(Closed) Prenup? I'm feeling the blues.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mlk1980:  I am sad to read your update. But i think postponing the wedding indefinitely until you guys sort this out (whatever the outcome) will best for all parties.

Make sure they (your fI and his family) know you are serious about protecting yourself. It sounds like they think they can walk all over you. HELLZ NO, you are a strong, smart, confident woman and what they are trying to do is wrong on so many levels.

I would consider showing your Fiance this thread to see that all of us strangers agree; this prenup goes beyond protecting assets. It, and your Fiance and his family’s behavior, are callous, manipulative, cruel, and downright wrong!!

and I want to repeat that finding a lawyer to confirm that this document is not in your best interest, and perhaps having your lawyer (an authoritative figure) deliver/repeat that fact to your Fiance may shake them up a bit.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. I think perhaps the situation is salvageable, but only if your Fiance gets a “come to jesus” talk and understands how this situation is hurtful to the both of you and your relationship, and apologises for his hand in it (sincerely), and takes steps to make you and your feelings/wishes feel welcome and *respected* in both the prenup, your relationship, and his family.

Post # 153
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mlk1980:   My heart sank when I read your update.   Please, if you choose to cancel the wedding, know that your parents will understand.  They want the BEST for you.

From what I read in the update, your Fiance doesn’t even want fair for you, let alone best.

I am so sorry.  Sending you strength, and wishing you all the best whatever path you choose.  *HUGS*  

Post # 155
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mlk1980:  It really sounds like your FI’s family is influencing him and he’s not looking at it as though you are about to become his family. I don’t think you should sign this prenup and I generally don’t see them as a bad thing. I think this man is selfish and his family is selfish. When you marry you should be first in his life and he doesnt seem to think that way. Postponing your wedding might be a good idea until you can sort this out. 

Post # 156
374 posts
Helper bee

@mlk1980:  I am so SO sorry you are going through this.  No offense, he sounds like a massive douche.  He is being utterly ridiculous!  Of course you should get 50% of the assets in a marriage in the event of divorce!  If you have custody of the kids, you should actually get more!  A majority of men don’t even try to get custody of their children, and children can be a large financial burden.

You and he are building a life together.  If he doesn’t want that, he shouldn’t be thinking of marriage to anyone.  Honestly, I think you were being generous when you agreed to protect all of his assets before marriage.  The fact that he wants 50% of your practice is outrageous, given that he wants to ensure you don’t get ANY of his assets before or after marriage.  

He was sneaky about the prenup, and he should know better.  Quite frankly, you are getting scammed.  In your position, I do not think i would marry this guy.  I’m so, SO sorry.  If you choose not to go through with the wedding, your parents will understand.  Trust me, they don’t want to see you destitute in the event of a divroce.  If you get married to this guy under his conditions, he will ensure that you are destitute or, at minimum, in a precarious financial condition.  That’s not love.

I wish you all the best.  Keep us updated as to what you decide.  Hugs, and support!  

ETA:  I know you mentioned this a bit ago, but my SO was the one who said your guy was being a scumbag.  He thought the terms of the prenup were crazy, particularly as you are about to graduate from medical school and be contributing quite a lot financially.  




Post # 157
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Melodrama aside, I thought you were a supposed doctor? How does it make sense to say that you won’t be making any contribution to the marriage financially? lol

Post # 158
177 posts
Blushing bee

@mlk1980:  Just came in on this, and I read all of your posts (but not all of the other Bees’) and I found myself absolutely a wreck by the end of this thread. I usually do not tell people things as absolutes, but this time is an exception. This is not a man you should be marrying, and I am using the term man very liberally. No grown, responsible, mature, and ready for marriage man would be acting like this. He is acting like a child – running to his family to make the calls for him, sending you texts from his friends (what business is this of their’s anyway?), and basically trying to strong-arm you in to signing something you’re not comfortable signing? What happens when you’re married and he wants to do something you’re not comfortable doing? Threaten you with divorce and refer to this outlandish prenup?

I am a strong believer that everything acquired during marriage is “ours”, as there are many factors that go in to this time – someone could lose a job, and have a hard time finding one in the city they live, and be out income for some time… however, had this person not been tied to the city, they might have quickly found another job in another city, or find a higher paying job elsewhere. A good man should be looking out for his wife, first and foremost (before children, of course), and his family second. Once you are married your closest family member is your spouse. While I understand why you would not want to give 1/2 your things to an ex, just the fact that you are willing to split things 50/50 after marriage should speak volumes to him about your character. What happens if your SO gets cancer from the radiation, is unable to work, relies 100% on you to support the household and to pay for his costly medical bills. Then, what if he loses his fight with cancer, and you’re stuck with all his medical bills, and his family gets everything of his? Or what if you get divorced during this time… he has no income, and anything that he was saving should go towards medical bills, he would be, pardon my language, boned.

