Post # 62
My fiance and I are working on a prenup, and we have the same lawyer. Unfortunately, we’ve been told that one of us has to get another lawyer because in some states, if only one lawyer is used to draw up the prenup and it is determined that one party was not represented while it was written, it can be deemed invalid. I don’t know legalese, but that was how I understood it.
That’s exactly right. It order to be considered fully advised under the law, thus making the pre-nup actually stand up in court, you need to have separate attorneys (at least in California.) Whenever you’re in an adversary position (like it or not, a pre-nup does put both parties in an adversarial position with one another for that purpose) you need to have separate counsel, because one attorney cannot ethically represent you both absent a waiver. In situations such as a pre-nup,even a waiver won’t suffice. Any attorney who doesn’t tell you that really shouldn’t be trusted.
Post # 63
I know I would have a hard time marrying a guy that did this. Major power play. If he treats you like this by “dropping” this on you now-how do you think marriage will be. 🙁 I am sorry. I hope that things work out the best for you!
Post # 64
I really hope that you don’t sign this until you have found a lawyer to look it over with you. It seems as though he has set up everything in favour of only himself and that is what I find shady. The fact that he did this alone and has only taken himself into consideration is what I find upsetting.
Post # 65
this is a sticky situation. i was always raised with the idea of pre-nups too, and i actually brought it up with my Fiance a few months back. his family doesnt have much, whereas mine does. but then, i dont have much now, and he does. his reaction really woke me up, he said he would sign if i wanted, and he would respect whatever i wished. i have a girlfriend from a very very very wealthy family in colombia that married an italian guy that i dont think comes from a wealthy family. he’s not poor but nothing like her (in fact very few people are!). i was distraught and asked what she thought. she said that she didnt have one. that she and her husband are in the same boat, if they are poor, they are poor together, if they are rich, they are rich together. she said that although her parents have money, she doesnt now, so he pays for everything and takes care of her. i realised then that the whole ‘prenup’ thing was really a reflection of my own parent’s instable marriage. and mostly, that i wanted the real ‘family’ experience. rich together, poor together.
in the end, i decided on not having the prenup. i have a business now but it is still in it’s infancy. the truth is, even if my Fiance and i did divorce, God forbid, he would be entitled to half as he was there to support me when i was growing my business. i think despite that your Fiance might have been tactical by springing this on you, i really think he is also being a little selfish by not thinking you are entitled to the business at all and not leaving you with anything if you do divorce. if you come from a traditional family, there is nothing wrong with thinking that the man should protect his family and support his wife and children. you can be an independent woman, but i think in the end, you should have a man who wants to be a man and acts like one.
i know it’s crazy hard as you are getting married, or already are married… but go into this with your head screwed on tight. truth is, if you do divorce, it’s ok. it’s not a failure. if you dont, that’s great! in the end, if it doesnt work out do not be hard on yourself… you didnt know he had this in him before you got married and if the marriage didnt work out, i would really put it on partially this aspect of him (sorry for the bluntness).
my best wishes… and fyi, he might just be like me… a child of a bad marriage. maybe if you do marry him and talk things out after marriage, he might realise the only way to happiness… is to let things fall naturally.
Post # 66
Man. I just read through this thread for the first time. What an ordeal, I am so sorry. I would love to see an update too.
Post # 67
Wow. I would tell him I wouldn’t sign and see his reaction. Honestly you are not marrying his parents. You are not sharing half his parents assesst..you are going to share yours. For someone you have know for 7 years doesn’t say alot about repect and love for you.
Sounds more like pressure from parents but the fact that he opted to still present it to you and even this late in the game is downright disgraceful.
That is a long lifetime to be spent with someone who is not on your team.
Post # 68
I’m bumping this in case she doesn’t check the Bee much.
Post # 69
Bump, Any update from the OP?
Post # 70
Yet another bump…wonder how it all went for her/you?
Post # 71
Bumping again – hoping it all worked out!
Post # 72
Bump! How did things work out?
Post # 73
Based on this post she ended up marrying her FH … wonder if she just signed the pre-nup as he gave it to her to make it happen!
Post # 74
Damn, you beat me to the punch! Just getting ready to say the same thing. Pictures were beautiful, so hopefully everything worked out!
Post # 75
The suspense is killing me…I still wonder if she signed it?
Post # 76
Wow, just saw this for the first time and I’ve gotta say… if that was my husband, I’d have ripped up that contract and then ripped him a new one.
It’s been a while since law school and I don’t practice family law, and I don’t know what jurisdiction OP and her husband live in, but this has shady written all over it. I seem to recall learning that the validity of a prenup can be challenged if one party has signed it without the benefit of independent legal advice. In such a situation there could be a strong argument that OP did not fully appreciate the terms or consequences of the document she signed, and that she did so under duress.
Also, even if she didn’t put a single penny into the business itself, she may still be entitled to a share of it under the law of equity, if she contributed indirectly. Courts have ruled time and time again that the wife’s contribution need not be monetary to have value and deserve compensation. It can be in the form of her time and support, her unpaid work, or forgoing her own education and career so that he can have his. Afterall, how many ultra-successful men could have done it all without their wives? When they’re working 12 hour days, who’s doing all the cooking and cleaning, and taking care of the kids, basically doing all the unglamorous, thankless work so that the men don’t have to worry about it?
It sounds like OP did put a lot into her husband’s business, not just behind the scenes, but actually working to help him get it off the ground. In that case, her entitlement should be even more. I really hope she got good legal advice and that she didn’t just sign it to appease her husband’s family.