- 7 years ago
The ring came up last night. While we were talking I asked if it was done yet (based on the timeline the jeweler originally gave us it should have been done a couple weeks ago) and my guy said he didn’t know. He goes on to explain he hasn’t called and he hasn’t been called. And the kicker is he further explains that even if it was done he’d be putting off going because he doesn’t “have that kind of money just lying around.”
What? The setting we got was within a budget HE established early last year. I’m not angry, just upset and confused. From day 1 I had been insisting and insisting on getting the cheapest thing possible, finding deals, comparing prices and finally found our current jeweler who could give us what we wanted for like 2K less than what anyone else had quoted. Perfect right? Wrong. Now he’s saying he doesn’t have that kind of money. And it makes me feel bad.
Just to give you an idea of his financial situation, let me throw out some arbitrary numbers that are in the ballpark of what’s there. Let’s just say, between accounts, he has…30K (arbitrary) in the bank. I have 30K (arbitrary)as well. The setting was 2K (not an arbitrary number) and was within the budget he set. Don’t get me wrong, if I were buying him a 2K watch so I could propose to him I could absolutely afford it, I could afford to get him 15 of them, but I’d still be nervous about just dropping 2K one day. But I wouldn’t say it wasn’t possible, because it absolutely is. We’re very open about finances and know what the other has and doesn’t have, to the dollar some days. 2K is a lot of money. But it’s within budget. And he DOES have that money just lying around. So do I.
Just to give you an idea about how neurotic I am about money – I am that person that no matter how much money I have I feel broke and talk like I am too. I’m sure when I’m old I’ll have to resist becoming a miser. If feeling stressed enough I’ll skip a meal or buy ramen even though I could probably go out for a wine paired steak dinner. I’m NUTS. And I project that sometimes. So, the moment he says he doesn’t have that kind of money and that’s why he would hesitate even picking the ring up I immediately feel horrible for being a “financial burden.” He refused money from me repeatedly before but now I feel like I need to offer it again.
I’d be lying if there wasn’t some lingering disappointment because I thought maybe he’d propose this weekend (long story, going to WY to meet my family for the 1st time, he’s been super nice, weird crap his friend has said, weird crap he has said, ring should have been done, etc).
Long story short – I’m just sad. If this is a trick it’s a cruel trick and he should know by now (almost 3 yrs of dating) that this kinda of money issue KILLS me. It makes the ring about financial burden and not about a gesture that he worked so hard to get me. Trust me, I spent plenty of time suggesting alternatives that were dirt cheap, but unacceptable to him. And I’m sad that I allowed myself to get excited. And I’m sad that this is causing him strain, legitimate or not. I’m sad that I won’t have something to share with my family this weekend. And I’m confused about what to do about the situation.
Thoughts? Sorry for the length.