Post # 31
If I was in your situation here’s what I’d do:
Give myself a few days to work out whether I wanted the baby with the possibility of doing it alone. Don’t tell the father in this time to ensure clear thoughts
Tell the father if you plan to keep the baby regardless of his input
If I decided not to keep the baby I wouldnt tell the father and I’d confide in a close friend or family member to help me through the emotional effects of a termination.
I don’t envy the position you are in and I feel for you. Hope it all goes the way you want it to.
Post # 32
It’s totally up to you on what you should do.
If it were me in your situation, I would tell the father immediately. Again, that’s just me. I’m currently pregnant. I called my OBGYN’s office around 4-5 weeks and they didn’t schedule my first appointment until after I was 8 weeks. Also, as a side note from someone who had not been previously pregnant, they don’t count from the date of conception, but two weeks before, essentially, so if you’re on a 28 day cycle, it’s the first day of your cycle. So essentially, although you’re two weeks late, you’re possibly six weeks pregnant.
Post # 33
If you have a positive test, there isn’t anything a doctor is going to tell you that will change the situation. Those tests are accurate, you’re pregnant. I don’t think you need to tell him TODAY, you can certainly give yourself a few days to adjust and come to term with your feelings and what you want to do. But definitely don’t let it linger more than a week or so without telling him or making the decision on what you want to do (I couldn’t tell if you already knew or not, sorry).
Post # 34
Even if you lose the baby, you shouldn’t have to go through that alone!
Post # 35
MeandYou : This is exactly what I would do as well.
OP, I do not think that you are obligated to tell the father right now. I would first decide what you want to do and lean on a best friend or close family member for support.
Post # 36
- Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel
anonon22 : You definitely need to tell him right away! It’s probably going to be very hard but I rather not keep secret this big! Good luck bee
Post # 37
Thank you everyone for the supportive responses! I haven’t thought about abortion, but I do know it is my body and my choice ultimately. I think, even as scared and nervous as I am, I will not go that route. I would be fully capable of taking care of things on my own with or without help, and while this is a complete shock, I just don’t see myself doing that.
With that being said, I don’t see his reaction changing my mind. I am worried about our friendship. This will change our dynamic completely, and it worries me. I know that isn’t the most important thing to think about right now but I’m being honest. I have no idea how he will respond. He is normally very level-headed (more than me even), but this is something that is going to blow him away and I am prepared for a hugh freak out. But, like I said, I don’t know how he’ll react and he may want to be apart of the doctors appointments and be involved. I know I am not obligated to involve him in doctors apps, so hopefully no one thinks that. But this wasn’t a one night stand with a stranger, and I feel like he deserves the opportunity to be apart of the process if he chooses to.
I called Kaiser and they said I don’t need an appointment to take a blood test. I am doing that today and then will tell him once I get the results in a couple days, even though I’m sure the home test was accurate.
Post # 38
anonon22 : Good luck bee! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Post # 39
Post # 41
anonon22 : I think you are doing the right thing. If you can raise the baby by yourself go for it. I wouldn’t worry about the friendship you have with him too much, it will obviously change, but you know what, it might change for the better.
If you’re super lucky it might end up in a Bridget Jones Baby senario…I know sounds imature but it could totally happen.
Keep us posted please! I am curious to see his reaction
Post # 42
shakespearecake : I haven’t seen that yet, but I may watch it now!
And yes, I will update for anyone that is interested. I’m feeling hopeful, but I get waves of worry and vunerability and kind of want to cry. But then I feel good again. I also haven’t had any morning sickness so thats nice.
Post # 43
bridetobe2018 : I actually don’t think she has to tell him right away. Probably before the first trimester is up (if she decides to keep it) so that he can get prepared too. But I think she should make her decision, do whatever doctor visits she wants on her own and take her time. I think she shouldn’t be thinking about what he wants with regard to the pregnancy and what appointments he wants to go until she decides what she wants. And if he doesn’t go to any or she terminates, or he knows only after viability (or some other milestone) then that’s fine.
I think it’s important for her to be very sure what she wants so that if he tries to pressure her either way, she can be more solid in her response because she’s not wavering.
Post # 44
All the bees have given all the good advice already so I just want to say good luck bee. I hope this situation turns out the best way possible.
Post # 45
bumblebug : I understand the worry that he will pressure me one way or the other, and I know it sounds naive to say ‘oh, I know he won’t do that’ because when it comes down to it I really don’t know how he will react. But, I do know myself and I know when I talk to him I will have my thoughts in order and will not let him push me around one way or the other. With that being said, he is a friend and I do think he deserves some input, or at least to be given the chance to express how he feels about the situation and us talk it over together.
I was thinking of waiting incase there was a miscarriage or false positive, but I don’t think that is the case here. But after further thought I realize if I do lose the baby then I would be facing that completely alone and could feel guilty moving forward, knowing that a good friend of mine has no idea it ever happened. I would feel bad about that and it’s just not a secret I would want to keep.
I am still worried about his current relationship, and turning his world upside down. But, my world is also taking an unexpected turn.