- 5 years ago
I posted here a couple weeks ago, when I found out that my fiance (with whom I have been for the past 4.5 years) has been cheating on me throughout the length of our entire relationship. I’ve learned that he regularly goes online to find men, women, transsexuals, couples, group sex parties, etc etc. to have sex with. He’d then come home in time for dinner (if he wasn’t doing it while I was out of town), look me in the eyes, and tell me how much he loves me and can’t wait to marry me. He did the whole works – Ashley Madison, Craigslist casual encounters, Kik (messenger popular with cheaters), Reddit local hookup boards, Tinder, Grinder, and so forth.
My head is still spinning from everything I’ve learned. I have never been happier than I was with him, but now I feel like our entire relationship has been a disgusting lie.
In any case, we have a wedding planned for May 2017, and I obviously need to call it off. I haven’t yet confronted him about everything I’ve learned, so he is completely clueless. I’ve been just completely numb, and mourning the person I thought I was with.
He and I live together, but I guess I have such a good poker face that he has no idea that I’m about to break up with him. Messed up, I know. Although I learned the truth a of couple weeks ago, I haven’t yet left – mostly because I wanted to get past the holidays with my family without completely ruining them for everyone, and enjoy a little calm before the storm ahead. I also need to save at least one more paycheck in order to be able to afford moving out.
Anyways, I wanted to ask for some advice about calling off the wedding. I will notify my side of the family and probably ask for my mom’s help in dealing with more distant relatives. I have family and friends who already booked plane tickets from halfway across the world to attend this wedding, and I feel very embarrassed.
As far as his parents and siblings, though… I’ve become very close to all of them over the past 4 years. I’m in all their family photos hanging all over their house, they already call me their daughter, etc. I want to spare them unnecessary pain – however, I also don’t want to lie for him. I know for a fact that if I don’t shine a light on his cheating, he’ll blam me for everything and then hook another sucker within a few weeks. I know he’ll never stop on his own, so maybe if his family is made aware of what he is, they’ll convince him to get help (he needs SERIOUS sex addiction therapy) and/or prevent another woman from having to go through what I’ve had to? Is there a tactful way to tell them that he’s been cheating on me for years with anything that moves?
As far as other wedding logistics…Unfortunately, my beautiful wedding dress can’t be returned. The venue/caterer and photographer have contracts that only allow a refund if they’re able to book another client for that date. Are there any websites that connect local brides with vendors looking to fill sudden openings? I know a lot of people got engaged over the holidays, so maybe I can find someone to take over my date.
I’m feeling very alone right now. I’ve told my 3 closest girlfriends about the situation, and they’re all very supportive – but they don’t understand why I don’t just pack up and leave tonight. I’m honestly still building up my courage for it, but mostly I feel that if I don’t make a plan first, it’ll hurt me much more than it has to. My family lives far away out of state, so I’m kind of on my own here. I don’t want to end up sleeping in a car with my cat, which is what will happen if I have to pack up and leave tonight. :/