Post # 1
Please help. I am a Catholic bride looking to marry in the Catholic church. Although I am not as devout as I was before, it is still very important to my family, my fiancee’s family and myself and my fiancee to be married in a Catholic church. We do plan on raising our children Catholic. Our main problem is that we are living together and we understand that the Catholic church has some strict rules concerning this.
I know that many engaged couples choose to live together before getting married as well and I was just wondering if there is anyone who can relate that can give me any advice. How does the church usually respond when they find out that a couple interested in getting married at their church has been living together? Do you they turn you away no questions asked? Please help!
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2018 - catherdral ceremony/private club reception
Hi kadeeQ! Mr. Magnolia and I actually lived together before we were married, and we were married in the Catholic Church. When we began our pre-cana process and took the FOCCUS test, we answered all questions as honestly as possible – which included filling out an extra section for "cohabitating couples."
The priest who married us was not happy about it, and he actually recommended that either Mr. Mags or I move out for six weeks prior to the wedding. I thought that seemed a little ridiculous and extraneous, but whatever.
I actually found, in some of the literature that the priest gave us, some information on the church’s perspective on cohabitation. Believe it or not, they actually differentiate between couples who live together and then decide to get married and couples who get engaged and then move in together. We fell into the second category, which is generally slightly more acceptable.
Regardless, our priest was pretty chilly to us throughout the entire process. It became a bit of a joke ("Hey, our priest doesn’t even like us!"), but it did bother me a bit. But they never would have turned us away for living together – I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker for the church.
Post # 4
Hi Kadeeq! I’m so glad to see your post as I’ve had the same concerns. My fiance (who is not Catholic) and I got engaged in September 2007 and moved in together a month later. We’re getting married at the church where I grew up at it’s very important to my family and me. When we met with the priest to discuss our wedding, he asked us where we lived, but he didn’t specifically ask us if we lived together. I’m not sure if he realized it and was trying to be nice or if he just figured that we live in the same town. Also, my uncle is a Catholic priest and he will be marrying us, and he hasn’t said anything to us about it either.
We attended Precana a couple of weeks ago and it was definitely something that was addressed in the session, although our instructor NEVER said that the church would turn away a couple who is already living together. While they strongly suggested that cohabitating couples try to live separately for a few months before the wedding and encouraged this, we were never specifically told that we HAD to do this or couldn’t get married in the church.
So I think things will be fine and I wish you the best of luck!
Post # 5
thanks girls for your comments! it’s definitely making me feel a bit better. =) on with the search for a church!
Post # 6
hi kadee. I dont know if its because I live in a big city, but when we took our pre-cana class we were non-chalantly asked our living situation. when we said we lived together, i immediately freaked out and wondered if we should have lied. but our instructor said he gets a lot of engaged couples who live together and understands the reasoning behind it in most cases its financial situations. he made it seem like no big deal. we may get some greif from the priest but no enough or to the extent where they deny marrying us know what i mean? so be prepared for possible frowns but other than that, God still loves you the same way 🙂 Also, to be extra safe, you could put in an anonymous phone call to the church you’re marrying in and see what their stance is on the issue.