(Closed) Prenup? I'm feeling the blues.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 182
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@mlk1980:  The bullying that your Fiance is doing in consort with his friends is unacceptable. They are pressuring and belittling you at a time where you’re most vulnerable. If your partner finds that acceptable now, he won’t change once you’re married, it is likely to get worse. That sounds very abusive. Think about the type of life and person you want to be in 2-5 years…and beyond. Is this what you really want? It seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and know intuitively that this is not right. I would keep going with your gut.

Edit: Saw your latest post. I’m sorry for you because you are hurt, but I’m glad you’re making the right choice for yourself.

Post # 183
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh, hon, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I cannot imagine how hurtful this is for you.  After reading the updates–please don’t sign the pre-nup.  I’m a big believer in them, but I can’t think of a single valid reason why everything would go to his family if he were to die.  What if you guys have children?  Even leaving you aside for a moment, why on earth shouldn’t they be protected?

His sister isn’t being a very good lawyer at the moment. She’s looking out for her own best interest & not that of her client. If they weren’t related, would he listen to someone saying, “hey! Leave eveything to me!”  That’s not very ethical.

 

Please get your own lawyer, OP. You deserve so much better than they’re treating you right now.  

Post # 184
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I’m so sorry. Money does funny things to people.  At some point it’s not about the money but about how the person you love makes you feel.  

Post # 185
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am so sorry hun. You don’t deserve this!

Post # 186
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m sorry OP.  He’s acting very horribly.

It sort of sounds like he knows he is giving you a raw deal and is trying to get everyone around him to tell him it’s okay (his family and now his friends).

Also, I don’t know if any PPs wrote this, but why is a divorce lawyer preparing this?  Isn’t a prenup something that would be much more in the realm of an estate planning attorney?  This hardly sounds like something that is in her every day work.  Legally I can work on designing and overseeing hospitality projects for construction, but I sure as hell wouldn’t because that’s not my markey segment that I’m familiar with.  But just because she sees unfair divorces (because seriously how many divorce proceedings are a walk in the park?) doesn’t mean that she should be unfair to you.

I completely understand prenups as a helpful necessary document in many cases when there is are disproportionate assets or debts.  But when the mentality like this is that there will always be a divide and one person will receive nothing… that makes it a pretty useless document.

Post # 187
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

What a sad update. It seems like he can only see your relationship throught the lens of money. I understand him wanting to protect his assets, but he isn’t being fair to you at all.

Post # 188
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

I have nothing again prenups, in fact I think they’re entirely a good idea between reasonable people. The problem here is that your husband is not being reasonable. I would not sign this prenup (no way in hell!) and I would be questioning how he feels about me, that he wouldn’t want me provided for after his death! 

I can accept the whle waiving the right to alimony thing (if you don’t have kids/if child support isn’t related to alimony), and the protecting pre-marriage assets. But everything else is ridiculous and not the actions of a man who loves someone and wants to make a life together.

Post # 190
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would not walk away without at least trying pre-maritial counseling.  Money is one of the biggest causes of divorce, he needs help in understanding and communicating to his family that he is getting married.

Post # 191
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t read any of the other responses you got, but let me say…this is REALLy sad…I don’t get why in the event of his death you get NOTHING and you’re going to be his wife? I would for sure talk with him about this….something just doesn’t sound right to me…I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this either.

It’s one thing if you both agreed to this prior..but it sounds like you were totally blindsided….how terrible.  It almost sounds as if he doesn’t trust you at all….if he doesn’t trust you..then yes, why get married??

I hope you can both sit down and talk about it…good luck!

 

 

Post # 192
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@mlk1980:  don’t just walk away. Pre-marital counseling.

Post # 193
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I just read your last response…sorry I didn’t read it before I wrote the earlier one.

This is the thing…you need to go with your gut feeling here….if you’re not feeling right about it, then I would say don’t do it. 

Was he letting his family influence him?  Was that how he really felt or was he doing it for his family??

sorry you have to deal with this…I hope everything works out!

 

Post # 194
Hostess
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mlk1980:  Sorry to hear all that’s going on. To me it sounds like the hurtful words he said we his family talking through him. 

May I ask does his family live near you guys if you got married? They look like they will be a problem in the future. 

I would probably post-pone the wedding…I wouldn’t say walk away. If you think about it, financial issues could pop up in the marraige,  and walking away isn’t the way to solve, but I would say take longer to assess your relationship and his relationship with his family, by postponing.

It seems like he’s sort of a family pleaser (mama’s boy if you will). He needs to cut the umbilical cord before you 2 marry.

I don’t think he aggred to all your terms, his sister is still his lawyer. What if she puts a clause in there that could be a loop-hole that could be easily missed while read. 

Most bees are against ultimatums, but your Fiance needs one, your ultimatum is to come at this one even playing grounds, 0% family included…even on a professional basis. Leave him no choice but to walk or to agree to your very reasonable terms.

Also, upon his death, you should get everything, maybe he could leave a small donation to his parents…but that should be it, kids or no kids. And it should be vice-versa for you. 

He needs to know that once you are married, you guys are your own family, and your immidiate family (the 2 of you and possible kids) come first at ALL TIMES. 

If you think about it, your wedding vows may include the words “till death do us part” or similar, therefore upon a death you actually kept and completed your vow,  you are entiled to the benefits of that vow. 

Post # 195
Member
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mlk1980:  well, i just read your last 2 updates.  i respect that you are willing to walk away.  the fact that he is now backpedalling tells me that you mean more to him than his family does.  that is a positive sign.

i do agree that the businesses should be kept separate but the condition where you get nothing if he dies is just wrong.  hopefully, the two of you can sit down and come to terms what is best for both of you.  if you are planning on having a family at any time, those terms should be discussed as well.

good luck.  i am sure this is not easy.

Post # 196
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@mlk1980:  Good for you for standing your ground. It sounded unreasonable and unfair to me. Whatever you do now at least you know you didn’t get steamrolled into signing something you didn’t agree with. Good luck!

 

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