For a doctor this boy doesn’t seem all too bright. I would fold that prenup up, place my ring inside it, and have it courier delivered to him, then I would pay a bit extra to have the courier ask that your SO surrender his “man card”.

Post # 159
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Really?  Why does this guy even want to get married?  You are supposed to be building a life together.  You are not some accessory or puzzle piece to his “perfect life”.  You are a real person.

I’m not against prenups to protect assets from before the wedding, but this is just cray cray.  It should stop the day you tie the knot.


You seem like a reasonable woman.  You’re an educated professional.  Don’t put up with this.   


FWIW  His family is waaayyy to involved and it is just going to get worse after the wedding. 

Post # 160
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

1) seems like after your talk he talked again with his family and they convinced him to not make any changes 

2) his family obviously doesn’t like you, are you sure you want to be a part of that?

3) how will you not be bringing in money if you’re a doctor?

4) thus is way too much discussion and not enough talk about love for my personal comfort level. you have to decide how comfortable you feel about that. and if that’s what you really want for yourself. 

i do know you’re hurt but this man isn’t showing a lot of consideration for that…he just wants you to get on with it… Not good.

Post # 161
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mlk1980:  It seems he cares more about himself and what his family thinks.

Post # 162
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mlk1980:  i am for pre-nups but this sounds very one-sided.  this is not right.  have you had a chance to speak to a lawyer yourself?  please don’t sign anything until you do.  even if the wedding needs to be postponed or even cancelled, at least you will still have your integrity in tact.

Post # 163
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mlk1980:  What. A. DOUCHE.

If he doesn’t think the future mother of his children is deserving of 50% of what you two earn TOGETHER as a TEAM, thank GOD you will never be the mother of his children!

Time to dump the asshole and find someone who sees your value!

Post # 164
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mlk1980:  Okay, I’m so sorry, I never swear on this site, BUT WHAT THE ______ . no, I would NOT accept this. Dump his sorry ass babe, you deserve far better than this. I firmly, FIRMLY FIRMLY FIRMLY believe that a husband and wife treat everythings as THEIRS in a marriage, and that a husband should NEVER feel like he has to protect HIS s___ from the wife. When I was proposed to my husband barely was making a cent. Did I feel the need to protect my retirement savings, my salary, and my apartment from him? Heck no1


That’s effing ridiculous. I’m so mad. He cares more about his family than he does you. Walk away. Or postpone. He doesn’t understand that you are more important and oh MAN I want to go over there and hurt him. Please, you’re smart. you wouldn’t get so far and start your own practice if you weren’t. Protect yourself from this foul creature and his foul family and run far, far away. You deserve a man who would give up his LIFE for you. Not this. I know it hurts so bad right now but you would not want  to be in this situation FOR LIFE and have signed it over legally. 

Post # 165
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m so sorry to have read your update. 🙁 His family sounds overbearing, rude, nuts, selfish, pushy, too involved in your lives, etc, etc!! And unfortunately he doesn’t lie far from that tree.

His true colors are beginning to show. I would NOT want to be married to a man like this. If I were you, I wouldn’t let this wedding happen. You are only going to be disappointed afterwards. He’s extremely rude to you and seems to have no concern for your feelings. WTF happens when you guys have kids?? And if he passes away first or you guys get a divorce with children involved??? How would he not want his wife and children to be taken care of in the tragic case of him passing away while still married?? This is just unreal to me. He sounds like a cheap, stingy you know what. We’re not talking about protecting his assets from strangers, we’re talking about the woman he’s been with for ten years that he loves and asked to marry… You’re supposed to be a union, a team. He can keep what he has now all to himself, but if he doesn’t agree to a prenup saying you get half of whatever accumulates DURING the marriage, don’t marry him. ESPECIALLY the part about even if he passes away happily married to you.

…Just ridiculous!!


Post # 166
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@mlk1980:  wow, I am really sorry to read the latest update. I did figure that he hadnt read through the prenup carefully and didn’t understand the legalese before giving it to you. I’m in the middle of drafting a prenup with my Fiance and our wedding date is two weeks after yours. My lawyer told me that as long as we sign it 3-4 weeks before the wedding, we’d be golden. So I call bullshit on him saying this two day review is going to require you to postpone your wedding. 

i thought he had good intentions but now it just seems like he doesn’t want a true partnership and/or doesn’t trust you fully. The problem is that no matter what you say or do now, he and his family are going to interpret it as a gold digger move. 

our prenup is going to be much more lenient. Separate pre-marital assets remain separate, all assets acquired during the marriage are split 50/50, and we both waived our rights to any and all spousal support. We also waived our rights to the estate in the event that divorce proceedings have commenced prior to the time at death but agreed to give the other everything if one of us dies and there is no divorce. Pre-nups are tough no matter which way you slice it. 🙁

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