(Closed) Premarital counseling

posted 8 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
946 posts
Busy bee

I plan on doing it just so that we have our bases covered.  While I’d like to believe that we have the best relationship E-VAH.  But it’d be nice to have a third party bring us back to reality.  🙂 

Post # 4
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know there are books that you can work through together. If you’re on the fence about it, I’d see a real person either privately or in a group session. Good luck!

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are doing pre-marital counseling through our pastor at the church we will be married at. At our churhc it isn’t required, but i do know that in some cases you recv. some money off your marriage license if you do do it.

I think that it can never be a bad thing. We were actually kind of excited to do it. He gave us a book to read and 2 seperate books to fill in when we finish each chapter then we set up a time each week to discuss. We have so far gone through just chapter 1 but have found our communication a lot better already!

Post # 6
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re doing ours with a Pastor who is also a certified marital counselor she has her masters in therapy. So I think if you want to find a more secular person I would look for a therpaist with a background in marriage and family counseling :o)

Post # 7
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Do it!  My Fiance and I have been seeing a counselor together for a few months in preparation for our marriage – she has been incredibly helpful in teaching us how to communicate effectively and really making sure we are on the same page going into a lifetime together.  Our relationship just keeps getting better and better.

If you are worried about the cost, look for a practice that has interns or grad students you can work with, they usually charge less per session because they are still learning. 

Post # 8
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Our pastor required it, but we didn’t really get anything out of it. 

But, it was nice to sit and talk with the guy for a couple hours before he actually married us. We hadn’t met before.

Post # 10
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Our church requires it but we aren’t thrilled about it.  Neither one of us are very religous and would rather work with a counselor than a pastor but oh well.

As for books, we have “Saving your marriage before it Starts.”  One of the Bees recommended it and we liked it.  There is a his and hers book and we got both from Amazon for like $5 each. 

Post # 11
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I want to raise this topic as well. There is a derth of good secular marriage advice and premarital stuff out there.

I think you are going to need to rely on a hodge podge of things. My Fiance is not the talk about his emotions type, and he went to a good amount of counseling as a child, particularly when his parents married someone new (7 marriages between them) so he does not have good feelings about it.

What I do is have dinner with him and bring up a discreet area for discussion. For example, we recently discussed when we both feel most loved, kind of taking off of the 5 Lova Languages book (which is Christian, but I just got the basic info off the website). It was interesting to hear how much he values validation. We also have had talks using the Meyers-Briggs test, have had retirement dreams talks, and career talks to date.

Post # 12
539 posts
Busy bee

We were required and had to pay $150…I don’t feel it was as effective as it could have because it was a group session with 4 other couples. I think had it been one-on-one with just us and the counselor we would have taken more away. We did learn a few communication tips that have really helped us. Had it not been required, I doubt we would have gone, by Fiance choice, I think it is helpful

Post # 14
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’re in a LDR, so I searched the internet for pre-marital questions (from various church websites, mostly), and we’ve been working our way through the long list that I compiled. Well, right now we’re together and we’ve been slacking off, haha, but when we get back on opposite sides of the world, I trust we’ll pick it back up!

Post # 15
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

anyone have any other good secular books for DIY premarital counseling? 

Post # 16
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes- I would also be interested to hear any secular pre-marriage counseling suggestions.  I love the Myers-Briggs test idea mentioned aboved 🙂

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