(Closed) Prenup 6 days before wedding!

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 16
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m generally a fan of prenups but this is manipulative.  He’s putting pressure on you to sign it because he knows full well that the fully planned and funded wedding, as well as the convenience of your guests, will make it much more difficult for you to refuse.  I wouldn’t sign it. 

Depending on where you live, those pre-marital assets of his might be protected anyway even without a prenup.  I think you did the right thing by refusing and offering to do a post nuptual once you both have ample time and legal representation.  I assume since you don’t have much in the terms of assets that it’s mostly his money that would be lost cancelling the wedding. 

Post # 17
Hostess
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

lizziegrant:  What the feck!? What a shitty move. I would not want to marry someone who would do that 2 days before the wedding. Why on earth did he not give this to you sooner, or you know, had more of a conversation about it with you?!?!!

Post # 18
Hostess
3189 posts
Sugar bee

Is he refusing to proceed with the wedding unless and until the prenup is signed? Did you ask him why he hadn’t brought this up before?

Post # 19
Member
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Did he actually think you would have no issue with this?  Or do you think he knew this would be a problem for you and he waited intentionally… maybe he is unsure and looking for an out? 

I just can’t understand how anyone could think that dropping this on their SO, a few days before wedding, with no mention of this before hand, would not be met with some animosity.  It takes time to draw up these agreements, and he is railroading you into signing his… or what?  You don’t have time now, so you have what options?  this or nothing?  This is a horrible way to start a marriage.

Post # 20
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

In some states, a prenup like this will not be enforceable in the event of divorce because it is coercive.

Post # 21
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

lizziegrant:  This wasn’t a fair thing to do to you. Don’t sign out of a feeling of pressure. Sometimes people do this: they rely on the other person being too freaked out and emotional to think straight.

Protect yourself.

I think you need to ask him, asap, what made him decide to spring this on you at the last moment? As you said, he had over a year to protect himself while also showing consideration to you. I’m hoping this was a last-minute freakout that he will agree to discuss after the wedding, and not an attempted manipulation, as it looks.

Edit – nothing against prenups, but this time frame is not reasonable.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  mangosandcats.
Post # 22
Member
3351 posts
Sugar bee

Is dropping a bomb at the last minute part of his character or is this a one-off? I hear you how this can be very concerning. He sounds like he understands the raminifactions of the prenup so he should also have understood that you need a hot minute to make sure it is fair. I don’t really know what to tell you – you already have a family lawyer in your jurisdiction reviewing it. I guess have him send edits to your dear fiance’s attorney asap. Unless you are just grossed out by the surprise of it all.

Just editing because the more I think about this, the more uh, annoyed, I become. I’m a lawyer. He did not just think of this overnight. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  SLOBee.
Post # 23
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I wouldn’t sign and I’d be livid. For the record I’m not really anti pre-nup. That required meeting/consulting/talking to an attorney behind your back. Fiance and I share everything with each other (especially big things like drawing up legal documents!) this would be a total betrayal. You should have been involved with the process and what ever small contribution you bring to the table should be equally protected. The way you describe it only he is protected. Springing it on you right before the wedding with no warning is just ugly.

Post # 24
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

6 days is a dick move, but why do you think you would be entitled to any part of his home or business if he had those before marrying you?

Post # 25
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee

I hope that prenup keeps him warm at night. 

Post # 26
Member
8813 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lizziegrant:  This would really make me question what kind of person he is. What else is he going to drop on you at highly-charged and vulnerable moments? This is super shitty. There’s no way in hell this 18 page legal document slipped his mind or just suddenly occurred to him. This is shady.

Post # 28
Member
3351 posts
Sugar bee

queennen:  She hasn’t said she thinks she is entitled to his business and property. Prenups contain lots of things besides just the big assets at issue.

Post # 29
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

SLOBee:  

She said he wants to protect his home and business if anything should happen…

we don’t know what else is in the pre-nup…

In all fairness – we don’t know when they started planning the wedding, discussed the prenup etc…

I am getting married in August and I haven’t done my pre-nup yet…my fiance and I have discussed it and I don’t anticipate any problems, but you don’t just walk into an attorney’s office and say, “I want a pre-nup” and walk out with one…you have to provide A LOT of paperwork – even for just a “vanilla” one…I doubt he “forgot” about it – my guess is he just got it from his attorney…

Post # 30
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would counter with my own version that protects BOTH of you.  I get protecting his house and business… but if any of your assets will be going toward either of them (IE you’re helping to pay the mortgage), then you need protection as well.

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