Prenups more common than not?

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
5624 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

We didn’t quite do a prenup but it is a similar agreement in my country.

We bought our property before we were married and put in different amounts towards the deposit so we had a legal agreement drawn up to set in stone what would happen if we split up to ensure both our cash was protected.  

Most lawyers will be able to draw up a prenup but whether you need someone specialized or how long the process is will depend on the sort of agreement you want to make and what you want to include.  You each need your own representation.  I don’t think prenups are more common than not, but they are more common than people think. 

Post # 3
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

We didn’t have one or discuss it, but then I’m in the U.K, and they’re not legally enforceable here anyway. My husband owned our house outright before I moved in, and earns considerably more than me, so I would have understood if he wanted to make some kind of arrangement, but he point blank refused and said we were 50/50 now. 

Whether that’s sensible or not is probably up for debate, but I can’t think of many scenarios where I’d be so mad at him as to try to screw him out of his property…

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

My FH was dead set on a prenup before we got engaged because he said he wanted to protect his pension.  I told him I was extremely uncomfortable with that, because if for some reason I quit my career to stay home with the kids (which we’d talked about as an option), it would leave me with zero retirement and savings of my own.  After he saw my reasoning for why I was uncomfortable, in addition to the fact that I said I believed it cultivated a distrust from the start, he had a complete change of heart.  Now he doesn’t even like talking about it and wants everything to be shared.  I think he just had always heard “get a prenup!” from a lot of cynical people (the same people who said “don’t ever get married!”) so he believed it was important.

Post # 5
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We didn’t have a prenup (again, legally unenforceable in the UK), but I doubt we’d have one if we could. My husband kind of moved in to my house early in the relationship, and only did it formally after we were engaged. I currently rent from my parents (so super cheap rent), so it felt unfair to ask him to pay that, and with bills etc not really going up I refused rent from him. When we got married, he had more savings as I’d been paying the household costs, but we’ve just merged finances. I currently earn more, and we’re talking about each dropping our workload when we have kids for a more 50/50 parenting experience. 

I just think if we were to split up, fairness would be decided by us/lawyers based on many years of past we haven’t experienced yet. What if I give up work for kids, or he gives up work for kids, or anything?

Post # 6
Member
3939 posts
Honey bee

I’m sure most lawyers can draw them up, but I would recommend an estate lawyer as it’s one of their specialties.

I have requested a prenup.  This is the second marriage for both of us and I would prefer to have everything discussed before marriage.  I truly don’t wish for or expect to be divorced again, but I didn’t the first time and it was one more emotionally difficult thing to deal with when separating.

 

Post # 7
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

No prenup for us. Boyfriend proposed getting one because he didn’t know anything about them. I explained in our state what the statutory law is if you don’t have a prenup. He was okay with that when he realized premarital assets are personal property. All we are going to do is just document our premarital assets and liabilities prior to marriage and track any communal use of those assets. We make similar amounts so we are fine with income during the marriage being communal.

I suggest you seek legal counsel in your country or state ( family law attorney in the US) to find out what will happen if you divorce without a prenup. If you’re okay with that, no Prenup. If not, prenup.

Post # 8
Member
9133 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
cloud9bride :  we don’t have one, but definitely get a lawyer that specializes in them. NOT all lawyers can do all things – and anyone that says they can is probably not very good at any of them. 

Post # 9
Member
3508 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Again UK bee so they are not legally enforceable here but courts will take them into account.

I suggested it to my husband as he inherited a lot of property before we met, but he couldn’t be bothered to sort it out so we didn’t get one.

I am a big believer in having conversations about splitting assets while you both still like each other. When you’re in the throws of the emotions of divorce it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. talking upfront means you’re more likely to be fair to each other.

I also see a prenup like a seat belt. You don’t get into your car thinking you’re going to crash, but you put your seatbelt on just in case. This is the same. you don’t think you will divorce, but you have no idea what the future holds.

Post # 10
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband’s father wanted us to sign one because of his inheritance which I completely understood and told my SO that I needed the paperwork at least 60 days prior to the wedding so I could have a lawyer review. In the US if a prenup is not presented and reviewed within a specific timeline and the parties divorce later down the road the prenup can be voided based on coercion tactics by the other party. He never presented me with the paperwork so I guess he didn’t agree with his father.

An eatate lawyer would be good to have look over the contract, you can also consider a sunset clause; this is after a number of years the prenup is over 

Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Prenups are more common today (at least in the US) because more women marry with wealth/assets of their own. However, ultimately, I’d encourage you to sign one only if you’re comfortable with it. In the US, depending on whatever state you live in, there are certain specifications you’ll have to follow in order to make sure the prenup is legally enforceable (if it comes to that), so you have to check on that. Both parties will need legal counsel and a lawyer who specializes in family law would be the most recommended kind. Drafting a prenup is an expensive process though, so that’s an important thing to consider. If you’re not in the US, then maybe you can’t even get one since prenups may not be legal in your country. I have a friend who’s a lawyer in the UK and I remember him saying prenups were illegal there, as well as in most countries (aside from the US, of course). So, do your research BUT (most importantly) talk to you partnet about why you guys may want one. Best of luck!

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