Post # 1
Going anon for this one.
About 6 months ago I started sleeping with a friend, we used condoms everytime as I am not on any type of BC. The last couple weeks he got into a relationship so we stopped sleeping together, but of course we are still friends. We see each other every day with no weirdness or anything. It was very casual. We’re both in our late twenties. Have been friends for the past three years.
I am now two weeks late. I tested and sure enough, two lines. How do I tell him? Or do I wait to tell him until I’m further along? I’m so nervous about how this entire situation is going to work out. Also, he’s SO happy with his new girlfriend and sees a future with her and I’m super happy for him and them as a couple, and now I feel like I’m going to ruin everything.
Post # 2
You need to tell him right away.
Stay strong! I am so sorry you’re going through this, please seek out support from someone you can trust…that will help you immensely during this tough time.
Post # 3
I don’t think waiting until you’re farther along would help, unless you were to lose the pregnancy and therefore avoid telling him at all, but even then that wouldn’t be healthy for you to have to shoulder it all on your own without him knowing. Ask him to meet up someplace private and tell him straightforwardly. It’s bad timing but it’s not really something you can hide.
Post # 4
Tell him right away so the two of you can make a decision as to how you would like to proceed.
Post # 5
I would tell him. then you can discuss your options and you can make an informed decision.
Post # 6
Don’t people usually wait, though? Should I see a doctor first and get a sonogram and everything? Or would that be depriving him of doing all those things, IF he wanted to. This is a first for both of us so I’m just lost on what to do first, second, third, and so on.
I’m worried that I tell him, then we go to the doctor and I lost the baby, or there was no baby or something is wrong. Then there was no reason to tell him in the first place and I caused all this worry.
Then I’m also worried I do the doctor app. first, see that everythings fine, then tell him, then he feels left out of doing the doctor app. with me.
Post # 7
I would go and get a test done from a doctor just to confirm its a positive test and then tell him but do not wait any longer than that
Post # 8
anonon22 : people usually wait to tell friends and family, not the father of the baby.
I would tell him now.
Have you scheduled your first appointment yet?
Post # 9
call a doctor. they will give you a blood test and then you will know for sure. sonograms etc. come later. I would maybe wait until the blood test was done. As for worrying if something happens and you told him for nothing, you can’t think that way. He has a right to know and there is no reason for you to worry on your own. it’s still 50% his responsibility and he is a friend and not a random one night stand. the waiting is meant for other people. not for the other parent.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
anonon22 : Agree with PPs. Blood test right away to confirm, then tell him in person immediately. There’s no reason to delay the inevitable.
Post # 11
Definitely tell him. He has a right to know, and I’m sure he would want to be there to support you and to help with decision making, no matter WHAT happens.
His incredibly new relationship is NOT your priority right now.
Getting help and support from your friend is. This is 100% the time to be selfish.
Post # 12
anonon22 : you tell him what you know and what you’re going to do to confirm it. That’s all. Nothing more or less.
That keeps speculation and doubt out of the picture, and he will be involved from the beginning.
Post # 13
BalletParker : That is a good idea. Let him know I got a positive test but am still going to confirm it with a blood test.
No doubt he deserves to know, I’m just so worried about how this is going to play out. I know he’ll be completely supportive and I know I’ll feel better after I tell him, but I just feel uncertain about everything.
Post # 14
MrsBeck : I haven’t yet. I just found out this morning, the plan is to call Kaiser, but I wasn’t sure how fast everything would happen after that.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
If there’s any chance at all that you might terminate the pregnancy or that he will very much want to, you should probably start having that conversation sooner rather than later. Don’t wait til the sonogram and all that.
Actually, regardless of what you choose to do, it’s kind of a dick move to be like “Hey I’m 4 months pregnant!” Definitely sooner rather than later is good.
Good luck and deep breaths!