(Closed) Prenup fairness

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First, seek out your own attorney and have them do all of the negotiating on your behalf. This will ensure that emotions stay out of it and you get a fair outcome.

Second, have your attorney revise the draft and ask for half of everyhing from day 1. If your position above is where you want to end up, you need to start high and negotiate lower.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but your husband may disagree. This is for the lawyers to negotiate and come to a resolution that you can both agree on. Make sure you have your dealbreakers in mind, and be flexible with everything else.

Good luck!!

Post # 4
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LD:  “most marriages end due to infidelity”  Not accurate.  You would also need a ‘don’t be an asshole’, ‘clean up after yourself’, ‘make time for me’, ‘stop spending so much god damn money’ and ‘it’s time to bone’ clause…

What assets are you bringing to the table?  So far this appears one sided.

Post # 5
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i don’t think there is anything wrong with the current prenup but there should be more added for sure.

i think you make a good point about an infidelity clause.  hope for the best but prepare for the worse.  anything could happen.

as for the financial assistance, because you are going to be a stay at home mom you should request spousal support for up to a year to get back on your feet, find a job, home, etc.

i think that would be fair and deserving.

Post # 6
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I agree with @CanAmBride, get your attorney to re-write this.

It’s great that he gets so much $ but to say that everything is his (if you divorce) leaves you with nothing, no home, no vehicle, no security for your kids. It’s just not a fair pre-nup, he gets everything and you are left penniless without a job.

Post # 7
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My husband and I have a cheating clause in our prenup… We have both been cheated on in the past (by other people, not eachother) so we wanted to be protected in the very unlikely event that it happened…

That said, I agree with PP that said to get a lawyer to look it over… I understand not being entitled to the money he made in a deal prior to your marriage, however, I feel like any major purchases made TOGETHER with the money once you are married should be split… but that’s just me.

Post # 8
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’re being COMPLETELY reasonable–although I think that maybe the infidelity clause should entitle you to SOME part of that $, maybe not 1/2


As far as what assets you’re brining, well one will be that you are going to be a stay at home mother to his children, taking yourself out of the workforce. 


Again, that doesn’t entitle you to 1/2 of the $ he’s getting for selling his business before the marriage–but it does entitle you to SOMETHING if the marriage ends through his indiscretions, not yours




Post # 9
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to be protected if you’re choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, but I don’t think those things belong in a prenup. Too much can change between when the prenup is written and when a divorce happens.  If you can’t put an absolute value on things, then those things don’t belong in a contract, and because you can’t say for sure what income you’d need after a divorce or how much support the kids will need, you can’t write an enforceable contract on those. Heck, you probably don’t even know how many kids will even be here if you do at some point get to a divorce!

I would leave any requests or awards of support for the hypothetical divorce lawyers to sort out. I would also consider creating an addendum to the prenup as each child is born, to cover the known/quantifiable expenses such as health insurance. But leave it at that.

As for the infidelity clause, while that works in concept, a divorce lawyer would have a field day with that, because in most jurisdictions, the law really is that if you came into the marriage with $100k and together bought a business with that $100k, it’s your business and not a marital asset.  I would probably drop that, just because it’s really not enforcable in many places, although you may want to talk to an actual lawyer.

Post # 10
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Does he still work and bring in income other than the 1 million per year from the sale? If so, I see the point of the agreement since the point of most prenups is to cover assets gained before the marriage.  Even though he doesn’t get the full 5.5 million up front before you are married, I think he is still entitled to that money as his and only his since he technically earned it before the marriage.  If he isn’t going to work anymore then I would be concerned if something happened and you are not entitled to anything, especially since you will be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  Anyways, regardless of my opinion of it, what’s important is that you are comfrotable with it.  I’d have your lawyer check it out and negotiate the details to make sure you get what you need, too.  Also, totally agree about the infidelity clause.

