Prenup

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9560 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you aren’t comfortable with a prenup, don’t get one. a prenup is only in the event that a divorce happens.  this way, it is in writing how division of assets should be.

say i have an investment account with a significant amount of money that my grandparents left me.  i never touch it, because that’s my nest egg, my rainy day, emergency, retirement, etc.  i marry, then divorce.  i would not want my now ex-h entitled to half of that.

a prenup would protect that.  there are also separate property and community property states.  i live in a separate property state.  so even without a prenup, anything that was mine before marriage is mine if the marriage were to dissolve.

 

Post # 3
Member
5471 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
soexcited123 :  To me I guess it just comes across as, “we don’t like her or respect her as part of the family so we need to protect our stuff because god forbid she gets some of it.” 

I disagree, a prenup is for the person you divorce, not the person you marry.  I’m assuming that since this involves your future inlaws that this is about family money.  I guess my stance is, if you wouldn’t try to go for his family money in a divorce what is the problem with a prenup? 

Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

I thought that way about prenups too! Always seemed so mean and harsh, UNTIL you think about people in that postion.

E.g. Parents have a lot of wealth.

Parents worked very hard for wealth.

Son loves girl they have met maybe 20 times? maybe 200? could be 2000!

They did not choose girl to be in their lives.

Son will inherit all their wealth.

Girl they did not choose for their family could possibly take wealth away.

Panic!

 

If I had a lot of money and properties, I would only ever trust it with my husband (whom I chose) and my children. My in laws are crazy wealthy and I hope to God that I’m not in their will because the drama about money is ridiculous. Other people’s money isn’t yours. Enough said.

Post # 5
Member
3484 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Pre nups are not legally binding here so they aren’t really a thing. However, to me they are like a seat belt. You don’t get into your car thinking ‘I am going to crash my car today’ but you still put on your seat belt in case some idot slams into you.

This is the same for pre nups. You don’t know what the future holds and no one is unhappy in a marriage until they are.

The best pre nup sits in a lawyers office never to be used, but sometimes you do need it.

Post # 6
Member
992 posts
Busy bee

DILs and SILs don’t always stay ILs. That’s what prenups are about. 

My parents loved my first husband. But when we divorced, he tried to come after my assets that my parents had been putting aside for me since I was a baby. He wanted to start a new business for him, and half of those assets would have been very helpful. Luckily, I never commingled the money, so it wasn’t marital property. But man, was he pissed when the mediator told him “no.” My parents and even myself would not have guessed that the man I married would become the selfish man I divorced. My brother’s wife is terrible with money and wastes it endlessly – my parents didn’t work all their lives and save so that upon their deaths and my brother’s possible divorce, his ex-wife can go on lavish trips. I have a friend who inherited and commingled the funds with her now-estranged husband to pay for his medical school and personal investments. They’ve been fighting over asset splitting for months now. A prenup just makes things cleaner, because divorces are ugly and people can be greedy and unfair. 

Post # 7
Member
11139 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Twizbe :  

Pre nups absolutely can be legally binding. Many were tossed out by the courts as unenforceable when they first became a thing

Individual states have their own rules for creating a valid, enforceable contract. They aimed to fix the weaknesses in the contract.

In general, some of the popular reasons prenups have failed:

Inequality of bargaining power

Duress

Lack of adequate time for consideration 

Lack of full disclosure 

Unconscionability

Fraud

One party waves statutory rights (eg, child support)

One party has not reviewed the contract with an attorney of their choosing 

 

That should give you the general idea.

Keep in mind that any litigation arising out of a prenup will be adjudicated under contract law, not community property law. The big issue is often the inequality of bargaining power.  An wealthy partner is going to have to prove that the other partner freely negotiated and entered the contract.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Divorce brings out the worst in people. I know someone whose ex wife took literally everything when they split up, down to the shower curtain. All a prenup is is a plan for how you will divide assets if you end up divorcing. It’s  lot easier to decide that stuff while you’re still friends than when you’ve decided to divorce. It’s no reflection on you or your relationship. Life is hard and marriages fail and if you don’t understand that your marriage isn’t guaranteed to make it, you’re not being realistic.

 

Post # 9
Member
3484 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
sassy411 :  I am in the UK and they are not legally binding here. Judges can take them into account but very few couple will have them.

We discussed having one before we married as my husband inherited some property. It was my idea to get one and said that I would want half of the house we lived (part of the inheritance) in or any property we brought together but the rest of the properties were his and I had no claim to them. I did say that I would want his share to be signed over to our children at that stage though.

In the end he said he couldn’t be bothered to sort it and as it wouldn’t be worth much we didn’t bother.

Post # 10
Member
9208 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
soexcited123 :  parents can’t force their adult children to get prenups no matter how much money they have. If the couple doesn’t want one then don’t have one. Now the parents could decide to change their own will or refuse to pay for the wedding, but then that is also their choice. 

Post # 11
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

I will have one.  My SO is well prepared for early retirement and stands to inherit as well as his parents only child.  I’m not interested in any of his money or properties if our marriage didn’t work out.  The prenup also allows me to provide for my children from my assets separately as he doesn’t need them.  Its a dust gathering piece of paper, but if it all goes to hell you’ll be glad you did it.  I get that it feels icky.  I just figure I’ll get through it and then forget about it. 

Post # 12
Member
11139 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Twizbe :  

Aaaahhh, my apologies.  I was only considering US law.

Post # 13
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah, I would be a little hurt if I was asked to sign one, because in my mind, I would never try and go for more than what was fair, even if the divorce wasn’t my idea, and even if my husband had treated me badly and deserved me being unfair, I’d like to think I’d take the high road.

 

But that’s theoretical. I don’t actually know what I would do in that situation because I haven’t been there. And if I can’t know what I would do, how can I expect my inlaws to know what I would do?

 

And by the way, prenups don’t always say, ‘I get everything and my spouse gets nothing’. When Paul McCartney married Heather Mills, (and look how that turned out!) I believe they published an excerpt from their agreement and she got a set amount of money based on how many years they were married, per the agreement. No, not romantic, but probably a relief for both of them come divorce, when it was one less thing to fight over and have to pay attorneys.

 

Post # 14
Member
8397 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Everyone signs a pre-nup. Just that your state /provincial law determines whats in it. 

I wish people weren’t so cringey with pre-nups. Its just customizing the outcome for your specific circumstance.

I fall onto the “if you feel entitled to everything your spouse and their family has you come off greedy”, but I see the other side as trust. However, to me, trust is worth nothing, while inheritance could literally be worth millions. 

Post # 15
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee

I get what you’re saying. Parents shouldn’t have a say in what their children do with money they give as inheritance. If they’re worried, they need to change the inheritance part, not ask the children to get prenups. I don’t know why a parent would care so much that their “wealth” went to someone AFTER it went to their children. It’s their children’s decision.

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