- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am in a pickle! I don’t know how I feel or how to deal! I will start from the beginning. I have been dating my future husband for nearly 2 years. This past spring, (Feb 2012) we found out we were pregnant! Excited and already knowing we were ready to take the plunge he proposed in July!
We are pretty laid back and aren’t concerned with setting a date, so we figure we will wait until October or November of 2013. Baby Girl is due November of 2012 and we would like to wait so we can save money and she can be a part of it!
Three days later in July, my little brother (He is 26, I am 29) that lives 16 hours or 3 states away calls the family to say he just proposed to his long time girlfriend (again and for the 3rd time he’s been engaged total)! At the time, I am happy for him! I don’t ask too many questions because I figure I will hear the details unfold as they come.
And come they did. They decide on a quick engagement, a wedding in their state, only 10 days before my due date. This means I definitely can not travel and risk having the baby while my entire family is away to their wedding.
They also decided to fly to our state on a weekend one month before their wedding to introduce their families and apparently throw an impromptu “gift card” shower that my mother condones and decided to host! The weekend they agreed upon without attempting to see if I was available was a weekend that I had already made plans for 2 weddings and baby shower of my own (a shower which i was then forced to postpone due to overlap and not wanting to overwhelm the guests).
Mother then postpones my baby shower to the week after which she later again “postpones” until after the new year and holidays, when “things slow down”.
*side note* Personally, I feel as if this is an excuse not to throw a baby shower. Mother also decided that paying for my wedding would be too expensive so I don’t get one of those either, so we, future husband and I, decided to pay for it on our own.
Meanwhile, I get a phone call from my little brother, finally, the first time I have heard from him (I have not received a call or a congratulations for our pregnancy nor our engagement) kind of encompassing all of it and apologizing for not returning my well wishes to him, mostly to talk about his wedding and check in, as he put it. At the time, we are also moving to our new home, working full time and buying a business of our own, pretty busy and no time to chat.
So I decide to be blunt and ask why it is they just couldn’t wait for the baby to be born at least to have their wedding. To which he responds with “I thought you would be happy for us” and “I was thinking vertically and this was a decision between them and God and they were advised by their elders that this was the time for them to get married.” So, kind of perterbed at this point, I ask the question if he thought that there was literally no other date and that “God” ordained that day as his wedding day. And that was kind of it. I gave him my congratulations and wished him the best in his nuptuals. I let him know that I felt that because of theirs and our mothers’ choice of wedding date, shower date and seeming lack of concern and communication for this situation, our friends and family have no real option but to celebrate his occasion and our very special day with our daughter is put on the backburner and may well happen when everyone is out of town. He blames it on Mom (who may be who to “blame” but is a story/train wreck of her own) and fiancee and that he has nothing to do with time and date and they planned everything. Then I told him that I was done talking and that I couldn’t discuss something so petty anymore and hung up.
I want to say that I am okay with all of this and ultimately, I am. I want to say that the shower and weddings are superficial celebrations and the real celebration should be our daughter coming into the world and his joining with his wife and nothing else. My feelings though are so hurt by every one and though I have tried talking to everyone, they just don’t seem to get it. I would NEVER, and I made it clear to all of them, not consider them if the roles were reversed.
One last flame to fan the fire. They said they couldn’t wait any longer for marriage because they were too tempted to have sex. Two things, they had sex once before, he was kicked out of his church establishment and they are consenting adults! (i think it’s probably pretty obvious that my brother and I aren’t a lot alike)
And last, though they say they don’t want children soon, because they each have at least 4 more years of college, I am afraid that they will end up pregnant with a due date dangerously close to our wedding day and asking for more gifts and crap and attention because they are poor college students. Likely, just before our wedding…
I have a sick feeling in my stomach and all I want is some support and truth from my family, or, I want them to understand that when I don’t return their calls, invitations etc, that it is not because I am selfish, but that I just don’t want to be around their negativity and exclusion anymore.