(Closed) Prejudice mom

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

I say remove the mom.

Post # 3
Member
797 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
audre :  going to have to agree with the PP. I get she is your mother and you love her despite her bigotry, but at the same time, welcoming her into your wedding day merely because she is your mother sorta kinda means you are turning a blind eye to her behavior. I would never allow my mother or anyone for that matter to disrespect or behave rudely towards someone else because of skin color, shade, etc. It’s not right. If it were me I’d tell her this behavior is not acceptable and unless I noticed meaningful change prior to the wedding, I wouldnt let her come. Mom or not. Hell she has made comments about you – her own daughter- yet you are still trying to invite her? WTF. COME ON BEE. 

I hate when people clearly know their loved ones have issues yet feel guilted into including them for the sake of “we’re family”. Im being blunt here, but fuck that. Screw the guests she wants to invite, and start standing up for your friends who have done nothing wrong (I cant tell by the post if you stood up or not, you state u recognize her behavior was out of line but u dont say you actually did anything in front of your mom and friend to shut it down unless I overlooked it). Your mom is an ass, plain and simple. Time for you to really call her out on it and draw the line. 

Post # 4
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your mom is forcing you to choose between everyone else and her. She is forcing you to choose between respect and dignity and her. 

This is her mistake, these are her stakes. You didn’t create this game. She did. 

Post # 5
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Is your mom contributing money for the wedding? If she is, give it back. If she isn’t, great. Now, you really need to stand your ground and protect your sister, your friends, and your plans. I think you need to stop sharing wedding details with your mother. If she tries talking about the wedding, tell her the plans are coming along or just change the subject. I’d be debating whether I even want her AT the wedding and how much she needs to be around at all, but for sure you don’t need to be engaging in conversations with her about your plans.

This is so sad. I wouldn’t bring her around friends anymore. And when she says offensive things, leave, hang up, shut her down. Don’t allow her to continue with the insults. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

Post # 7
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

Stop including her and don’t invite her.

Do you even like her?

Not love her as in “she raised me and she’s my mom” – do you like her?  If you met her on the street and she started up a conversation with you, would you converse with her and give her your number?

When the only common denominator in this dysfunction is one person, it’s time to remove that person.  Remove the dysfunctional broken link that is weakening your chain.  And if she asks why, then give her the cold, hard truth.  I don’t respect bigots and have no time in my schedule to pretend like their behavior is ok.  I have better things to do with my time with people I actually respect.

Post # 8
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

I think you just need to have a firm conversation with her telling her she’s being disrespectful to your bridesmaids, who are best friends of your and who mean a lot to you, and that saying those things hurt you and if she isn’t able to change how she’s acting, she won’t be invited to anymore wedding activities. 

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I strongly urge you to disinvite her from the wedding period, out of basic respect for your friends and family that you love and are standing next to you on the big day. You’ve got some great friends and an awesome sister, and after her treatment of them they’ll likely be very uncomfortable around her. Not to mention the comfort of your Fiance and his family- they’ll pick up on racist behavior. If she weren’t so awful to you I’d say that you should tell her that her horrific behavior is unacceptable and give her a chance, but it doesn’t sound like she’ll respect your wishes and her presence could be something you greatly regret.

Post # 10
Member
7235 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

How unfortunate that your mother is an ignorant asshole. She should keep herself at home on the day of your wedding.

If you’re not willing to remove her from your wedding day you should definitely tell her to keep her mouth shut and her hateful opinions to herself. You also need to apologize to your friend(s) for your mother’s behavior. If my friend’s prejudiced mother was unnecessarily rude to me for no reason and that friend didn’t say anything to me about it (or to her mother in front of me) I would eliminate that relationship from my life.

Post # 11
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

If you are old enough to be married, you are old enough to :

Look her squarely in the eye and tell her these words of hers will not be tolerated from here on in. There will be no argument, no discussion. She will cease the bigoted talk or else:

She will not be included in pre-wedding activities. And if she steps outside your guidelines at the wedding, she will be escorted out.

I am so glad, my mom, despite her faults, was not a bigot.

Post # 12
Member
3665 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Tell her to stop saying prejudice crap. If she doesn’t stop her nonsense, disinvite her. She sounds like a piece of work!! No one needs that kind of negativity at a wedding!

Post # 13
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like she has tons of other issues other than just being prejudice. She just sounds like a dreadful person in general. You need to put your foot down and stop letting her ruin this experience for you. All she adds is negativity. Perhaps you can minimize her role and stop accommodating her? Tell her that you won’t tolerate her behavior. If she cannot get her act together, she shouldn’t come. “Mom, I love you but your actions are making this joyful experience difficult. Get it together or don’t come. I want you to come but I’m not doing THIS anymore”. 

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