(Closed) prenups, what are your thoughts?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think a prenup protects your part of the assets in case your spouse gets sued, doesn’t it? That’s one reason to have it..

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I say yay.  It makes sense to protect yourself, just in case.  It’s hard to think of your relationship ever coming to an end, but it happens.  And in that event, especially if there are children involved, i’d rather have a piece of paper that outlines the rules for the divorce than an emotionally-charged free for all.

What I don’t like is when having/writing/discussing a prenup becomes a psychological battle between a soon-to-be-wed couple and one holds it over the other’s head.  That’s no way to begin a marriage.  But an open, honest conversation should be had about them, and if you agree that it’s right for you, do it.

FWIW, I’ve asked my Fiance at least twice if he wants one, and he has said absolutely not both times.  I’ll bring it up once more, explain it again, and then let it go.  But if he were to agree to one, I’d totally sign.  (FI has historically made at least as much as I have, and until this year his savings were more than double mine.  So it’s not "my" money I’m worried about protecting, but "his".)

Post # 5
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I am totally for pre-nups! I’m more for it in the pre-relationship aspect. For example, I am the "breadwinner" in my relationship. I worked my butt off to have what I have now. At one point I was working 3 jobs. Before Fiance and I got engaged I not only paid off a new car but I bought a condo. Plus I have finances secure for retirement. I am by no means rich. I pay the bills and save for retirement and have a lil’ extra for fun. I am middle class, living comfortably. Mainly I would want a pre-nup to reassure that if something were to happen I would still have my retirement money…and my house. And he would have his retirement money all to himself. Neither of us would walk away with more than what we came into the relationship with. 

Post # 6
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

As my lawyer puts it, a prenup gives you the opportunity to plan how you would split up your assets during a divorce while you still love each other.  I have retirement savings, a condo, and some other assets that I worked hard for, he has a business that he’s built from the ground up. I want both of us to keep the fruits of our labor.

It was a little stressful, there’s still an adversarial tinge to it no matter how ok you both are with it.  But I think a lot of people forget that marriage isn’t just about love, it’s a legal contract between people: the combination and protection of assets.  When entering into a contract, you have to evaluate the implications for yourself and protect yourself in the case of unfortunate circumstances.  

Another thing to remember is that a prenup doesn’t just protect the assets you have now.  If you stand to inherit from your parents (or anyone else), that is an important asset to protect.

Post # 7
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

nay…we are catholic and we just took our oath with the priest a few weeks ago for our marriage application paperwork…we had to promise not to make a pre-nup.  the reason, i think, for no pre-nup is that it is kind of like you don’t have full faith in your marriage…i think that’s what the priest said.  pre-nup or not is up to you…for us, we are pretty young and we just don’t have any money or assets!

Post # 8
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pre-nups..  My fiance and I are not having one though,

 

  We both just graduated and are joining the air force as officers.  I have a lot of student debt, but I was the bread winner/ student while we were both attending college (he was a sports scholarship and could not work).  We’ve decided that if we did split, everything should be split evenly.  

 

   If you have something before the marriage, I can see why you would want a pre-nup.  You never know.  In our case, it would just be another expense.  We’re literally starting fresh and building up our finances.  

Post # 10
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We had no reason to have one, but I wouldn’t have minded if my husband had wanted me to sign one. He would have been fair, I know that about him. I didn’t work while we were dating for the most part, just working as a nanny, so all I brought into our marriage was my good looks and charm. I am 6 years younger than my husband, who was a year away from making partner at his law firm. Had he already been a partner, maybe it would have been different, but oh well. Now, I get it all! 😉 So he better be nice to me! Our best friends have a pre-nup and she’s a minister! LOL He came into the marriage with a LOT of family money and it was more about that than anything. They didn’t want his parents or family businesses or money to become part of a divorce if it ever happen. They’ve been married for 15 years now and have two children, so it’s void now anyway for the most part.  It’s not dooming your marriage to fail, it’s just being smart. Now, if I was marrying somebody and they were being a total a$$ about it, I would think twice.

Post # 11
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I definitely have a LOT more assets than my fiance, but I would never dream of a pre-nup! We are committing for life, no questions. I know people get divorced all the time, but we are not those people. I can’t even think of a "just in case" circumstance that would cause us to split. If you can, then maybe you should reconsider your "commitment."

I have friends who call me naive for thinking this way; I think it’s naive to make a lifetime commitment that you don’t have 100% confidence in.

Post # 12
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is the way I look at it…a prenup is just a piece of paper that will collect dust because if you are so confident in your marriage, there will never be a use for it.  Divorces do happen and people usually don’t plan for them.  You never know what will happen down the road.  You may know for sure you will never leave your husband, but you honestly never know what others will do.  It’s just a way to protect you in the future like how you get insurance in case your home ever burns down, for example.  No one plans for that, but life happens, so it’s better to be prepared for anything.  We are getting one and I couldn’t care less, I’m confident in my marriage and know we’ll never need it, but it’s there to protect both of us in the end.

Post # 13
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My husband and I did a co-habitation agreement when we bought our house (before we were engaged) which is basically a pre-nup for common-law people because we had significant assets that we wanted protected should something happen between us, and the house was purchased in his name even though I was paying the downpayment and half the payments (long story).

We are married now, and the co-habitation agreement is still in effect, but we probably wouldn’t have done it for our marriage because divorce is not an option for us (we both believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment, and if it’s not working, you get help, and make it work)

Post # 14
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think pre-nups are a good choice for some people.  It depends on your situation.  We aren’t doing one because we are both starting out in about the same place with similar salaries.  If we got divorced after having children, then I think our biggest issue for the divorce would be custody and child support, which is something that you can’t plan for before you even have kids really. 

Post # 15
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

TOTALLY FOR IT!

I’ve also learned I will never buy any kind of significant purchase with anyone. ie:  A house.  We have had legal documents drawn up as we are both paying on our home and have put an investment into it. Our pre-nup states should we ever split, each of us is entitled to 1/2 of the house. No questions asked.

Once you’ve signed your name on the dotted line, you are financially responsible for the debt of a home even if a divorce occurs and your divorce decree states you aren’t and the other party is. And a quit claim deed only relieves you of the possession of the home. It does NOT relieve you from the debt so you can go on with your life and purchase another home. No, what it does is show that you still are financially responsible for a home that you have no legal right to should you want to sell, reside, etc. The bank can still come and seize your personal property/possesions should you or your spouse/significant other default on the home loan. 

I’m witnessing this nightmare first hand, and it’s a shame that 30 years into a marriage, the wife (or husband) can be left totally destroyed because they weren’t legally informed and  believed in "forever".   "Forever" lasted 20 years. Then "Forever" was over and it’s on to trying to rebuild a life after 20 years of marriage and 2 grown kids.

I personally believe people need to realize that even though you love your future spouse to death, things WILL and CAN happen.  Maybe not tomorrow, next week or even next year. But it’s not uncommon for people to get divorced 20 or 30 years later.  IT HAPPENS.

The best advice is to think of it as insurance for the future. As it was stated above, it can gather dust and never be used. But just in case.. it’s there to protect you. Even for people who believe divorce is not an option. You never know what can happen years down the line.

 

Post # 16
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it totally depends on the couple and their circumstances. My fiance and I will not be getting a prenup because neither one of us has any assets, since he’s a poor med. school student and I just graduated college. But I do understand where some couples, like celebrities, would need a prenup. I think if either one of you has any sort of assests before you get married, then you need a prenup just in case something were to happen. I know it’s not romantic but it’s better safe than sorry.

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