(Closed) Pressure from parents to have kids

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My Mother-In-Law gave us a video camera as a wedding shower gift! “you know.. for when you have kids to record”.  Don’t get me wrong…. it’s an awesome present and we LOVE it.  But the message was not so subtle.

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

@Moose -You should ask her if she wants you to record the conception too!

On my side I had the first grandkids.  On my husband’s ther were so many grandkids, no one cared to bother us. 

Your parents must be having so much fun with their new grandbabies, they have baby fever.  But if you don’t feel ready, let them know that good things come to those who wait.  Besides, they can enjoy the ones they have now, while they are little.  Instead of splitting time.

  

Post # 5
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@guitargirl – at least it’s over the phone – you can tune out and watch tv and eventually your dad will get the hint when you’re not talking back!

hehe @moose and tanya. I would be down for the baby talks if my in laws bought us video cameras! Keep the baby talk coming. For now my Mother-In-Law just asks me if i’m “with child” when i have a headache.

Post # 6
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My husband’s mother puts on the pressure BIG TIME and it’s super annoying.  My husband’s sister already HAS a child, so it’s not like this woman has no grandchildren.  But evertime she e-mails me, she ends it with

P.S. Grandchildren???? Laughing

I just want to be like “Shut the F up!  We’ll have ’em when/if we have ’em!”

She’s got this plan that she wants to take all her grandchildren to see the national parks and stuff and do this whole road trip thing.  And my SIL’s son is now four, and she wants to take them when they’re around 8-10 or something, so she keeps going “Well… I don’t want to do two trips, so you need to have them soon so they’re all close in age.”  I’m thinking when I do have kids, I’m not going to let them go on her stupid trip anyway!  That will teach her!

My parents, who have NO grandchildren, have not pressured us at all or even brought up kids to us.  The few times we’ve talked about kids with my parents was when I brought it up!  My parents would never bring it up themselves because they respect that we’ll have them WHEN (and IF) we want them.

Post # 7
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My mom is really pushing grandcildren. My dad isn’t pushy at all nor his dad. His mom says she’s not pushy but subtle hits are there.

Post # 8
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@Adira  OMG, that P.S. would drive me nuts!

I haven’t gotten any pressure on either side which is good-if I were to get pressure (families on both sides aren’t like that so it ain’t gonna happen) I would stop them in their tracks the second or third time and that would be the end of it.

Post # 9
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

OMG YES! My Mother-In-Law wants grandbabies sooo bad she can’t hardly stand it. She’s annoyingly passive-agressive about it sometimes tho… “Now I know you two will have kids when you’re ready, but just for the record, I think sooner is better than later.” It gets pretty irritating after a while.

On the opposite side of that coin, I think MY mom would be happy if we never had children. She already has one grandchild (my niece) that she’s seen once, and that was at my wedding. I understand that she lives 10 hours away, but she doesn’t even show interest in phone conversations.

Post # 10
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

how about this one, my Fiance and I know we will have a kid, he wants one now, I want to wait a bit. My mom who knows about this is totally excited to have a grandkid, but says that I HAVE to wait until I am married, and that I can’t possible move far away from her to have the kid, since it wouldn’t be fair to her! 

HA didn’t know having the kid had to be fair to the grandma, and she keeps saying but his mom already has grandkids, now it’s my turn. ARGH, makes me just want to move to the BVI and have my kid there, just to put my mom in her place, hehe

Post # 11
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

On my side of the family there are no grandkids yet and it looks like we’ll probably have the first.  My parents are very careful to not pressure us but my mom has admitted to looking forward to it and she totally gets baby fever when she’s around little ones.  So that’s nice.  I’m not sure how it will be for my sisters.

I have said I’m extraordinarily thankful for my husband’s nieces several times.  Without them I think we would get some pressure to produce grandbabies but as is, they haven’t mentioned it once other than future references with no timeline insinuated!  They have their hands full with the two grandkids they have now! 

We’re pretty good about brushing hints and questions off though.  They don’t really bother me.  Of course, no one is as insistant as a lot of you bees’ people!

Post # 12
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

The pressure from MY parents I dont’ mind that much. Because I have a very candid relationship with my mother I can just jokingly tell her “MOM! I don’t know yet! Are you offering free daycare or what? No? Then back off,” if she’s pressuring me. But it’s nice to be able to bring the subject up to her when I want to talk about it in more theoretical terms (we’re actually trying already, but she has no idea) since she’s really excited for when it will happen. My husband’s parents have never even really hinted around to our future kids, so no pressure there. The people who really drive me nuts are extended family members on both sides. Every time we see them at family events we get at least a few questions about when we’ll have babies. I usually just turn 8 shades of red and say “someday” since I’m too shy to tell them to mind their own beeswax.

Post # 13
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re lucky I guess…we don’t want any kids and our parents are both cool with it. I know they would like grandkids, but they’re not going to push us to go against our wishes to get them. It’s everyone else that drives me nuts! My cousins who have kids are always like “Do you really not want any?” Other people do the “oh you’ll change your mind”. My ex-chiropractor actually didn’t want to do an x-ray on my neck because he said he didn’t want me to be exposed to the radiation and then get pregnant. I said I wasn’t having kids, and he said “Wait until you’re 30, you’ll change your mind.” Got the last laugh on him though…I said, “Don’t you look at my chart? I AM 30!” Shut him up pretty quick! Laughing

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My parents already have 2 grandkids from my sister, so there’s not really the pressure from them. My FH’s parents however… My FH is their oldest child so they’re VERY anxious for grandkids. Even my 7 year old Future Sister-In-Law has told me that she wants to be an Aunt. Wow… Talk about pressure!!

Post # 15
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We are, but mostly in a joking way.  My mom is the worst. 

Post # 16
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

My Future Mother-In-Law told me that we BETTER have kids, because she wants more grandbabies. I just told her, we will decide if/when it is right for us, that the decision isn’t hers and nor will we discuss our choice with her. It didn’t go over well with her at all, but I really don’t care, none of hers or anyones business, in my opinion.

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