Post # 31
I wouldn’t be mad at the content of the document. I may have the unpopular opinion that he is entitled to everything he brought in… But I would be upset that this was not brought up before, and should have been an open conversation between you two all along.
Post # 32
ct2015: “we don’t know when they started planning the wedding, discussed the prenup etc…“
Yes we do. This was in the OP: “We had loosely talked about a prenup before and it may have been even before we were engaged. But nothing over the last year of planning at all.“
Even if he did just get it from his lawyer, why didn’t he clue her in that he was working on it so she should have her lawyer get ready to review? He’s shady. Ten to one he expected her to just sign it rather than risk having to call off the wedding. Which if I were her, I would absolutely do if he pushes it at all.
Post # 33
What I don’t understand is why he would do it so soon before the wedding even from HIS perspective. His attorney should have been able to tell him that 6 days before the wedding is not enough time for it to be upheld legally in the event of a divorce. Then again, maybe he’s been holding on to it for a while, and is just a manipulative dickhead rather than an idiot manipulative dickhead.
The richest man in IL (Ken Griffin) is currently going through a terrible divorce, made much more terrible by the fact that he sprung a pre-nup on his wife the night before their wedding. So basically it’s now like they never had one in the first place, and they’re starting from scratch.
OP, have you asked WHY he did this so late? I’d let him deal with canceling the wedding and telling all the guests why, that’s for sure. I’m totally anti pre-nup because I don’t think people should get married at all if they’re that willing to look at it as a temporary situation.
Post # 34
Daisy_Mae: agreed! Super shady.
OP, While prep ups are a good idea, the way this was done suggests your Fiance doesn’t value calm discussion and team decisions or negotiations. This is more alarming than what he actually wants in his pre nup.
I would ask him if he thinks this is fair and if this is the way he chooses to “negotiate” important things.
Post # 35
My bad – I missed that!
I do feel like there is more to the story though that we are missing…
Post # 36
so, at least in Washington state, a prenup signed less than 60 days before the wedding is incredibly likely to be thrown out. Less than 2 weeks, in pretty much any state I’d imagine, you can easily argue it was signed under duress. Less than 2 weeks just isn’t enough time, by any state’s standards, to get an attorney to represent you, go over the document with you, submit for necessary changes (because believe it or not, both parties get a say in what goes in the prenup and its a back and forth editing until every one is happy), and then sign. We just picked up our prenup yesterday after it got its last signature, and we didn’t stall at all AND we already 100% agreed on what would go in it–but it still took us about 2 months to make that thing happen from conception to final signatures.
Sorry Fiance, but even if you do sign a prenup it won’t hold up in court at this point.
Options are to postpone wedding and do prenup shit, or get married and do a post-nup.
ETA: I see some comments on the 18 page thing, as if that means its long. just want to put it out there: my prenup is 19 pages and the ONLY thing we have in it is that “any inheritences and current assets are to be considered private property, not community property, unless moved into a community account and then it is to be considered a gift to the community.” literally 100% else is the status quo for washington state. You still need 19 pages to say all that. 18 pages is not a long prenup by any means.
Post # 37
I’m so sorry to hear of this happening. Had this happened to me, I’d postpone the wedding. I might even be willing to announce publically that it was because he blindsided me with an 18pg pre-nup six days prior to the ceremony. I’d rank this right up there with finding out that my Fiance had an affair, embezzeled at work, or threw rocks at puppies. It’s a betrayal of common values that you thought you both shared and on such values were about to start a family unit/household.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been hit by this betrayal but here’s hoping that you can sort things out, reconcile, and resume planning another wedding in the near future.
<– hopeless romantic
Post # 38
lizziegrant: I agree with others. He didn’t get this done at the last minute. Very shady and manipulative. That’s not the kind of guy I’d want to start a life-long marriage with. I really don’t know that I’d go through with the wedding. I would have to think long and hard about what kind of man he really is. Sorry. Weddings are costly, but divorces much more so, I’ve heard. Best Wishes and good luck with your decision.
Post # 39
sunsetsky: let me clarify – I have no interest in his business or any property that he is coming into the marriage with. What’s his is his and should stay that way. What I am concerned about is in the event I am widowed I am not entitled to anything according to this agreement. I am also not entitled to any appreciation in value of the house if it increases while we are married. Whether or not my income is anywhere near his (it isn’t!) I don’t know that I agree with that…
Post # 40
lizziegrant: I see big red flags. I wouldn’t sign. At least I would postpone, if not cancel entirely.
Post # 41
This prenup specifically speaks to wealth that might’ve been inherited upon his death? Like, his lawyer alludes to drafting a will with similar restrictions? If so, wow.
Post # 42
lizziegrant: I’m under the impression it’s a pretty standard clause to state that you are not entitled to the other’s private property in the event of their death, but that does not prevent him from bequeathing it to you. That was thrown in to ours as a standard line–its so that someone can bequeath their family business to his family, for example. We’ve got it in our wills that we bequeath everything to the spouse, but if we have kids I’ll probably change that so some of my private property goes straight to the kid as a trust fund and I imaigne Fiance will too. Appreciation of a house that is his private property makes sense it’d be his alone, just like if his money was in a brokerage account and did well in there it’d still be his private property.
That said, this further illustrates why a 6 day before the wedding prenup would never hold up. You should be able to talk to your attorney and find out exactly how strange this prenup is or is not and decide what you’d like changed in order to make it sign-able. P.S. Without legal council you can’t sign a prenup, period. Even if he gave it to you 800 days in advance. It’d be thrown out of court in a heartbeat.
Post # 43
I’d call his bluff. But I am an asshole.
Prenups are cool. Prenups 6 days out from the wedding, that you had no clue he was drafting is not cool. Prenups 6 days out that try to ensure you will receive nothing if you are a widow, are definitely not cool.
Post # 44
Agree with PPs. He’s dropped it on you hoping you’d just sign it and continue on with the wedding as planned. Super shady and has to put a damper on everything. Sorry, Bee…
Post # 45
ct2015: I don’t think she is saying that she is entitled to his home or business, at least that is not the way I interpreted it.
I am wondering why he would not want you to have anything in case you are widowed? Sorry bee, but that doesn’t right to me. I know my honey would want me to be well taken care of in case something ever happened to him.
Also, unless you are helping pay the mortgage, I don’t know why part of his house should go to you. I am moving into my fiance’s house and he will solely pay the mortgage and I have no expectation that I should get any of his property should we get a divorce.