Pregnant. Wedding next year. How to tell my religious family?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

You can’t control what other people think or feel, you can only control your reactions to them.  

Choose to react to any negativity with ambivalence, and to any joy with joy — because it IS a happy event, because the two of you are happy about it, and because it’s so much better for your physical and mental health.  

Two other thoughts:  my guess is, with the wedding in near sight, they won’t at all be unhappy about this; also, as a recovering Catholic, I can say with certainty that many of your judgmental family members are no holier than you are in God’s eyes.  I’ve come to believe that in the end, we will be judged more by how we’ve treated people than by how we’ve complied with other people’s interpretations of how we should live.  

Post # 18
Member
9926 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

(Comment moderated)

Post # 19
Member
8056 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Tell them and if their reaction is anything but love and excitement then just walk away. Seriously. Every time they say something mean or judgmental just….leave. You don’t need to tolerate other people’s bullshit just because you share a bloodline. Surround yourself with people who care about you more than a book. 

Post # 19
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

You should have put your foot down when they were guilt-tripping you after you moved in. It’s not their business and if they can’t be happy for you, just don’t see them until they can keep their comments to themselves.

Post # 20
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

You might tell them that you have good news and great news.  The good news is that you did not break the Church’s teaching on practicing artificial birth control and the great news is that they are going to be grandparents.

Seriously, I would tell them that you love them, you respect them and you hope they can be happy with you as you and your FH are very happy.  They may not love the order of things, but they will, no doubt, love your little bundle of joy.

Congratulations.  Please take good care of yourself and rest when you get tired.  Pregnancy and wedding planning will take it out of anyone.

Post # 21
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

cart :  “also, as a recovering Catholic, I can say with certainty that many of your judgmental family members are no holier than you are in God’s eyes.  I’ve come to believe that in the end, we will be judged more by how we’ve treated people than by how we’ve complied with other people’s interpretations of how we should live.  “

I’m Catholic as well and couldn’t have put it better myself.

Post # 22
Member
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

westtexasrev1 :  yeah… I was about to say they are catholic…. they tend to be pro babies… and given that you’re already planning to marry, I wouldn’t think it’s a big deal.

Post # 23
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

Can you marry sooner? Or elope and then just have a reception for everyone on the date that you originally planned?

Post # 24
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Don’t tell them. Ever. At all. If they ask you, say yes. If they’re are rude, leave/hang up/delete.

You might consider canceling the wedding and getting married earlier at the courthouse with a couple of friends. A big wedding full of relatives judging you as sinful is not something you need.

Post # 25
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

I’m cracking up at “Good news!  We didn’t use birth control!”.  (I’m pretty sure she said they did, though.)

 

The first step is to wait until the second trimester.  You don’t want to hear any bullshit “it was god’s will not to bring a bastard into the world” type commentary in the event of a miscarriage.  Hopefully no one would be that much of an ass but, anyway, wait.  There’s nothing to lose by not telling people until the second trimester if at all possible.

 

Then call them up to say “Guess what!  We’re having a baby!  I’m due in May.”  If they start in with chastising you, cut in: “Fiance and I are so excited.  We can’t wait to be parents!”  Should they not take the hint, hang up.  For in person conversations, walk away.  Make it clear that you will not entertain their judgment.

 

This part is tongue in cheek… research your family tree, checking birth dates and wedding dates.  I’ll bet someone had a healthy 8lb “preemie” somewhere along the line.  Arm yourself with this information. wink

Post # 26
Member
6737 posts
Bee Keeper

elfbee :  When is the wedding and how far along will you be? 

Congratulations! This should be a happy time, don’t let anyone take that away from you. Perhaps this exciting news is something to keep between you and your Fiance through the first trimester. 

I was raised Catholic–I remember when I first knew my parents’ wedding anniversary and did the math. And laughed out loud. So many Catholic preemies…if children are a gift from God you’re just receiving yours a tad early. If anyone tries to make you feel bad about this remind them every baby is a blessing. And turn the other cheek (aka walk away from the person who is making you feel bad)! Hugs and joy to you and your Fiance. 

 

Post # 27
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

If they’re just gonna be assholes, maybe just show up with a baby once they’re born lol. Can’t be mad then, right?

Post # 28
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

cassandra7 :  . A big wedding full of relatives judging you as sinful is not something you need.

So true!

Post # 30
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

elfbee

elfbee :  You might not be showing much (if at all) at your wedding unless your dress is super form-fitting. I didn’t show with my first until 20-ish weeks. I just looked a little rounder than normal:)

 

Tell them when you want to, whether it’s after your first trimester or after your wedding.  

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