Pregnant – Not sure how to feel

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee

I would say that first you should decide what you are planning on doing *if* you are pregnant. Or rather, what would you want to do in an ideal world ignoring his relationship and any other issues. Would you want to keep the child, would you want to terminate,  do *you* want him to come to appointments with you, do you want him involved in your pregnancy etc. (While you’re still pregnant, this is entirely your body and he isn’t entitled to go to appointments with you if *you* don’t want him there – even if he wants to be there)

Once you decide what *you* want, then you should go to the doctor and confirm the pregnancy with a blood test. Once you’re sure, let him know what and tell him what your plan is. Then give him time to decide what he wants

Post # 17
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

bumblebug :  I’m not sure she should pressure herself into a decision like that, or have to make it alone.  The typical guy in this scenario is going to try and press for an abortion.  Best not to let him manipulate you but will be good to see where he stands.  After she confirms with the doctor, loop in close family, like her Mom, to process it all over the next couple of weeks. 

Post # 18
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think it is best to go ahead and tell the father. It takes awhile until you usually have a sonogram, so I wouldn’t wait that long. You could go get the blood test first if you like, but I wouldn’t wait too long before you tell him. 

Post # 19
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee

bridetobe2018 :  Wouldn’t deciding if she wants to keep it before telling the father be stopping him from manipulating or pressuring her? And really, it’s her body. The final decision comes down to her and her alone.

Post # 20
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

bumblebug :  Sure, but if she needs to tell him “right away” don’t you think that deciding whether or not to terminate is a pretty advanced decision to make in such little time?  It would be far worse to commit to an abortion without thinking it through, telling her friend and him relying on that, only to take it back weeks later when she had a bit more time to stew over it.  

Post # 21
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

anonon22 : I think you should see a dr first and then decide what you want to do and then tell him. Im sure you’re going through so many emotions right now and being currently preggo I know the hormones can be awful so give yourself some time to process. It’s not 100% fair but this isn’t a normal situation.

Post # 22
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You need to tell him before he falls too far into the relationship he is in because he may be shallow enough in to allow a chance of a relationship with you unless you absolutely don’t want that, but he will need as much time to process this as you do and waiting until you are further along will be more of shock as your belly grows and there is physical evidence and less time to prepare for a baby.

They won’t do a sonogram untl youre about 11 weeks.

Post # 23
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t really see the need for confirming with a doctor. If the test was positive, you’re pregnant, and most doctors won’t see you unless you have a history of complications until 8 weeks.

I agree with PP that you should tell him, I just don’t think you need the doctor piece before doing so. If you miscarry, which I hope doesn’t happen, it was still his baby and you won’t have told him for nothing. 

Post # 24
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I would say that unless you know for absolute sure that you want to terminate (in which case I’d be inclined to just not tell him), then tell him.

Post # 25
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ok, I am sure this will sound harsh, but I don’t think you should worry about the father right now. And yes, wait to tell him. You are not obligated, in my opinion, to tell him “right away.” My attitude is based on personal experience. Years ago, I had a pregnancy scare with a man that I loved and envisioned as a future husband. He pressured me relentlessly to have an abortion, even before we had confirmed I was pregnant (fortunately I wasn’t). He changed completely, and I saw a side of him I had never seen before.

There are three paths a woman can take in this situation: raise the child, abortion, or adoption. If you are uncertain of your path, you need time to think it over. It’s not a joint decision, it is YOUR decision. If you already know the path you are going to take, then you still need time alone to take steps in that direction.

I doubt very much that this man is going to be a fountain of support for you right now. I doubt he will be excited about visits to the doctor or feel left out. He is going to panic. Possibly try to make you feel guilty, that you are ruining his life.

If you do want to keep and raise this child, you DO NOT have to feel guilty about it.

Post # 26
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee

As women are so wont to cry “Your body,  your choice.”  Determine what YOU want to do, regardless of the father.   Buttress your decision with supportive family and very close friends.   Then tell him.

Post # 27
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

bumblebug :  not necessarily. Even if she tells him she has made a firm decision to keep the baby, many men in this situation would still react by applying intense pressure to change her mind, trying to make her feel guilty about ruining his life, etc.

 

Post # 28
Member
6941 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you need to see a doctor to confirm with a blood test, and potentially an ultrasound to see exactly how far you are. At that point you need to decide what to do…if you plan to keep it, or have an abortion. Once you’ve made a decision you absolutely need to tell the dad.

Post # 29
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you should take some time, whether that’s a few days or a few weeks, to get your head around this situation before you tell the father. If it were me, I’d want the support of my best friend and maybe my family before I talked to the baby’s father about this. You are at the very beginning of your pregnancy, there is no need to panic right at this moment and feel like you have to make a huge decision about anything today. 

Post # 30
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

A home pregnancy test is as accurate as anything a Dr will give you.If it’s positive, you’re pregnant.

You probably won’t see your Dr for several weeks, most wait until closer to 10 because either a) you’re having a healthy pregnancy, but there’s nothing to do/see yet, or b) you may lose the pregnancy so early, and nothing they do can prevent that so there’s not really much of a point.

It is his child too, and I agree he has a right to know (particularly if you’re looking at waiting to the 8-10 week point for an appointment), but I don’t think he needs to know TODAY. Give yourself some time, think it over…if you think you will feel comfortable telling him, then do so. You don’t have to decide NOW hwta you’re going to do, but I don’t think it’s a bad idea to start thinking about your options, and whether his support would change your mind in any way.

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