(Closed) Prenup Given to me With Less Than 3 Weeks!?

posted 11 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wholeheartedly agree with the others.  Get a lawyer asap and hand it over for him/her to look through.  also, when calling the lawyers, explain what happened.  You’d be surprised how sympathetic and happy (to help and for the business!) they’ll be to help you.

also, demand to know what the heck he’s thinking!  get an explanation and don’t be afraid to show how offended you are.  it could be he felt pressured by his family or friends into getting one… and did it to shut them up.  without asking, it’s impossible to know.

sounds like he’s trying to “force” you into signing it and, it very well COULD be held up in court if you DO sign it without a lawyer present.  if he went to a lawyer, then 10 to 1, it’s legal and binding. there are a LOT of sleezy lawyers that manage this sort of thing, so don’t think it won’t be useable in court.

a prenup is supposed to be for both sides, but it can also be very one-sided depending on how it’s drafted and stated. 

good luck and sorry you’ve gotta go through this so close to your wedding!!!

Post # 18
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with everyone else – that was really shi!!y of him to dump on you 19 days before your wedding. To do it this way screams something urgent came out of nowhere like family pressure or god forbid something else. I would absolutely want to know why it came up and is so important at this time, to work through trust issues in addition to protecting your assets.

Post # 19
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m with everyone else on this. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT sign anything until you have a lawyer of your own read over the document and make revisions where appropriate.  I am not against pre-nups, but they should be handled as a couple, to protect both parties involved.

Have you two discussed this at all or do you have any idea why he would want a pre-nup?

Post # 20
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You get your own lawyer. Don’t have him get one for you. You go do it.

Post # 21
Member
3928 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am also totally with everyone else on this. Get yourself a lawyer. If it was me, I would probably walk away from this relationship; just because he never discussed it with you ahead of time. This is something that the both of you should have discussed a long time ago; prior to setting your wedding date. What he has done is very underhanded in my opinion, and I would not trust someone like that.

Post # 22
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t have anything else to add that hasn’t already been said but I do want to say that I’m so sorry he did that the way that he did! I hope he has a good reasons for his actions.

Post # 24
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you helped him build this business, then you already should have a share of it, plain and simple.

Post # 25
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If you have participated in financing the business, or have otherwise given up assets to support that business (like your job, so that you could give the business your time) then it is not *his* business. It is a joint endeavor, and you are entitled to some share of it. No lawyer worth anything will let that stand if you show it to them.

Edited to add: and if he doesn’t understand that already, then I would be seriously concerned about how he views your role in the marriage. Allowing a lawyer to draft a pre-nup that doesn’t recognize your contribution, let along asking you to sign it, syas to me that he doesn’t view you as a full partner.

Post # 26
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If his family is worried about their assets being protected.  In some states, I know that family inheritance is not considered joint property.  It works the same way premarital assets work.  Only assets acquired during the marriage are divided during divorce, and family inheritance wouldn’t be included in that.  So their assets may already be protected without needing a pre-nup.

If you two are building a business together, then you should get half of the assets earned from that business before, during, and post marriage. PERIOD.  He in no way has rights to the full value of the business the two of you built together.  Even if you do not contribute financially to the business, you giving up your job to work on it with him is worth half, just like a relationship where one spouse stays home with children while the other works.

I am so sorry.  My SO and I have discussed this many times and we aren’t even engaged, because we both have family assets that we are concerned about protecting should something happen.  I don’t know what I would do if we were about to get married and a bomb was dropped on me like you.  Good Luck, stay stong, and be logical about getting it all sorted out.

 

Post # 27
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First, I agree with pretty much everything said here. Make sure your lawyer protects your interests in the business. Let him keep his parents’ $$ but include coverage for any children. 

Second, take into consideration that he *may* have been pressured into this, directly or indirectly, but his parents. Give him the benefit of the doubt – after all this is the man that yesterday you trusted whole heartedly. Perhaps he is just overwhelmed with everything and thought that this was making it simpler for you (to have one drawn up already). I don’t agree with what he did, but don’t let it ruin your excitement. 

Have faith and good luck.. 🙂

Post # 28
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You are talking about two very separate issues.

1). His parents assets.  What state do you live in?  What states do his parents reside in?  In many states, any assets that transfer to children upon death through a will are protected in divorces because inheritances do not fall under marital assets.  This even includes money deposited into a joint account. 

2). Your business with your Fiance.  If you two started this together, the fact that he wants you to sign a contract prohibiting you from any assets if you were to divorce is very strange.  You say that you two started it together.  Are both of your names on the license as owners?

Then there is #3).

3). His own assets.  Does the pre-nup also prohibit you from receiving any of his assets if you were to divorce?  What about if you have children.  Does it provide for anything for them?

While the way he presented you with this is very insensitive and abrupt, if this has to do with the first item, that is understandable.  But, if the pre-nup has to do with either of the other two items – your business and his assets that he accrues after marriage, I would be very worried.

Post # 29
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, I can understand protecting family assets but that sounds really messed up that it’s drafted to say you get nothing of the business you started together. If I were you, I would get my tail to a lawyer as quickly as possible today to redraft that thing! If you love your Fiance, sign it to give him peace of mind but on your terms.

Post # 30
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am so sorry to hear you’re going through this – sounds to me like his parents probably pressured him into doing this and he probably didn’t think about how it would impact you.

I believe it’s possible to sign a post-nup – meaning it’s the same kind of document protecting your assets and dividing up joint property in the event of death or divorce, but it gets signed after the wedding. Obviously the only assets you will have acquired by that point are wedding gifts, so check with a lawyer (or the ladies on here..) and talk to him about doing that instead to ensure you have plenty of time to review it with a lawyer and make changes as needed (a process that can take months). NO REASON to be rushed and pushed into this now, as long as you agree to work out the details after the wedding. And I’d urge him to make sure his parents stay out of it going forward – this is about you and him; they need to butt out (and he needs to learn to say no to them, if that’s the case).

Good luck 🙁

Post # 31
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Here’s what I don’t get about this whole thing.  He didn’t just call a lawyer yesterday morning and then get the finished ten-page document yesterday afternoon to give to you last night.  He had to have called to make an appointment with an attorney, met with the attorney, then given the attorney some time to work on the document, then most likely met with the attorney again to review and pick up the document.  EVEN if this was a last-minute thing he was pressured into by his parents…he has had this in the works for a while.  Why didn’t he bring it up to you as soon as he decided to do it?  I’d be furious that he had been working on this for a while and never mentioned it. 

I also agree wtih the other posters that you definitely need a lawyer.  I also agree with the other posters that a business that both of you have contributed to both financially as well as given up your job for should be considered to belong partially to you…NOT just his.

 

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