(Closed) Prenup?

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m not a fan of them personally.  I just don’t really see a point.  I can get that others do and I respect their decision to have one, but they aren’t for me at all.

Post # 4
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are.  I think it’s only fair that should things fall apart, everyone leaves with what they came in with—that includes inheritances and debts.   I do believe that if one person stays at home to create the family, that person is entitled to be compensated since they essentially gave up their earnings over those years.  The amount and perameters would be up to the couple.

 

It’s super unromantic but at the end of the day marriage is also largely a practical arrangement.

Post # 5
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

We looked in to getting a prenup, but after talking to a lawyer we found it it’s not worth the money having one drawn up.

(now the following applies to Canada, not sure about other countries)

First of all, your “marriage house” (ie the house you live in together after marriage) cannot be protected by a prenup at all. It doesn’t matter if one spouse bought it before marriage, it would still be split evenly during a divorce. Once you get married and move in to that house, you both are considered equal owners of it.

Secondly, our lawyer told us prenups really only hold in court for the first five years of marriage. If a divorce happens after that it’s typically ruled that the agreements made in a prenup do not apply anymore or are unfair after being married that long.

And thirdly, I already own almost half of our company, but we did sign a contract that if we were to break up within the next 4 years, I would have to sell my shares of the company back to him. That’s basically the only asset we needed protection for other than our home, which can’t be protected anyway.

Post # 6
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We were heavily considering it, but the law hasn’t caught up with some of the uniqueness of our financial situation (income based repayment for student loans), so their wasn’t a clear cut way of doing a pre-nup. Our lawyer friends suggested that it wouldn’t make sense given where the law is compared to our debts/assets.

If you want one, you both need your own lawyer. You will discuss terms and try to come up with something that is fair to both.

What we are doing instead is going to a notery with all of our account records– assets and debts– the month of the wedding. We want to make it clear what we are entering the marriage with. We are also going to do joint financial planning and work out a 5 year agreement and a 10 year agreement on major life events that involved money (ie house, kids, loans, cars).

Post # 7
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve looked into prenups, and I think they can work well in some cases when there is a significant difference in assets/net worth. Getting one drawn up can be expensive and it’s not guaranteed to hold up in court. To have the best case of your prenup being upheld in divorce court is for each of you to work with your own lawyer at different firms. That way each party has someone to look out for their own interests and negotiate on their behalf.

Post # 8
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can more than understand why others have it. I am just trusting that if my fiance and I have to have a divorce, things would be handled respectfully. I don’t think I could marry him knowing there was even a chance he would try to screw me over if things fell apart. And I don’t think he would marry me knowing if things went south, I’d do whatever I could to bring him down. We are marrying knowing that no matter how bad it gets, we will leave the relationship with dignity and treat each other with respect.

Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The Prenup discussion, no matter how much you love the other person, is the worst discussion my fiance and I ever had. Let me just say that I have no problem signing it, it just really plays with your mind.

We love each other endlessly and I couldn’t imagine us ever parting ways so that is the first place where it starts to hurt. You have to discuss the ins and outs of how you both want to handle things if it ends. It made me sad.

Then, you start questioning if your spouse truly trusts you or not. Everyone who knows me knows that I am the fairest person on earth. I would never take something that did not belong to me and I am far from having feelings of “entitlement” under any circumstances. He’s even been witness to the way I handled exiting my previous relationship before him which was a clean and even divide.

I understand that he would like to make sure he’s protecting him assets but at the same time, it has taken a toll on our relationship in an emotional way. We haven’t fought or argued, I think I have just felt emotionally detached and saddened about the whole thing. Honestly, I can’t wait until we sign and it’s over and done with so we can go on with focusing on us today, not us possibly in the future.

 

Post # 10
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@beethebuzz:  I am so right there with you. In fact, I couldn’t have said it better. We’re doing the prenup, and rationally I understand why it’s important. But emotionally, it’s just plain depressing. I, too, can’t wait until it’s signed and shoved into a drawer (where some perplexed explorer will find it, untouched, 100 years from now Smile).

Post # 11
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We discussed it but we really aren’t going into this marriage with much so it wasn’t worth it. Worst case he get’s our car and I continue to keep the engagement ring! Ahh the joy of not having assets, haha.

Post # 12
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d be happy to do one, but Fiance is kind of against it and I think the fuss wouldn’t really be worth it. My thinking is that I want to protect what he has for himself against any unlikely future craziness, and he says he thinks if we split up he would still feel I’d earned some recompense. This is all based on him having various assets and me being in the red on student loans. I feel like his outlook is kind of old fashioned, and I would agree with it if i was going to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, but I’m not. It’s not a big deal for us, though.

Post # 13
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had thought about it at one time but decided against it. I at some point will come into some money but not until both parents pass away which hopefully will be many many many years from now, well into our marriage. 

At this point although I’m better off finanially even now we’re both pretty middle class and somewhat even.  The only thing I don’t want is his student loans on me which they wouldn’t be.

Post # 14
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We are doing one.  We haven’t gone to the lawyer yet and I’m not sure if he will want/need a seperate attorney.  I knew he was the one within a month of dating, so we had the conversation early on that if we ever got married we would need a prenup.  So for us it wasn’t an awkward conversation that questioned our trust of each other.  I couldn’t imagine us ever getting divoced, and if something bad were to happen, I couldn’t imagine it ever getting nasty.  Although I do believe you can’t predict the future and no matter how well you know someone you can’t predict how they will react in a situation that has yet to be experienced.  In our situation, my Father is deceased and I have some inheritance including property owned jointly with siblings and other family members  The reason for me to want one is to protect my family from the awkward situation of potentially owning shared property with my ex-husband.

Post # 15
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We did one!  Glad we did.. just something to enter the marriage with to relieve some stress… I have some debt he was concerned about and I have an inheritance I wanted to stay in my family. He has some retirement packages he was worried about… we’re doing a will that will override the prenup but that is easy enough to change in the event of a divorce.  Divorce can get ugly. I’ve seen it happen . People can change. It’s best to protect yourself.

In the US (at least in Ohio) the house, which belonged to him before, could be protected. I am protected from payments and he is protected from me trying to take it.

 

We just went through my lawyer.. it was a very basic prenup as we had exacts on what we  wanted protected… so he waived the right to a lawyer.  If children or businesses or properties were involved we’d likely have gone with 2 lawyers and more detail. We had ours done within a week. And the benefits FAR outweigh the cost (under a grand)

Post # 16
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We are not having one, only because we are both equally matched – financially speaking. So if (knock on wood), we did get divorced, splitting everything equally would make us no better or worse off, financially.

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