(Closed) Pregnant, engaged, bro engaged 3days after me, his wed 10 days before I am due

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@amyv:  I think you’re right to step back and take a breather.  I don’t want to judge your brother or his relationship so I don’t really want to touch that whole thing, but I think you’re doing a great job.  Surround yourself with people who love and support you, can you rely on your partner’s family? Could they throw you a shower? Do you have a friend who could do it? You could send invites to your family members but they shouldn’t be in charge of planning these special events for you because they’ve already shown you how much they care about them. 

Post # 4
6738 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think it really sucks that your brother isn’t being considerate of the timing for someone that should be important for him to have at his wedding.  However, I can understand not wanting to hold off on your wedding date for someone else’s schedule.  And, you can’t control when they’re going to have a baby, but I can see why you’ll feel “jipped” of the spotlight, etc. 

I think the real person to be upset at is your mom.  You already had a date set for your baby shower and now she’s changing it to another date because she’s going to have some sort of a bridal shower for your brother instead?  It seems kind of messed up. 

If it’s not that important to your brother to pick a date to ensure that you will be able to be at his wedding, then I think you should reconsider whether it’s that important for you to be at his wedding or to care, yanno?

Also, I’d say a majority of bees here and a bunch of women do not have financial help from their family, so you’re not alone on that front.  It really sucks, but if you and your Fiance can afford it, then go for it.  And if you can’t, then just elope and have it be the two of you or make it an intimate gathering with only the most important people in your life, so it won’t cost you that much.  I’m sure the two of you will figure that aspect out! 

*hug* Just let it roll off your shoulders and remember all the happiness that you’re about to embark on in your own life. 

Post # 5
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree w/ bookworm88 you should have your friends handle your baby shower instead! That’s really sad that your brother basically made it impossible for you to attend his wedding, but they already made up their minds so I would try to move past it, and enjoy planning for your new baby. Maybe someone could skype you in at the wedding reception so you could at least see their first dance? Your feelings must be really hurt, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. BUT you have a baby on the way!!! Focus on the great things happening in your life Smile Congrats!!

Post # 6
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I’m sorry your family is being inconsiderate.  You would think that your brother would want you there at his wedding!  Forget all the parties, his date directly affects you being able to be there!  That’s unfortunate.  Also, he’s 26 and has 4 more years of college? (That sounds like my brother, and no, he’s not a Dr.)

I find that when family continually lets you down the best plan is to nolonger expect their involvement, and then you won’t be disappointed.  Celebrate with your fiance and friends!

Post # 7
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@JBing:  This I agree with!!! When family/friends continue to plan or “orchestrate” events around other large very important life events (birth of your daughter) – that it is easier to just not include them anymore. I have found when you give people information they have an advantage to use it against you – granted you can’t really hide the birth of your daughter – or pending due date – however with everything I do, I make it very vague – as to not tip anyone off to trying to ruin and/or take my dates of events I would like to have! I think karma will come in due time!

Post # 8
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wait- you live with your Fiance, get pregnant, set a date for your wedding 18 months out, and are upset because 1) your brother set a date 2 weeks from your due date 2) your mom reworks a babyshower date to accommodate your brother’s wedding shower because he is hardly home and lives 3 states away and 3) your mother isn’t paying for your wedding? You need to step back and think about this- living with Fiance and having a baby is awesome, but you’re not a fresh faced 23 year old who can’t afford to setup a home or pay for her own party to celebrate a marriage. Making untraditional choices (baby then wedding), while awesome, means that you also forfeit the traditional perks sometimes (wedding paid for by mom). Also, if you’re having a local shower, that can happen anytime, but your brother is not local, which means there was no other choice. I assure you, he did not time this intentionally to hurt you, and you should be happy for him- just as he should be happy for you. 

Is it possible that you’re feeling a little insecure that your wedding is delayed and transferring those feelings onto your bro? 

Post # 9
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Wait your own mother as you say “Mother then postpones my baby shower to the week after which she later again “postpones” until after the new year and holidays, when “things slow down”. That is f*cked up, you are due this November and she thinks having a shower in say January ya know “after the holidays” is ok? HELL NO, I would be so pissed at my mom. I think a lot of your issues are stemming from your mother, not your brother. I would talk to your mom and see WTF her issue is and then I would tell her to forget the shower all together, at that point your baby will be 2-3 months old and you’ll have most of the stuff you’d get at baby showers! Does your Fiance have a supportive mother/sister/aunt or friend anyone that is close to you guys that would throw a shower if they knew your mother wasn’t? If so I’d do that instead and tell your mom to forget it.

Don’t be mad at your brother, wish him well and send a card, it seems like his fiance and your mom are calling the shots, not him.

Post # 10
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

OP, I’m sorry, but you behaved very badly. THEIR marriage is not about you, no more than your marriage is about them. They aren’t obligated to consider what you have going on in their life when scheduling yours. If you can make it, great. If you can’t, that’s fine too.

Post # 11
13888 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@dmk90716:  I wasn’t going to respond because this is a month old, but your comment made me feel like I needed to.  I understand the sentiment behind it – that their wedding date is theirs to choose.  But honestly, if I knew my sister was expecting, I’d move Heaven and Earth to make sure she could be there, because having family at a wedding is so, so important.  I think that her brother and Future Sister-In-Law were selfish in picking their date, which was essentially picked because they were done waiting to have sex (if I read that correctly), and yes, I do think the OP is a little over-reacting, but I’m sure it’s upset. 

It sounds like OP is in an all-around tough situation, and was trying to vent.  She didn’t suggest their marriage was all about her, but I think underneath it all, she’s hurt that she can’t attend her brother’s wedding and he won’t be around close to the birth of his neice.  It’s just all-around unfortunate.

Post # 12
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

View original reply

She’s having a baby, people have babies all the time. What’s to say he was going to be around for the birth of her child anyway? I mean, my nieces and nephews mean the world to me, but I didn’t stop doing what I was doing when they were born. If my sister went into labor when I was sleeping, I’ll call and check on you when I wake up. If they were born while I was at work, I’ll stop by after I get off. If she’s going to be having a baby when they’re getting married, they’ll understand if she can’t make it. It’s not like she’s not showing up because she wants to have her hair done that day instead.

I guess my insight comes from picking a wedding date and then people giving me all kinds of reasons why that date isn’t really convenient (some of them completely legitimate). My response, no matter who the person is… if you can make it, that’s great. If you can’t, I’ll understand. Ultimately, the only people who HAVE to be there are me, my Fiance and the Pastor. It matters not why they decided to pick the day that they did (whether it’s because they want to have sex or any other reason). That’s the day they picked. If they wanted people’s opinion on it, they would have asked for it BEFORE they picked it.

I just think it’s rather pretentious to comment on the date of someone else’s event. 

Post # 13
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yikes there are some comments in here for sure. Your brother is being rude and frankly selfish, and your mom isn’t being much help either. I’m so sorry you’re going through this; it sounds like you’re trying to handle a very difficult situation, but I’d be totally upset too! It’s not fair for them to push the baby shower off – I mean, you’re having a BABY! When the baby comes, it’s going to need the things you’d receive from the shower. Your brother’s “God-ordained” wedding is just a front for his selfish behavior… which is only brilliantly highlighted by his desire to have sex! What the heck??? Gimme a break! Sounds like he’s not ready for marriage, and shouldn’t be trumping you.

Also, I know my brother would NEVER plan his wedding right before I was going to give birth – I mean come on! Sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁 

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