Post # 11
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@LD:  I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all 🙂

If you are putting your career on hold to be the primary caregiver then you should expect financial support in the unlikely event of a divorce. Many women struggle to re-enter the workforce after doing so in many professions simple because they have been out for too long.

I also agree to the infidelity clause, I think if the sole income earner can’t remain faithful then they should have to pay, after all they get to have all the professional success so their lifestyle isn’t as affected as much as the primary caregivers is by a divorce. If they want to marry you they should be prepared to support you for the rest of your lives, after all that is what you entering this marriage expecting.

Post # 13
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I dont think there is anything unreasonable about it. If he is not worried about it, he should have no problem signing just like you dont. 

@cowgirlboots:  You took the words right out of my mouth. 

Post # 14
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

This is a very thought-provoking thread, as Darling Husband and I did not sign any type of pre-nup. I brought the vast, overwhelming majority of assets into the marriage, and I had to quit my job to relocate to be with him and his children. Two years later, I still have not found any type of position in my field, at any level, in the very rural area in which we reside. We have gone through a significant portion of our savings as a result of that. 

Because we do not have a pre-nup, I am not generally bothered by this regarding my own situation. However, I am trying to picture myself in YOUR shoes right now, and I do not like where your FI’s proposed pre-nup leaves you. At ALL

Although I can totally see that a multi-millionaire may want to be wise to protect himself against the unexpected in the future, he also cannot expect that his wife is going to willingly remove herself from the workforce and, should something devastating occur in the marriage, surrender any rights she should have to her fair portion of the assets.  While I do not think it would be right for you to get the majority, or even half, of his millions, I absolutely think that, if you are going to sign a pre-nup, you would have to ensure that you would receive one half of the value of the home you share, one half of the vehicles, one half of a certain portion of cash, stocks, retirement funds, etc.  Perhaps he could “protect” SOME of that money for five years, but he most definitely should not be permitted to protect all of it and any assets that you jointly share. The fact that your Fiance is even willing to ASK you to sign what his attorney drafted is bothersome and concerning to me.

Post # 15
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I actually think the 5 year clause is pretty generous, I have seen 10 years with several people I know and I still think that is reasonable.   As for compensation for putting your career on hold you should talk to your own lawyer but I would think that should be addressed in the form of alimony for a specified period of time.

Post # 16
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol @WillyNilly:  you said…

“most marriages end due to infidelity” Not accurate. = TRUE

You would also need a ‘don’t be an asshole’, ‘clean up after yourself’, ‘make time for me’, ‘stop spending so much god damn money’ and ‘it’s time to bone’ clause…

Ya forgot a couple of other key ones… “you are an addict”… and “how dare you hit-abuse me or the kids”

Statiscally some of the biggies are… Abuse – Adultry – Addiction – Amoral Behaviour – Apathy (in no particular order)

— — —

@LD:  This is a binding legal document… and as such you need to get your own legal advice to protect your interests and the well-being of your own child.

As someone who has gone thru the pain of seperation, and heart-ache of divorce, not to mention being downright practically homeless as a result… I sooo get your concerns.

As his wife, and step-mom of his kids, if you guys were to break up then you’d certainly be entitled to support payments in some format (short-term or long-term).

Although the $ 5.5 M was technically earned BEFORE you guys are getting married, he is putting the first $ 1 M on the table upfront, so I would certainly think any of that would be fair game (especially so if it is being used for to purchase the “marital” home).  Understand where the other $ 4.5 M might need to be inhand awhile longer.

Agree that you should also have a unfaithfulness clause… but realize that such a clause will work both ways (just saying).

Find yourself a lawyer, and start the process… as others said, it will somewhat take YOU out of the equation as the potential bad-guy.  Let someone else speak for your interests… plus although a Pre-Nup is a bit of a PITA at a time when you are planning a life together, it is a ton better to go thru this upfront when you are madly in love, than let the chips fall where they may if you ever find yourself facing a Divorce.  The Divorce process sucks, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.


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