(Closed) Prenup? I'm feeling the blues.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t generally have an issue with pre-nups, but this doesn’t seem fair to you. Did you have your lawyer look it over?

Post # 18
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@yandz:  Is that even legal to combine the two?  I mean I know living trusts can be used in place of wills, but I’ve never heard of prenups being used in place of wills.

Post # 19
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@aggie2010:  Ohhhh that makes more sense!


I don’t see a problem with the prenup then…. Except that you talked about it and then he didn’t do what you had talked about, which could be hurtful.


Although me and my husband don’t have a prenup we keep everything separate anyway. We don’t have any joint accounts or anything. We do live under the pretense that’s what’s mine is his and vice versa, but if we were ever to divorce I can’t see me ever trying to get a 50/50 split (wouldn’t be fair as he makes more than me), unless it was a very bitter divorce! It would also be easy to divide up our stuff because we know who paid for what.


I don’t really see what the big deal is….


Post # 20
1262 posts
Bumble bee

That seems like a shitty deal and I, too, would be wondering what would be the point of being married? Marriage is becoming a unit…what kind of unit keeps everything separate. His family would get everything in the case of his death? *blank stare* Pardon me for thinking like a worst case scenario psycho but what if you both were in a horrible accident-he dies and you’re no longer able to practice…would he want you to be at the mercy of his family (namely bitch sister for drafting something so cold) to provide for you from your own husband’s inheritance? F*ck that.

I’m all about protecting oneself and I would have signed a prenup if my Fiance had asked, but I could never sign something that seems so hurtful and obviously ill-intentioned. I would share my feelings with him and if we couldn’t get on the same page about financials or sharing our lives in general…I’d be devastated.

On the other hand, maybe he’s just scared and thinks that by backing you into such an iron-clad agreement, you’ll never leave him. Cool…but what if he leaves you? Again…f*ck that.

I hope you find the courage to talk to him and best of luck when you do it. Let him handle his sister…but I would suggest an impartial attorney who can speak to best practices without bias.

Post # 21
3372 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think prenups are fine in circumstances where one person has a large amount of wealth, though personally I would have been crushed if my DH had asked me to sign one. Honestly I wouldn’t have signed it.

Anyway, why would everything be left to his family? Is this only if you are first divorced and then he dies? If so, then that makes sense. But if you are still married and together when he dies then I’m confused as to why he wouldn’t leave everything to you?? I’d have an issue with that.

Post # 22
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kimberley25:  I think if you do not have a will, the prenup, as a legal doc would trump any state defaults/laws. But you bring up a good point – would it trump those laws if it hadn’t gone into action with a divorce? I don’t know. If you do separate them it just clears everything up.  Divorce is also a legal process separating you/your assets (the prenup would help guide this) at which point the married will would be null and you would need a new one as a single.


Post # 23
133 posts
Blushing bee

I guess it makes sense to protect your family assets and inheritence… but honestly I dont think I could go through with a marriage with someone who wants to carefully plan their exit in advance. 

Especially because it sounds like you two are on pretty equal terms financially: both own homes, both docs, both have inheritence. 

If you do agree to a prenup I think it should be drafted together with a neutral 3rd party… not his sister. 

Sorry OP!

Post # 25
2152 posts
Buzzing bee

@mlk1980:  Pre-nups are meant to be a negotiation.  Not a one person drafts it and the other signs it. 

You should have your own lawyer, and have them review it, and ammend it to suit you.  Then his lawyer can go through your rebuttal and eventually, an agreement will be made.

Post # 27
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mlk1980:  I am not against prenups.  However, I would also be hurt in your situation.  I’m supportive of prenups that protect one’s assets prior to marriage, but I believe anything accumulated during marriage should be split 50/50 in the event of a divorce.  This is my personal opinion though.

I feel his sister should not have been the one to draft this prenup.  That alone makes the prenup biased.  It should have been the result of third party lawyers and each of you should have your own to review it before signing.




Post # 28
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Are you sure your Fiance understands the wording of the prenup fully? I don’t know what your relationship with his sister is, but if she doesn’t like you it might explain why the prenup says something different than what you and your Fiance originally agreed upon. 

The best thing you can do in this situation is to just talk it over with your Fiance openly and honestly.

Post # 30
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mlk1980:  This seems very unfair to you. It is one thing protecting assets you bring to the marriage but once you say I do you are an equal partnership, even if one person earns more thna the other, you do it for both of you.

What would happen in the hypothetical situation that you decide to have children and you make the decision that one of you will give up work to care for the child/children but then the marriage fails. Does that mean that the person ‘working’ walks away with everything that money bought and the stay-at-home parent gets nothing?

Or he dies leaving you and children dependent on the good will of his family (maybe I have read too many trashy novels)

I would want this redrafted with an impartial lawyer or I wouldn’t go through with the marriage.

Post # 31
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

If you never plan on divorcing, then it’s a moot point anyway. Both of you take out large life insurance policies making each other the beneficiaries and then you both can leave whatever you want to whomever you want. Would I sign it? No, but my husband and I didn’t go into our marriage with a yours and mine mindset. Some of the same people who are saying what a jerk and don’t sign it are also huge proponents of separate finances and checking accounts in marriage so where is the line?

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