Pregnant friend wants a very fancy gender reveal but I have to cover expenses?

posted 1 month ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
7169 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is absolutely insane. Every single couple I know who had a gender reveal planned and paid for it themselves. They have enlisted one person to be the keeper of the gender and organize the actual reveal portion – but everything is paid for by the couple. 

This is not a baby shower. You need to bring your friend back to reality and tell her that while you’d be happy to be the keeper of the gender, it’s up to them to foot the bill.

Post # 77
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

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whitums :  just did.. omg. I seriously envy all these people who have so much time on their hands to come up with this utter crap

Post # 78
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

The situation OP is describing is outrageous by any reasonable standard. It’s hard to believe this is real.

As to gender reveals in general, we didn’t have one but I don’t have a problem with them typically. The ones I’ve been to have been low key, intimate affairs with immediate family and hosted by the parents to be… no gifts or anything. It’s just a fun occasion to celebrate the joy of a new addition to the fam. Similar to WB’s snobbery toward adult bday parties, I don’t think the WB hate for gender reveals is reflective of the general population. 

Post # 79
Member
6790 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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allthatglitters14 :  “I’m going to say “hey the cake will be $150” and let her respond. If she is my friend I like to think she will see how asking this of me is unfair. If she complains then I have my answer..”

But why don’t you just have a direct conversation with her rather than playing teen girl games? (being indirect and hinting rather than coming right out and saying what is on your mind, bascially testing her- she already failed the test. She asked you to throw a party for her to her specifications. She is clearly too far up her own ass on this one) If there is an amount of money you are willing to put toward the party, let her know that. If your other friend is willing to put $500 toward the party, confirm with them and then let her know that. If she will be expected to cover any expenses beyond A+B, let her know that. If you throwing this party means you won’t be doing shit for her baby shower, let her know that.

It’s really frustrating the way women hint at things and then get upset when the person they were hinting to, doesn’t get the message or respond the way they wanted them to. If she was concerned about being rude, she would not have asked you to throw this party for her in the first place. Since she has, it’s not at all hard to say, “Hey, it’s great that you’re fancy and all, Iggy, but I need to be clear with you that X is my budget and I won’t be going over that amount so you need to be prepared to pay the difference or rein in your expectations for your Pinterest party.” Then you see how she responds to your clear, mature communication rather than basing the realness of your friendship on her capacity to get your hints. If someone sent me a message saying “Hey the cake is going to be $150.” I would take that as an FYI, the cake is ordered and I would probably respond with Thanks for letting me know! That doesn’t mean any money is being exchanged or expected. But I also wouldn’t ask my friends to throw me a party so I could tell the world what’s between my baby’s legs, so what do I know.

Post # 80
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

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emilyofnewmoon :  Agreed.. in todays world especially people should honestly feel free to celebrate any happy occasion.. like seriously why not? But this situation is just absurd.. I just find it very hard to believe someone can be as clueless and space cadet as OPs friend.. I get that maybe wedding ettiquette is not for everyone but like cmon… thinking that asking FRIENDS to host/plan/pay for (and seriously over pay in this case) is okay like.. unless you were raised by wolves i dont buy it. Think this friend is doing this on purpose to get attention and gifts.. 

Post # 81
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

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supertrooper01 :  For sure…in terms of OP’s friend, this is not about etiquette lol but basic human decency. 

Post # 82
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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socalgirl1689 :  I dunno though to me that goes across the board unless obviously it’s the person’s actual child for obvious reason. But your reasoning is that you can still care about the child without caring about the genitalia well why would a sibling care anymore about the genitalia of their siblings child than a best friend would? 

Post # 83
Member
12802 posts
Honey Beekeeper

OP, You are not “too far into this.” In fact, you are being taken advantage of if you donate a single dollar to this insanity. Just tell the other friend that you offered to help her plan, not pay. And if you’ve already foolishly offered money to this mutual friend, then just say you are sorry but you are no longer able to contribute. It really is that simple. 

Pregnant friend offered your help in planning, which was inappropriate enough. I’d go to her now and clarify that is all she meant since the other friend seems to believe you are paying and you are quite sure that is a mistake. 

Post # 84
Member
4666 posts
Honey bee

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supertrooper01 :  Pregnant friend is likely remaining quiet in purpose to see how much she can get away with having friends pay and plan for her crap.

Post # 85
Member
4666 posts
Honey bee

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soexcited123 : Seriously, is this really even a question? OBVIOUSLY, a sibling and a baby belong to the same nuclear family. They share parents, other siblings plus multiple extended family members. They usually live and grow up in the same household until early adulthood. Being siblings, they are present with milestones/life events together FOR THE MOST PART so there is a much higher level of involvement with each other’s lives compared to that with their parents’ friends (I emphasized for the most part before anyone jumps in here and starts telling me otherwise). Under normal circumstances, do you live in the same household and share the stress of everyday life with your friend’s kids? 

Post # 86
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee

WAITING FOR AN UPDATE SO BAD

Post # 87
Member
9121 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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littlebuzz :  

Yes me too. Obviously OP, it is perfectly mad she should be expecting this and you need to say firmly that insofar as there is etiquette around this, it’s that the parent/s arrange it. 

I find this fad of ‘gender’ reveal (meaning genital sex actually and not the more complex business of gender) really strange and even a bit creepily invasive anyway. Do people whip off the child’s covering and go ” look, a vulva/ penis” or what ?  And when people ask the completely normal question about girl or boy are they told it a secret until x date? 

What is wrong for heavens sake with saying “we had a little girl/ boy and are giving a party to celebrate”

Digressive rant over . 

Post # 88
Member
12802 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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elderberry :  There’s no etiquette around gender reveals. They are a fad, not a custom. I hope it stays that way. 

Post # 89
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Wow. Considering this update, I would just not respond to any further messages about her party. Totally wash your hands of it. Let her and whoever wants to plan it deal with this. 

It’s really sad that your “friend” turned out to be such an entitled brat and reacted this way to your very reasonable and polite messages. She’s out of her mind expecting any kind of gender reveal to be planned by her friends, let alone demanding a specific, expensive affair

Edit: not sure how my reply posted above yours (or at least it appears that way on my end). Guess I just refreshed at just the right time and typed fast

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