Post # 1
What are your views on a prenup if the groom is well off and your income is average? He says it’s nothing personal, he just wants to protect what is his if we end up splitting up down the road, he says he learned things from his last marriage. He does have lots of investments and accounts and all and I wouldn’t dare dream of taking or trying to take any of that from him. He offers to buy me things all the time but I don’t feel right about it so I don’t really let him, only dinners and the occassional movie night or weekend trip.
I told him I wasn’t after his money and had no issue about signing a prenup… Should I be bothered about him wanting me to do that? Or is this more normal these days?
Post # 3
I think it’s pretty normal these days. You really do never know what might happen down the line.
Post # 4
I don’t see anything wrong with it, but what happens if you have kids and decide to stay home to take care of them. If you get divorced, will he help support you?
I think you just want to make sure you on the same page about finances and your roles in the relationship. It’s better to talk about this now, rather than later down the road when it’s too late.
Post # 5
I don’t see anything wrong with it. My mother and her husband have a prenup. He has been very financially responsible up until now and has a son of his own. Not to mention her last husband had less than stellar ethics about money and wouldn’t think twice about destroying her credit, which is now his credit as well.
Post # 6
I think it’s pretty normal. Considering this man has gone thorugh this before, he is probably more realistic about what can potentially occur down the road.
Post # 7
I would do the prenup if you’d like. Just make sure that you’re okay with the terms and that the prenup has your best interest as well.
Post # 8
I haven’t really had any issue with the thoughts of it. I was the one who actually first suggested it. He said he believes I wouldn’t go after things, but he also said that when divorce happens and people get mad about things, people tend to do things you normally wouldn’t think they would do.
I jokingly told him I wanted him to state that if he cheated on me, I’d get half of everything, he just said it wouldn’t work out like that. But he and I are both the type that if things went sour, we’d end it before any cheating happened. It is what it is I guess….
Post # 9
If he has something worth protecting then he should cover himself just in case the unthinkable happens (in this case, divorce). He’s obviously been screwed over before and he doesn’t want that to happen again. No-one can say for sure that their relationship is going to last forever, especially when you look at the statistics.
Post # 10
I don’t see anything wrong with this … you just have to make sure that you guys are on the same page in terms of child support and whatever else so you don’t get screwed over 🙂
Post # 11
and it’s not just about the money. it’s about figuring out a way to dissolve the marriage and separate your lives while you both still have respect and love for each other.
Post # 12
Yes. Sign a prenup. BUT it should protect both of you, not just him. Go over it with your own attorney and consider how you would want or need to be taken care of in a divorce, especially if it’s a “fault” divorce (like if he cheats on you, etc.). You can write in all of that sort of thing – like, if you choose to mutually go your ways, he keeps what % he came in with, etc. but if you have evidence of an affair, you get $X alimony/retirement/etc.
OR if you have kids and sacrifice your career to stay home, you should be financially protected in case of a divorce, even mutual, because you are providing a service that the two of you otherwise would have had to pay for (childcare) AND taking a depreciation on your own career value with a gap in your resume, etc.
So, in summary, don’t sign something that just says you get $0 if something happens. Talk to your OWN attorney (not the same one who helped him draft it; that’s a conflict of interests) and make sure YOU are protected.
Post # 13
I don’t see anything wrong with it. You don’t go buy car insurance expecting to get in an accident; you drive around and expect you’re going to get home just fine. A prenup is just like that. I don’t think it starts the marriage off with an expectation of failure.
Also if you do get a prenup, make sure you update it every year or so, to reflect your changing financial situation, kids, stuff like that.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Well, you answered your own question– he learned from his last marriage.
Presumably, he didn’t think that one was going to end either… But the fact is, people change, and if you ever find yourselves in that kind of a situation, he wants to ensure that he is protected. I don’t think it’s anying personal, and I wouldn’t worry about it because ideally, neither of you will ever think about that document after the day its signed.
Post # 15
@QuietOne: Totally agree, well put.