- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
So last night Darling Husband and I were at a bar with friends and the waiter completely screwed up my order — like, every single thing was wrong. But of course I was totally polite and calm, correcting the errors and apologizing for making a fuss. Once the waiter was gone, Darling Husband laughed at me, saying I am much nicer to waiters than I am to him … which, I mean, duhhh. He’s my husband; I don’t have to be nice to him! So then we started thinking through all the different ways that we are nicer to wait staff than to each other (and how things generally work differently than at home), and of course hilarity ensued. Here are a few examples:
Ordering at restaurant:
Waiter: What would you like?
Me: I’d like the seared ahi wrap, rare.
Darling Husband: I’d like the bacon cheesburger, rare.
Waiter: Coming right up!
Ordering at home:
Darling Husband: What should we have for dinner?
Me: I was thinking we’d finish off that leftover chili.
Darling Husband: Eh, I dunno, isn’t that kind of old? I’m not sure I really want that. I’ll just have a bean burger from the freezer.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, that was my mistake for making it sound optional. You’re having leftover chili for dinner.
Drinks at restaurant:
Waiter: What can I get you to drink?
Me: Just a big glass of water, please.
Drinks at home:
Darling Husband: I’m getting some juice. Want me to grab you anything?
Me: Umm, actually yeah, could you refill my–
Darling Husband: Too late, I’m already in the kitchen.
Bussing the table at a restaurant:
Waiter: Can I take your plate, or are you still working on that?
Me: Oh, still working on it, thanks!
Bussing the table at home:
Darling Husband: You done with that plate?
Me: DID THESE LAST FIVE FRENCH FRIES BECOME F***ING INVISIBLE? STOP RUSHING ME!
Dessert at a restaurant:
Waiter: Can I get you some dessert?
Darling Husband: Yes, we’re going to share the _______.
Dessert at home:
Me: Can I have a bite of your ice cream?
Darling Husband: NO IT’S MINE GET YOUR OWN!!!
When things go wrong at a restaurant: (aka the example that started it all)
Waiter: You said you wanted eight of the hot wings with Ranch, right?
Me: No, sorry, it was twelve of the cajun wings, with blue cheese.
When things go wrong at home:
Darling Husband: You said you wanted eight of the hot wings with Ranch, right?
Me: Are you f***ing kidding me? I said TWELVE of the CAJUN wings with BLUE CHEESE. Were you even listening? YOU NEVER LISTEN! I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER TO TALK! TWELVE EFFING CAJUN WINGS! AND I HATE RANCH!!! YOU KNOW THIS! HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER HOW MUCH I HATE RANCH? YOU IDIOT!!!!!!
(that last one might have been a little exaggerated)
How else is home different from a restaurant?