Post # 1
I am in a state of shock right now. FH dropped an 18 page prenup on me over the holiday weekend and we are now 2 days away from the wedding. I have a family member who is a divorce lawyer review it yesterday and he said absolutely do not sign it. We had loosely talked about a prenup before and it may have been even before we were engaged. But nothing over the last year of planning at all…it is a completely one sided agreement. I have told him I will not sign it and offered to do a post nuptial. I have no problem with prenuputals at all but I had no say in anything and I feel completely undermined and almost blackmailed in a way being we are two days out! He wants to protect his business and home if anything were to happen. I am not bringing a lot to the table but I certainly feel I should have been included in such a major contract. Any advice? Has this happened to anyone before? Is this even legal to do so close to the wedding in NY? I can’t even think of what I have to do because I am completely distracted.
Post # 2
Wow what a dick move to do that so close to the wedding! Im pretty sure they dont even hold up in court if theyre signed right before… but Im no attorney. Im sorry bee. If it were me I would a) refuse to sign something so one sided b) express my rage at waiting to the 11th hour to do this… if he would make you postpone over this, after all that planning, Id just cancel the whole thing.
ETA: if you were open to a prenup all along its extra obnoxious that he just did this in secret essentially and presented it the days before when you had all year to work it out not under duress…
Post # 3
My opinion is probably very different than most bees.
To answer your question, every state is different and you need to check your laws.
So many people hate prenups, and for the wrong reasons. A prenup is there to protect assets in the event of divorce. Why in the world do you feel like you are entitled to his home and business in the event of the divorce? Divorce in this country would be so much easier if there wasn’t the desire to level the playing fields. It’s just nasty. You should leave a marriage with what you brought in and if you brought in nothing I am sorry to say, but you leave with nothing. Divorce in this country can be simpler.
If you feel strongly about having ties to his home and business be prepared to not get married because it is probably something he feels strongly about. I guess you have to ask yourself what you want more as does he and if the two of you can’t come to an agreement then so be it.
Post # 4
lizziegrant: I’m so sorry bee! I totally think you should have been included when making this decision! I also totally feel that this was cold and a little heartless of him to do this close to the wedding! Can you talk to him at all and try to make a compromise or even revise it together before getting married?
Post # 5
Ditto to the dick move. I know nothing about prenups, but general rule I follow is if something isn’t comfortable for me, I don’t sign. Same should go for you. You do NOT have to sign this. If he causes an uproar with it, well maybe it’ll be good he is showing his true colors now while you can still back away.
Post # 6
sunsetsky: The OP does not have a problem with pre-nups. She has a problem with the contract being dropped into her lap with no warning 6 days before the wedding. And quite rightly.
Post # 7
daffodils: She had a lawyer look at it. She knows where she stands. My point is she can’t say he is dropping it so close to the wedding to force her to sign it if she is not willing to walk away from the relationship.
Post # 8
I’m for prenups, not thrown at you in this time frame however. What is one sided? Are you protected at all?
Post # 9
Yes, and her lawyer advised her not to sign it, because like all contracts it needs negotiation. Something which can’t easily be done with 6 days notice.
Post # 10
sunsetsky: Absolutely wrong, that if you come into the marriage with nothing, you leave with nothing. Each party is entitled to half of what they built together during the marriage.
A home or business belonging to one party stays with that party after a divorce. Crucial, as this bride did, to show a prenup to her own attorney before signing it. If the Fiance refuses to marry her unless she signs a one-sided prenup, that is unfortunate but that should not make her sign. If she did, she would resent him, rightfully, and that wouldn’t bode well for the marriage anyway.
Post # 11
I do not think pre nups in themselves are bad things. you may have more to protrct than you realize- if your family owns property you will inherit for example. Or if in ten years you create your own booming buisiness he has nothing to do with. Laws are different in every state, and not all pre-nups are created eaqual. did a lawyer draft his? I would suggest that wither together or independently you need to work with lawyers to come up with an agreement you agree on. if this can’t be done prior to the wedding a post nuptials should suffice.
ETA- did he say WHY he waited so long? Is it because he forgot about this till last minute? Did a friend pressure him into it? Did he think you were on the same page and you just weren’t?
Post # 12
lizziegrant: I’m usually down for the prenup but in this case no! Prenups like other contracts need negotiations there is no time for that. I’m so sorry bee. Hugs. If your lawyer says don’t sign it dont sign it.
Post # 13
My point is she can’t say he is dropping it so close to the wedding to force her to sign it if she is not willing to walk away from the relationship.
Whether that was his intent or strategy, it is, in effect, the result. She has a couple of days to sign it, or negotiate revisions. His timing sucks. The last thing a couple needs added to the “TO DO” list in the week before the wedding is “Negotiate a pre-nup”.
We have a pre-nup. It is a way of deciding what will happen to the assets of the union when you are calm, reasonable and getting along well. It might save a lot of difficulties later on.
Post # 14
Idk about your state but in mine it is not a valid agreement unless signed within a certain amount of time in advance of the wedding (like way more than 6 days), and reviewed by another attorney (which you have done). Stand your ground and follow your attorney’s counsel, don’t sign and negotiate it until it is a fair agreement you are comfortable with. If he won’t agree to a post nup you may have to postpone the wedding. That sucks that he was so sly about it instead of communicating openly and including you in the process. =/
Post # 15
Why don’t you have your lawyer mark it up with his comments to make it less one-sided. Just telling you not to sign it isn’t all that helpful. Since negotiations won’t be complete before the wedding, just do a postnup. I wouldn’t blame him too much for the one-sided agreement. Lawyers always present draft agreements that heavily favor their own client. It is your lawyer’s job to edit it to make it more favorable to you.