Post # 1
I am writing this post against my better judgment but I’m genuinely curious to see if other women on these boards have picked up on this.
Throughout my time here I couldn’t help noticing that there’s a large segment of Bees who are, for lack of a better phrase, hungry for drama. As if they can’t wait to gobble up the failures of others. Like, maybe they’re bored and looking for some Internet excitement or maybe they’re concerned citizens who really want to help or maybe this is all in my head but . . .
When it comes to things that are brought up that are more controversial, I feel like some Bees are just way too eager to call out “RED FLAG!” or “Don’t walk away, RUN!” or “I would NEVER put up with that” or “Sounds like you guys have some REAL problems to work out” . . . even for stuff that might be relatively minor – at least in my opinion. I am pretty laid-back and really don’t get my panties in a twist over much so maybe I’m predisposed to being more like whatever, we love each other, we’ll work it out. For example, I’m not someone who thinks that cheating is absolutely a fatal blow to a relationship or that incompatibility in some areas can’t be mitigated.
I just feel like there are some days where, if the right people were reading the post, I could be like, “We can never agree on what to make for dinner!!!” and the responses would be like, “Red flag.” “Eating is a crucial part of my relationship, if you can’t agree on that maybe you aren’t right for each other.” “If he wants to be healthy and you don’t, sounds like a difference of lifestyle.” “There’s probably a bigger issue at play here.”
I don’t feel like jumping to telling other Bees that their FIs/DHs are assholes or d-bags or dicks or bullies or whatever is necessarily productive, and I feel like there’s a lot of it.
IS IT JUST ME?
Post # 3
it’s not just you 🙂 i feel like more and more people have been mentioning that.
but, i also feel like there are lots of lovely bees out there and that’s why i love this site so much.
that’s just what you get when you write in an open forum. lots of differing opinions.
Post # 4
I’m not going to flame you because I completely agree with you!
Post # 5
Eh, it only starts drama if you let it. It might be an overreaction but everyone’s entitled their opinion! 🙂
Post # 6
@daybyday: So I’ve noticed that you and your husband had a disagreement about the faucet. Kick him to the curb!!! I’m kidding, obvioulsy. 😉 I agree with you, though.
Post # 7
It’s not just you. I feel like all of the “RUN RUN RUN!!” posts sometimes get me to thinking maybe I’m a doormat for working through some of the issues we have. I’m not a doormat, and it’s way easier for a Bee to say “LEAVE NOW!!!” if they a) haven’t been there, or b) have been there and decided that rushing out the door was the right decision for them.
That said, everybody has different dealbreakers. One of mine has to do with lack of gainful employment (which could be Mcdonald’s by the way, I don’t care), or lack of willingness to be realistic about budgets. Mistreatment of children, too. This has to do with my past experience and so may color my response to a post like “My Fiance wants to quit work tomorrow and buy a boat, but I don’t want to. He says he’ll leave me if I don’t,” might be more extreme than someone for whom money issues aren’t a dealbreaker.
Hope that makes sense.
Post # 8
I don’t think it is that some bees are “hungry for drama,” I think they may legit see some issues as red flags. For them. And it’s a message board, so everyone can post whatever they want.
I have no issue talking on the bee about some of the idiotic things my husband does. If they want to think he’s a d-bag, let them. who cares?
Post # 9
I agree that sometimes people are quick to say get out, but they’re just approaching the situation in the way that they see from their perspectives. I think the “what should we eat for dinner” argument is a little hyperbolic, and of course no one should end a relationship over that. But if the poster had also said in past posts that he dominated all the financial decisions, doesn’t let her talk to male friends, and demands anal 3 nights a week, then maybe the bees are seeing something she doesn’t. For me, things like cheating or emotionally cutting a woman down are things I wouldn’t stand for in my relationship, so if it was me I would leave, and I would tell others the same. I think there is a huge gray area, and luckily there are usually enough posts that say to stay and work it out that it isn’t necessarily a “problem” on the bee.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I do feel the same way, and I haven’t been a member that long.. but it seems like there has been an influx of kind of catty/judgemental posts lately? And really one of the reasons I joined this board was because it was unlike other wedding boards that featured that kind of unsupportiveness…
Post # 11
I’ve definitely noticed a lot of this, which I find really interesting. Some things to me would be rather obvious ‘red flags’ (abuse). With a lot of other situations, we’re only hearing one side, often from a frustrated/upset/annoyed poster. People tend to vent and complain about the bad things that happen in a relationship, which may or may not be representative of the overall tone of someone’s relationship with their partner.
Post # 12
@daybyday: well, tbh, I’ve noticed it too. I just chalk it up to some people being more serious & some being more laid-back. I think most bees are trying to help but there are definetely some who are so quick to point out those “red flags”, I think they really enjoy it. Maybe that old saying about putting others down in order to feel more superior..?
But the main reason for my reply is to let you know that your example about the eating drama made me laugh out loud, “eating is a crucial part of every relationship”… lol…Thanks!
Post # 13
@GoldfishPie: whoa, I must have missed that post. That would’ve elicited a “red flag,” response from me too.
Post # 14
I agree completely, OP, and have actually not asked for advice in a few situations where I would have liked it because I didn’t want to deal with the drama.
Post # 16
You know, my husband and I had alot of, “RUN” moments. But we worked out so many kinks, and love eachother so much, that I use the ” RUN” staement very little in life. Unless its a serial problem the couple is facing, I like to give real advice, because I just don’t think that telling people to leave is very productive, since most people don’t do that.