(Closed) Premarital counseling

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Jamcnair:  Any particular denomination? We’re ELCA Lutheran, and ours was pretty easy, only 3 sessions (which were condensed into two because of our travel distance), and fun(ish). We both took an online inventory of questions, the answers and key were sent to our pastor, and then we met up and discussed our strengths and ‘growth areas’ with the pastor. We also discussed our vision for the wedding, which readings we’d want, etc.

We learned a lot, had a good time communicating, and didn’t have to get into any awkward topics, which was much appreciated. If you go into it open and honest and look at it as a building/learning exercise rather than an inquisition, you might enjoy it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We are catholic and ours was a retreat over a weekend. 

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My cousin and his wife had to go through a workbook that had like 10-15 lessons. He said one of the questions asked their stance on sex while the wife is on her cycle… He said he “forgot” to fill out that page. I am starting soon with a workbook and I hope it’s not the same one they used. Their preacher does it with all the newly engaged couples. Ours is being done by a friend of my Fiance who use to preach and may be our officiant.

Post # 7
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Ours was basically a series of discussions about our (my and now-DH’s) thoughts on finances, children, where to live, family, conflict resolution, etc. Basically, he wanted to make sure we really knew each other and what we were getting into, and he wanted to get to know us. What I will say is that Jesus never came up, and the closest we got to talking about religion was (a) in setting up the ceremony and (b) when talking about whether we had talked about what faith–if any–we would raise our children under. Then again, we’re Methodists, so pretty easy-going in general.

Post # 8
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Jamcnair:  Hi date twin…thanks for starting this thread.  We will start our counseling this summer too & I was wondering about others’ perspectives.  =)

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ours was several classes we took with a couple who had been married 10 years or so. Went through some books on communication, the best way to resolve conflicts, sex, etc.

Post # 10
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance and I started the beginning of the year and I must admitt it started a little rough. However it does help and really get something you would never normally discuss out in the open. We are working out of a book call “preparing for marriage” and it gets down to the basics of marriage. My only advice is make sure you go in with a open mind.

Good luck

Post # 11
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@indibee:  Was it Prepare & Enrich? I’m Presbyterian, and that’s what my pastor used for us. We really found it interesting and useful. We had been ambivalent about the counseling until we took the online questionnaire. And the discussion of the results afterward was actually fun. We left there feeling really good about us.

Post # 12
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ProfessorGirl: Yep! I think it was a very positive experience for us. We’re good at communicating with one another (it has been 8 years) but it was good to see what growth areas the program found and to talk about if we already recognized that and how to best approach it/build it. Like you, I was a bit nervous/not excited for 3 awkwardfests with our pastor, but once we completed the questionnaire, we were actually looking forward to it.

Post # 13
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Because we are in a different area than our wedding, we were able to do an online course.  We met with the minister (Anglican) once, and she basically just asked us how we found the course.  The only thing she did put Fiance on the spot with was a question.  He had been previously married and she wanted to know why this one was different and how it was different. 

 

Post # 14
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Another Tennessee Bee! Hey there!

Ours was pretty straight forward. They gave us a book/workbook and we had 5 group sessions and a one-on-one session with a pastor. We really didn’t discuss anything at all, our first session was doing a Taylor Johnson temperament analysis test. For the other sessions the pastor just read sections and kind of shared some examples from his own marriage on stuff like conflict resolution and parenting. I was really intimidated at first but now I’m really glad we went through the class ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re non-denominational… We actually didn’t do our pre-marital with our officiant because our officiant was my dad ๐Ÿ™‚ So, we did it with another pastor and his wife.  We met one-on-one three times.  We talked about finances (some, but we actually planned to meet with my parents to talk with them about finances… Still hasn’t happened! Oops!), communication, problem resolution, expectations, and sex…

The pastor actually told us we would talk about talking, money, and sex – and that’s all you need to know! haha ๐Ÿ™‚ 

But really, we had an awesome experience!

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