Post # 46
I’m sorry. How incredibly stressful. As many have said, I don’t disagree with prenups under certain situations, but his timing is absurd. It just seems like a jerk move. I heard someone say once — don’t marry someone who you wouldn’t want to be divorced from. Like, can you see the person being a jerk during divorce proceedings. Your guy sounds like a nightmare to get a divorce from, if he thinks this is appropriate behavior. He’s certainly not treating you with any kindness or consideration. Unless he’s just totally spacey/clueless about it, in which case he should be fine with a postnup. Good luck!
Post # 47
SLOBee: Any term in a contract that is coercive or obtained under duress can be found unenforceable. Contract jurisprudence concerning prenups typically covers more than just “big assets.” So I’m not really sure what distinction you’re making.
Post # 49
queennen: I acutally 100% agree with your original comment. Something went awry and my comment, intended as a reply to someone else’s comment, replied to yours instead. Don’t know what happened there.
Post # 50
I work for a law office so I understand and appreciate the importance of legal documentation to protect yourself. However, this is something that you both should’ve sat down and discussed ahead of time. At best, he misunderstood your previous conversations and didn’t read the prenup well before passing it to you (totally unlikely though), at worst, he used the fact that you might be overwhelmed and involved in wedding planning to intimidate you into signing more than what you two had previously discussed.
I think that the best you could do is call an emergency meeting with your attorney and his and discuss the prenup. Try to come to some common ground and to something that makes more sense. Yes, he can keep his house and business, but you should have some say on the things you create together, and also on benefits if one of you passes. This prenup sounds like it was drafting without any consideration towards you and one day of your lives shouldn’t permanently disrupt the rest of it because you were essentially “blackmailed” into signing it. What has he said about your complaints and issues with the prenup? Is he willing to negotiate some of the points? What happens if you can’t agree on it, will he completely break the relationship?
Post # 51
Utter bullshit. I am so so cool from all his shade.
Post # 53
Oh yeah OP,
Almost forgot to mention: Your fiance is an asshole.
Post # 54
Prenups can be appropriate in some situations. Maybe even yours, I don’t know.
What is NOT appropriate is dropping it in your lap, without any prior discussion, with a sense of urgency due to the upcoming wedding, and in a way that appears (if the lawyer you talked to is correct, and I have no reason to believe they aren’t) very one sided. This is absolutely bizarre:
“What I am concerned about is in the event I am widowed I am not entitled to anything according to this agreement. I am also not entitled to any appreciation in value of the house if it increases while we are married.”
Why would you not be entitled to any appreciation? Your own labour (and money) is presumably going into it as well. Does he have a will? Because if the prenup says that, what does his will say?
I would not sign. I also have serious doubts that given the way you were provided the prenup to sign, without giving you appropriate time to get independent legal advice, or to counter-negotiate, and only days before the wedding it would be enforceable anyway. But I would not rely on that.
Does your Fiance have any clue what is in that prenup because if he does, I am not seeing him in a good light. Does he have any explanation for why he did not discuss it with you before he went to see a lawyer, not only to discuss terms but to give you notice to also get some legal counsel yourself?
Post # 55
If funds for maintenance and improvements to the house will be coming from both parties, OP should definitely be entitled to a portion of any appreciation in value of the property. Proper maintenance (replacing roof, windows, etc.) and improvements (kitchen remodel, etc.) contribute significantly to the home’s value.
Post # 56
I don’t think you SHOULD be entitled to any appreciation of the house unless you are paying part or all of the mortgage.
If I have $5,000 in a savings account when we sign a prenup and through good investing that grows to $5,000,000 – it’s all still mine. The appreciation had nothing to do you.
Now, if I have $5,000, you add $5,000 and together it grows to $10,000,000, then sure, you would be entitled to appreciation. But otherwise, no.
I don’t see the big deal with this exact pre-nup. I think the prenup is fine. However the last minute thing does bother me.
Post # 57
scissorgirl: It’s their home. Surely her labor, and most likely her money, will be used to keep the house in good shape, contributing to it’s appreciation. If the hot water tank springs a leak and he’s away on business, do you think she’s just going to let it flood the basement until he gets home? Because it’s “his house”? Or do you think she’s going to shut off the valve and clean up the mess before it does permanent damage? Using your thinking, she should just let it keep spraying, as long as none of her stuff is down there getting wet. That’s not a marriage to me.
Post # 58
Daisy_Mae: If he is much wealthier than her, then yeah, I could see her calling him up and saying “Omg the water heater broke!” and he would pay for it.
Cleaning up something doesnt make you entitled to it lol. I pick up some garbage in a public park, doesn’t entitle me to public tax money.
Post # 59
lizziegrant: legit question, with only 6 days, what would happen if you didn’t sign? would he not marry you? would he postpone the wedding? like what if you said nothing, wedding day came…would he burst into the bridal suite with his prenup and a pen? this seems so bizzare…
but truthfully, could you just ignore it? and then eventually work on a post-nup…
or what if you just said, my lawyer advised me not to sign and since you only gave me 6 days to deal with this…it will just have to wait until after the wedding. end of story.
Post # 60
Whether the prenup is fair or not, the issue for me is that he dropped this bomb six days before your wedding. Is this his standard operating procedure? Is this how he will deal with every difficult task/topic in your marriage? I would be very concerned about marrying this man without a lot of premarital counseling and soul searching.
If you decide to go forward, please make sure you flesh out all what ifs in the event you have kids and you divorce or he passes away (I would wait a few years to have them though, given this bomb).
Also talk to a good insurance agent. I know someone whose personal items (and wverything else in the home that he had technically bought) were not covered by homeowner’s insurance because his name was not on the deed nor insurance policy. So make sure you protect yourself from a loss and liability perspective.