(Closed) Premarital Counseling: Do you think it’s beneficial?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We haven’t started our counseling yet, but FI’s mom thought it would be beneficial for us. I am excited about it and think that it will be beneficial as well. I’ll keep you updated after our classes! 🙂 }

For us it was a time issue. Luckily, we are able to meet privately with a counselor for 3 Saturdays (1 hour each meeting), rather than driving in for the 6 group classes. This option worked well for us and they are able to work with us and our procrastination! 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Fiance and I are doing it now. It defrays all the stressors of planning a wedding and adapting to moving in with eachother. Also, it helps manage our plans for the long term and lays out expectations with a mediating party present. She brings up things we didn’t even think about, and gets the fire going on some of these topics. A marriage isn’t about two people either, we’re thinking about our extended families, and our changing roles within them.

I’d recommend getting the counseling. What do you have to lose?

Post # 6
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Fiance and I have been doing it every two weeks for the past six months, and it is amazing! We have learned how to communicate so much better (and we didn’t think we had problems communicating before!). It is just such a wonderful experience, and we feel so much closer after we have our sessions.

I reccomend it, after all, what can it hurt?

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

We haven’t done our counseling yet, but we will when I move there in two weeks! I think it will be beneficial to have a third party talk to us about marriage. It won’t be a pastor (my brother is marrying us and I told him no…) haha. I talked to a few pastors about what they did in marriage counseling… a lot of them said it’s just a “formality” for them and they don’t talk about much. But the counselor we’re going to will help us greatly in communication patterns, etc. I’m so excited! We really do need to sit down and talk about some things. And have a safe area to discuss things we dislike and want to change about our relationship… also talking about our different families will be invaluable in the long run IMO.

Post # 8
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

we really liked ours. It helped us work through a lot of foundational stuff (learning each other’s top emotional needs, working through family history and how that affects our marriage, setting a practice of confession and forgiveness on a regular basis, etc.), plus we met with an older couple that shared some of their own experience and answered questions.

Post # 9
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Go for it!  My hubby and I didn’t and I wish we had.  We could use a third party to help us through some “difficult” items we tend to get “heated” over.  Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It was kind of beneficial.  At least it allowed me to voice the whole “So… I’m supposed to tell you to do your chores until you do them every single time, but I’m not supposed to nag?  Do you see the problem here?”  And it let me know some things I do that frustrate him.

Post # 11
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We had to do it in order for our reverend to marry us. It wasn’t too bad. We knew where we stood on all the issues such as children, respecting each other, religion, etc. We even both disagreed with the reverend on some topics so I think we did pretty good!

Post # 12
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

We are going through the “Twogether in Texas” program and we’re very pleased. Of course there is no fool-proof way to make a marriage work, getting some good skills can’t hurt. I think it will help in the future, or maybe at a time when things are difficult. Also, in Texas they give you a large discount on your marriage license (I think $60), which of course is always nice but we did it for the classes. So far they’ve been fun!

Post # 13
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We did a little bit of it and I found it beneficial. I think any chance to spend time communicating with each other about the big (and little!) things in life is good for any relationship.

Post # 14
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My church requires it (I think) but I would do it even if we didn’t. Ours is only a quiz/questionnaire and then 3 sessions. It’s great to address the things you see differently on, and address questions that neither of you have even considered. I’m pretty excited to start ours (and sometimes during a disagreement I’ll think ‘oh, add that to the things to talk about in our session’).

I also knew a couple whose grandparents said they’d pay for the wedding, IF the couple took a financial counseling course. That sounds like a great addition as well, since finances can be a huge issue within a relationship, so I may look into signing up Mr.ND and I for that on top of our 3 required sessions. 

Post # 16
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Fiance and I are finishing our premarital counseling this week, and we loved it! We had twelve group sessions with our pastor and other couples from our church. We talked about so much, and we became much more deliberate about our relationship and how we interact with one another. It was helpful to talk through our expectations, how we communicate, ways to fight effectively, our different love styles, and so much more! I also thought it was great to have other couples there. We all experience so many of the same things, and it was really helpful to hear their wisdom and advice. Our pastor was amazing as well. He was so open about all the struggles he and his wife have had, and he was incredibly humble about all the amazing things they do to make their marriage so successful. Overall, premarital counseling has been invaluable to our relationship, and I highly recommend it to anyone! 

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