- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I used to find the idea of a prenup offensive, but as I’ve gotten older and experienced more of life I have come to realise just how unpredictable it can be. Obviously, you choose a partner trust wholeheartedly and who you would never, ever anticipate would hurt you or take from you, but there is absolutely no guarantee that they will be that same person in 5, 10, 30 years.
The real eye-opening experience for me was when my first serious boyfriend developed sudden and unexpected psychotic symptoms. It was like a lightswitch had been flicked and he went from head over heels in love with me to hating me and accusing me of horrible, horrible things. What if something like that happens with my fiance after we have married? What if he develops a paranoid/delusional mental disorder and wants to make me pay for the horrible things he thinks I did?
Obviously, that is an extreme example and very unlikely, but the fact that it did happen so suddenly with someone I thought I knew once just goes to show how unpredictable life can be, and how unpredictable people can be.
I trust my fiance 100%. I would never, ever hesitate to share anything with him, whether it’s my deepest darkest secrets, money, or physical possessions. But if I was independently welathy or the owner of a successful business that I had poured my sweat, blood and tears into over years of struggle, I would want to protect that from the unpredictability of life. Would I assume that my FH and I were going to divorce? God no! Would I assume that if we did, he’d try to take everything or even half of everything I’ve earned? Absolutely not! That kind of vindictive behaviour is completely contrary to his nature. However, I cannot presume to know without a shred of doubt who he will be in 20 years or what might happen to him. He may get into an accident that causes a brain injury that changes his personality. That’s been known to happen. Anything can happen.
Let’s say my H and I worked so hard all our lives and saved a hefty amount. Our daughter is married with no prenup. H & I suddenly die, and now daughter inherits this massive amount of money. After we die, they divorce and her ex H goes after the massive amount of inheritance we left our dear daughter. We do not want to change inheritance part to leave our daughter with less, but we also don’t want her life to be ruined later when she’s in her mid 40s and her ex H wipes half of her net worth and she has to start all over again .
This is why a parent would care so much where their wealth goes after inheritance.
OP, you are entitled to come to your own decision regarding how you feel about prenups. I personally would never sign one. If a man didn’t trust (future) me enough to leave it to the entirely just laws of the land, then I’d feel/know that he didn’t truly know me, and I wouldn’t want to marry him anyways. I know my personal feelings on the matter are not popular, but they are still valid. It’s just an issue of compatibility. I wouldn’t feel compatible with a man who was pro-prenup.
Never underestimate someone’s ability to act a fool in a divorce.
Marriage is a decision to legally tie yourself to another person. A pre-nup is an excellent way to keep things practical and matter of fact in case that legal tie breaks down. Also- pre-nups do not just protect the person with assets. They also protect the person who is marrying the person with assets. That is why both sides need representation.
if you only want the emotions and romance, its best not to legally bind yourself to others people.
I think of it as protection for both people—-make a decision when you both are positively inclined and at your best so that you are both bound to act well st some future date when you might be angry and hurt (of course build in exceptions in case one of you actually fire something wrong!)
Money changes people. Especially the no longer having it part.
Prenups take care of the logistics before hurt egos, and pride rule in the event of a bitter divorce.
<u>duchessgummybunns :</u> You make a good point – it is definitately down to the couple and being on the same page about something like this is a good sign of compatability.
To give an example, Darling Husband and I have always been the type to talk about the future in very practical terms. When we first moved in together we had a long chat about who would do what in the house, how we would handle money and what would happen if we broke up including splitting our joint account, who would move out and who owned what furniture. When we started renovating our house we were engaged by not married and I was very clear that I would only pay for moveable things and I was not investing my money into a house I didn’t have a legal claim to (he had inherited it so it was in his name) Interestingly enough recently our fridge started to play up and Darling Husband was getting really worried that he couldn’t find any record of buying it or its warranty in his records until I reminded him that I had brought it as it was ‘moveable’.
Talking about what happened in the case of a divorce while we still liked each other was second nature to us and very our style.
Well in my case I’m the one with the assets. If you don’t like it, don’t have one.
Sorry but I don’t feel an ex husband is entitled to half of a house they didn’t purchase.
I didn’t have one but I think it’s especially great when people already have children going into a new marriage. I’ve heard cases where there was no prenup and in a divorce, a step parent takes away an inherited house/money that really was meant to be saved for their step child.
Regarding the parent example in the OP. The DIL/SIL is chosen by your child and not by you. They might be a total stranger. There are several families where kids spouses are not considered part of the family. There are people that marry wihtout dating a lot. Sometimes they live far away and they have met the in laws only once etc. in this argument it could be said that “why not a prenup, cause you are never gitting a divorce the” same way you can say “we don’t need a prenup because we are not getting a divorce”
my fi mom has access to his accounts and can see how much money is coming in and out but says she never actually looks. I side eyed him hard core for that one.
I also told him when we get married that sh*t is over. And if I pass, it will be written where money will go and since if I pass Ill leave four fur babies behind, I want to make sure they are cared for.
And if he passes and there are expenses that need to be paid, I don’t want to squibble over money with his mom. I want it to be cut and dry.
So that is the purpose of a pre-nup. It also protects the fiancee too I have sh*t I dont want going to his parents if I pass, that I would want going to him or my bro. So that too will be clearly outlined.
You’re not entitled to anything you didn’t work for that isn’t yours regardless of someone choosing you. If you inherit wealth because your SO had wealthy parents that left it all that’s great but you shouldn’t expect a dime. HE chose you, his family did not. It doesn’t matter how amazing you are. There’s people including celebrities who don’t even leave their wealth to their blood children so what makes a DIL or SIL so special? Nothing. Their money their choice to do what they want with it. What if your opposition to a prenup which is only used in the event of a divirce bit you in the ass? What I mean is you don’t agree to sign the prenup so in laws cut SO out of their will because of you but you and H never end up getting divorced so now you not only screwed him out of his iinheritance but yourself too. I’m not suggesting you should be after the money but trying to get you to see that they’re only there for DIVORCE not for marriage.
I don’t think you should marry someone you need a prenup with unless you have an extraordinary amount of wealth then I see it as unnecessary. We’ve been together since we were 18 & 19 so everything we own is ours. Neither of us have large amounts of inheritance coming and honestly it’d be kind of a joke if we got a prenup. “You get the tv and the couches” and “I get the fish tank and the iPad”… lol it’d just be a waste of time for us. If we’d met at 30 and one of us already had kids and lots of money in savings then maybe, just maybe, I’d consider. But I still get such an icky feeling about prenups. I believe marriage is forever- not just when it’s easy.
It’s not always about money. I’ve seen both property and a family business, held for generations, have to be sold after a divorcing spouse made claim to half the value.