Pregnant. Wedding next year. How to tell my religious family?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 61
339 posts
Helper bee

elfbee :  Yes, in your situation, I would elope. You don’t want to feel conscious and stressed at your own wedding.

Post # 62
105 posts
Blushing bee

Can you do a reception for friends and family after having a no fuss wedding or eloping?

Post # 63
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Do you already have your dress? Perhaps ask your priest if he can marry you privately, in the chapel, in a week or two, take photos, etc. and then have a celebratory reception on your original date. And make it clear to your family that if they don’t support you and can’t be happy for this blessing they don’t have to attend. He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Focus on a healthy pregnancy and surround yourselves with people who bring you joy. 

Post # 64
1209 posts
Bumble bee

elfbee :  Bee, cancel the wedding. You and your fiancé can pick a beautiful location and elope… and then go straight into your honey/baby moon. 

Your family is incredibly disappointing. If your parents are going to have that attitude, they will only steal your joy, not add to it. Make your elopement and your child the focus and enjoy the heck out of your new family unit. 

Your parents will eventually come around and want to be a part of their grandchild’s life. Until then, I’d have nothing to do with them. 

Post # 65
795 posts
Busy bee

Another vote for elope/have a micro wedding. Perhaps invite a few friends who you know will be supportive of you. Wear your beautiful dress. Enjoy your day and your pregnancy. 
Leave you parents to stew in their own bile until they come around. 

Post # 68
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

elfbee :  Just talk to your family and see what they think. As a Catholic, I would feel disappointed to hear of a courthouse shotgun wedding. 

Post # 69
8099 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

elfbee :  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but I would elope. Is it worth having family there if they are just going to be miserable? You are a grown-ass woman and you’re are living YOUR life. They can either accept that and be a part of it, or be judgmental and miss out. 

Post # 70
12219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

elfbee :   “My fiance thinks we should have a courthouse ceremony soon and that my family might be more relaxed after we’ve had a wedding ceremony of some kind, even if it’s not a Church ceremony.”

That’s what I’d suggest. 

Post # 71
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

elfbee :  I was suggesting that the dress fits now–so put it on and have some photos taken with your Fiance, preferably while exchanging vows but you have to do what is right for you.

You can’t control how other people feel. You can take charge of your own story and show them that you are not going to let their disapproval rob you of your happiness and that their beliefs will not determine how you live your life (or raise your child). The sooner you stand up for yourself (and now your baby) the sooner they will get the message to keep the negativity to themselves.

Post # 72
272 posts
Helper bee

lisaeversman :  “Just talk to your family and see what they think. As a Catholic, I would feel disappointed to hear of a courthouse shotgun wedding. “


That’s what she did- talked to her parents and looks like it didn’t go well….


Post # 73
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lisaeversman :  Would it really be a “shotgun wedding” if plans were already in the works for one, and the original wedding would be taking place even before the baby’s due date? That seems to be fairly unkind wording to use. 

I join the prior posters into saying how disappointing your family is being. They’re truly cutting off their nose to spite their face here- they’re so disappointed about you not having gone about things “the proper way” that they’re not focusing on what’s really important- a beautiful new blessing! If a wedding in the Church is what feels right to you, I like the idea of having a small ceremony now with those who have proven they can be supportive of you. 

Post # 74
83 posts
Worker bee

bayoubee :  Lol exactly: it’s not a shotgun wedding. They were going to marry anyway, pregnant or not. It’s just that they might marry sooner. That comment by the member was quite crass and she’s being judgemental like the parents by saying how disappointing a civil ceremony would be as a Catholic, etc.

Post # 75
235 posts
Helper bee

OP, I’m so sorry to hear your latest update.  People who hold so firmly to religion while at the same time treating family members so poorly are either complete hypocrites or they’re missing the entire point OF religion…. which is love.

Whatever path you take now, please hold your head up high and do not allow anyone to make you feel anything less than fabulous!  You have a fiancé who loves you and a baby who is going to adore you.  How lucky you are for that!  And everything does happen for a reason, so you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  

Stay strong.  

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