(Closed) Pregnant sister wedding drama. VENT.

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Put yourself in my shoes.. how would you feel?
    Flipping $h!t : (15 votes)
    21 %
    A little upset : (23 votes)
    33 %
    Chill : (15 votes)
    21 %
    Who cares? : (17 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Normally I do not fall on the side of the bride in these situations, but I think the aspect of making the family choose which they want to attend is nonsense. I do understand her wanting to have a baby shower before the baby is due (that’s the traditional way to do that) but it didn’t have to be so close to your bridal shower. In her defense — her in-laws could have picked the date. You’re allowed to be slightly upset, but end of the day (hopefully) you get married to a wonderful man, she gets a healthy baby, and neither of you are going to care about this in six months so it’s best to just let it go.

    Post # 4
    39 posts
    • Wedding: November 2008

    Why is she having the baby shower in June and not closer to her due date?

    Post # 5
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Could the baby shower be the same weekend as your bridal shower, one on each day, so that the distant guests only need to travel once?

    If your sister insists on keeping the 30th, I guess the guests will be in the difficult position of choosing and let the chips fall where they may.

    Maybe it would help if your mom carefully suggested that it would be extra lovely for the baby shower to be after so that people can actually meet the baby?

    Tough situation. I can see both sides but ultimately I think she should defer to the bridal shower plans as they were in place first.


    Post # 6
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Actually, June is a little early if the baby is due in Sept. I think her postponing it until early August would be the perfect solution.


    I’m torn about the both in one weekend suggestion. My sister and I are very close in age so I get where you’re coming from, but if I was a close cousin and HAD to go to two showers in one weekend I’d be annoyed to be honest. 

    Post # 7
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @OnceUponATime:  *slaps forehead* Dang, that is rough. I’m sorry, that is a difficult position to be in and for your bridal shower guests to be in. Well, I guess you can be grateful she didn’t book her baby shower a week before your wedding. Embarassed Sheesh. I like a previous poster’s suggestion of having the bridal shower and baby shower on the same weekend to give guests the chance to attend both. Doesn’t she see you both have mutual guests that could benefit?

    Post # 8
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It is so nice that out of town relatives may be able to afford to attend showers at all. If I was your relative, I would likely only make it down for the weekend of your wedding, and would be hoping the baby had arrived so I could visit. What would be best is if you could have a morning shower for one of you, and an afternoon shower for the other, join the same day, so everyone gets to go to both. Having them in the same couple months will be just as hard for most people as having them in the same month. 

    Post # 10
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I actually have to say that I think what your sister has done is not right. I can only speak for my relationship, but my sister is my best friend, and if I knew she was getting married in September I wouldn’t try to make the build up to her wedding all about myself and my pregnancy if I was pregnant. I honestly think you sister should try to talk to her in laws about hosting the shower later in the summer. If she’s not due until September she has plenty of leeway. While this moment in her life is special, so is this moment in your life. 

    Post # 11
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @OnceUponATime:  I thnk you’re both being ridiculous.  You have to know it’s wrong to ask a family member to put off TTC for your wedding (and I think you get that).  Your sister needs to realize that a shower is a gift, not a requirement, and she shouldn’t have made a stink about your Mom’s generous offer.

    In what capacity is she making people “choose” which event is more important?  She sounds like a drama queen.

    I agree with the suggestion of having both showers on the same day at different times.  If you agree on that, I think for the sake of your guests, you should limit the showers to 2 hours tops!  Two showers in one day… makes for a LONG day for your guests.  Additionally, either one of you may want to consider a display shower (gifts come unwrapped) so people don’t have to sit through two events watching you guys open gifts.  (It would make more sense to do this for the baby shower btw).

    I know you’re upset, and rightfully so, but try to look at it like this… you both have these wonderful things happening in your lives.  No sense in trying to steal each other’s thunder or act like your event is more important, etc.  A wedding and a baby… it doesn’t get much better than that!  You guys should be THRILLED for each other!

    Good luck!

    Post # 12
    437 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think it was wrong to ask her to try not to be 9 mo pregnant on your wedding day.  My brother and his wife were going to start trying right after their honeymoon, which was just over 9 months before my wedding day.  I asked them POLITELY to maybe consider holding off for a couple months, because I’d be devestated if she was too pregnant to travel, or if they had JUST had a baby and didn’t want to travel with it (or leave it with a sitter).  My siblings and I are close, and I want them at my wedding!  They were very receptive, it wasn’t a big deal at all.  It’s all in how you ask.

    That being said, I think in your situation, the idea of doing both showers the same weekend sounds like a pretty good one…

    Post # 13
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have a couple questions:  are most of the family/friends who will be invited have to travel via plane and get hotels?  Is that why you think having two showers a week apart will ultimately make the guest list drop?


    I hate to be a party spoiler here, but I am not going to elaborate measures to attend any shower.  Especially not when its surrounding the fourth of July holiday.  I think the attendance will be down anyway because of that fact.  Shower on June 30 might fare better than the July 7 shower (unless you’re not in the U.S.)  For me and my family, our fourth of July celebration (which is a tradition for us) wouldn’t be impacted by a shower.


    I will travel for weddings.  I will not travel for a shower. 

    Post # 14
    7679 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    OK I won’t harp on it either but for the record I disagree with a couple of PPs: I think it’s never ok to ask someone not to get pregnant.

    Anyway. Your sister’s allowed to want a baby shower before baby is born, especially since her in-laws are willing to host it. And then, I’m guessing, there were only a few dates she could choose from. I don’t think that many guests will be affected. I wouldn’t worry about it.

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