- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I would never marry someone I didn’t sleep with first. And I would strongly prefer, pretty much require, that my partner have been with other people, or else he would always wonder. I know I would.
My fiance and I are both Christians and are waiting for marriage for sex.
As a Christian, I believe that I would be wrong if I were ever to initiate a divorce unless it were based on one or both of these exemptions, and I believe that I would have been wrong ever to have married a divorced man unless he was divorced for one or both of these Biblically permitted reasons.
Before I met and fell in love with my DH (who is Biblically divorced), it had been my hope that I would meet a man of God who had never been married and who also had waited until marriage to have sex. However, I thought that it was likely that, at my age (mid 40s), I may not meet a man who had waited. For me, the issue was not what did he did or did not do in his past but, rather, whether or not he had fully surrendered his life to Christ and whether or not, from that point forward , he believed that sex should be reserved for marriage and had strived to live a lifestyle consistent with that belief.
We were both virgins when we met, but neither of us planned on staying that way. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker if my SO wasn’t a virgin when we met, but it wasn’t a requirement or anything. We both gained experience together. We have been together for five years now and aren’t even engaged yet, so I couldn’t imagine waiting that long to have sex. It was, however, a requirement that we live together before marriage, so usually living together leads to sex.
Brielle: I wasn’t in love with the guy, but I met someone who, over the course of about 3 months, I became very close to and shared some very emotionally intimate moments. We slept together once and it was…awful. Sexual compatibility is extremely important to me, and I knew at that moment that the relationship could not go any further from my side. My emotional attachment to him began to wane immediately.
I think sex is only one aspect of a relationship, and in the long run, to make a relationship work and last, compatability has to come from other areas.
Also though, I definately have never advocated ‘waiting for marriage.’ I think that is just kind of silly in many ways.
We have only been with each other, but we are definitely not waiting until marriage.
As for your former boyfriend, although I obviously cannot agree with the specific means by which you eventually discovered his insensitivity toward you, I am very glad that you were able to learn about his self-centered nature prior to having committed your life to him.
Refusing to settle — and holding out for a man who would prioritize his relationship with God over his relationship with me was extremely important to me, since that is my belief as well.
Add to that the requirement of finding someone who also possessed other, non-negotiable (for me) qualities, and to whom I was very attracted on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level seemed to many people who knew me to be a nearly impossible task, given how long I had already waited. However, I always believed that God had someone specific in mind for me and that He would ensure that our paths would cross in HIS timing. (I’m just glad that I didn’t know when I was in my 20s that I would have to wait 20 more years before I would meet my then-future husband, because that would have seemed utterly daunting to me at that time in my life. 🙂
However, I can say what several of my dear friends have said (friends who waited until they were 35, 45, and 49 to meet their Godly husbands) — it definitely was worth the wait.
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