs have given most of the advice that I would have to give — just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you.

 

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