Post # 1
Everyone in my family is a strict Catholic and they have very conservative views on relationships, marriage, and sex. I go to Church regularly too but I’m not as conservative as they are. They were not pleased at all when I moved in my with my FH before marriage and let it be known that they were not happy. I heard about it for months.
Anyway, my wedding is still a few months away and I discovered over the weekend I am pregnant. I had been sick and feeling weary for some time, and because of side effects was off the birth control I was taking but was looking into other birth control options. I had suspected I was pregnant for at least a couple of weeks because of these reasons. Test confirmed it.
It was obviously not planned but my FH is very excited and happy. We were planning to TTC soon after our wedding and it’s happened a bit sooner. We are happy and looking forward to being parents!
But I am already stressed wondering what my family will say and think. My mum and grandmums in particular will not take this news well and our extended family is very close but several of my extended family members are very judgemental and have a habit of sharing their opinions when nobody asks.
How should I go about it?
Post # 2
elfbee : Could you maybe…move the wedding date up? That might be ridiculous advice, but Idk! Worst comes to worst, they’ll forget all about that judgemental BS once that beautiful baby is born.
Post # 3
elfbee : Omg, this is my story but my fiancé is Muslim so he’s the religious one of the couple. When exactly is your wedding? I found out in August that I’m pregnant, wedding is in a week and a half, decided not to tell anyone and will do it after the honeymoon and obviously when I give my due date people can decide to do the math 😂
Post # 4
The baby isn’t going away, they can’t change this so what’s the point of them getting upset over it. What is done is done.
You’re getting married anyway.
Post # 5
Is it possible to get married (courthouse) now and then have the wedding next year? Or will your family not accept that as a ceremony unless it is religious?
Post # 6
missviolet92 : Fiercely religious families often don’t think that logically unfortunately. They will likely be upset irrespective of whether they can do anything or not.
Post # 7
lavender9 : my family are religious and similar things have happened. One of my cousins got pregnant at 19 & hid it from her Mum for 5 months and then her brother moved in with his gf. My aunt wasn’t happy about either but the end of the day, is it worth having a huge fight with your daughter of it?The daughter won’t visit and then you both suffer. Also you cant have a grandkid in the middle of it – you just have to love them.
I doubt my parents were happy when I moved in with my bf now husband, they didn’t say a word though. I’m an adult and in charge of my own decisions.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
liyag : Yea definitely that’s what I came here to tell.
I want to tell though, a baby is a magic in these situations. I’ve witnessed a very religious family accepting the situation after the baby was born. So, you may need to be very patient until they realize it, even if the wedding may be a hustle.
Post # 9
Personally…I probably wouldn’t tell them. If your wedding is only a few months away, and you’ve only just discovered you’re pregnant, presumably you won’t be showing at the wedding. Tell them afterwards and they can work it out.
Also, (sorry to be depressing) I miscarried at 13 weeks so don’t intend to tell anyone before then should I have a future pregnancy anyway. If you’re only in early pregnancy I don’t feel there’s a rush to tell them.
Post # 10
They’re Catholic, eh? Then they should be willing to respect what Pope Francis has to say about all this:
“I forbade performing religious marriages in Buenos Aires, in cases that we call “matrimonios de apuro,” “rushed” weddings, when a child is on the way. Now things are changing, but there is this: socially, everything must be in order, a baby is coming, let’s get married. I forbade doing this, because they are not free, they are not free! Perhaps they love each other. And I have seen beautiful cases, in which then, after two or three years, they got married, and I saw them enter the church, dad, mom and baby, holding hands. But they really knew what they were doing.”
Post # 11
I’m catholic too. If I’d gotten pregnant before we got married my prenatal would’ve ecstatic as they really wanted grandkids.
Babies change everything. Though I do agree what a pp said earlier: could you just not say anything? How far along will you be?
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
Because they already know that you are living together, they already know you are having non marital sex. A pregnancy shouldn’t be surprising to them.
Post # 13
My family is also Catholic and they weren’t happy when I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband), I heard the usual complaints about how I was “giving myself away for free”. If I had gotten pregnant they definitely would’ve insisted on marriage ASAP. In your case, your wedding is only a few months away ! And like pp have said, you may not be showing by then. Personally I wouldn’t tell them until after the wedding. Then they can’t say anything you’re already married ! And if they do so what their opinions can’t change what’s already happened. Congrats on your pregnancy wishing you a happy 9 months !
Post # 14
If the wedding is only a few months away, I wouldn’t say anything, and announce shorlty after the wedding. Chances are you won’t be showing much, if at all by then. Does your dress have a corset style back? Or is it a zipper and buttons? If it’s zipper and buttons, I would talk with your dress alterations person about letting it out an inch or so, though. Just in case. Early pregnancy bloat sucks and is very uncomfortable under restricting clothes.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
Congratulations on both accounts! 🙂 What a wonderful season for you!
My advide: if you choose to tell them, you’ve just gotta get it over with, but DO NOT shroud the announcement with any guilt/shame/embarassment. Show just how excited and proud that you two are! Hopefully, they will surprise you.