(Closed) Premarital Counseling Book Used?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

So when we (I should emphasize "I" as in me) researched pre-marital counseling… I happened to fall on a workshop completed in San Fran: marriageprep101. They had some sort of link to a relationship study- which included a free home booklet program. So we turned in our info- to see if we would get the free booklet (and signed up for the workshop in case we didn’t get into the relationship study. There were other perks too like a gift certificate to Amazon.com)

Well we got lucky and got the home product as well. It included a cheesy Aussie cd/video with two booklets (one for me and one for him). It was a self directd six wk program where you ‘explore’ various issues that have been researched and proven to be the main indicators of what contributes to a lasting relationship: *Relationship goals and self change, *Communication, *Fun and mutual support *Managing differences *Intimacy and Sexuality *Managing Change. It was called Couple Care. Prior to signing up for the workshop, prior to getting into the whole pre-marital class research- I had no idea this existed.

It was nice because between the workshop and the home product, it directed us on things we should be strengthening, discussing, and even evaluating our past experiences (like how we view our parents marriage or our friends) and how we can impact our own relationship proactively.

Post # 4
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My Fiance and I read Lies at the Altar: The Truth about Great Marriages early on in our relationship. The book is worth it for anyone because of the 276 questions in the back that are "must ask" before entering into marriage.

We also just read and our pastor who is doing our pre-marital counseling suggested The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It was really helpful to see how best to love the other.

Post # 6
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We’re going to start Imago counseling…the first book is "Getting the Love You Want".  We’ve looked through it before, but we’re going to embark on the real thing with a trained counselor now.  The premise is that often the things that are hard in your relationship have more to do with reacting to your own issues/needs than with what the other person is doing.  It’s a 12 step process to building better communication skills and understanding the other person much better.

We also have 101 Things I wish I knew when I got married. 

Post # 7
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We’re using "Before You Say I Do" by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts.

Post # 8
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

I highly recommend John Gottman’s "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work."  They actually come from Gottman’s research of thousands of couples (both successful marriages and divorces) over a period of fifteen years.  Some of the advice is unconventional (sometimes it’s not about communication — it’s about de-escalation).  But it really is a great book.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We are using "A Lasting Promise" and "A Decision to Love". "A Decision to Love" is a great workbook to get you thinking about things that we would have put off until later.

Post # 10
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

We used "Before You Say I Do" as well, but as a couple that has been together for almost eight years, we didn’t find it as insightful or helpful as we hoped. We learned a lot more about each other from the Five Love Languages (Chapman) and various conflict management texts.

Post # 11
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definitely recommend Save Your Marriage Before it Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott.  It was incredibly insightful and I love their approach.  Definitely worth the time!

Post # 12
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Is it bad that I just linked this to my fiance and said "we’ve gotta get reading!" ha!!  These are all great suggestions. I am defintely going to look into a few of them. Thanks so much for starting this thread.  We aren’t getting married in a church so I’m not sure if the officiant we choose will do counseling or not.  We are going to try to find someone who is willing to do at least one counseling session if not more.

Post # 13
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

thanks so much for the tips…Fiance and I will be little bookworms for a while…lol

Post # 14
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

This is my absolute favorite topic.

 

There’s a set of books that are short and get right down to the core issues. They’re accessible and poignant and have really wonderful advice.

 

For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn : http://www.amazon.com/Women-Only-about-Inner-Lives/dp/1590523172/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239230682&sr=8-1

 

For Men Only, by by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn : http://www.amazon.com/Men-Only-Straightforward-Guide-Inner/dp/1590525728/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239230682&sr=8-2

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