(Closed) Pressure to Have Kids?

posted 11 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

You know who pesters me the most about having kids?

MY FIANCE!

He’s 32 and I’m 24. He cannot wait to have kids. I just tell him I want to enjoy being married for awhile first, and it normally shuts him up (at least for a week or two). Emotionally, Im ready, but our checkbook barely supports the two of us. I’ve promised that after the wedding is done, and our (small) loans are paid off, I’ll throw out the birth control.

As far as everyone else goes, I just give people a quick “It’ll happen when it happens”, and that’s it. Usually, that’s enough to suffice. It’s saying that it will happen, not ruling kids out. But it will let them think whatever they want to think and stop bugging me.

I think this is going to be something that everyone deals with, and there’s no surefire way to shut people up.

Post # 18
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t get any pressure, but then I am 28. I put pressure on myself.LOL I want a baby soon and thankfully my SO(31) is on board. SO, it’s just waiting on the right time with us.

Post # 19
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t expect any pressure until I’m done with law school in two years because both of our families are respectful of education.  But anyone who suggests I have kids “soon” or asks “when” after that is going to get a long lecture on how I didn’t go to one of the best law schools in the country to quit after two years to have children.  Perhaps he or she should ask my then husband if he wants to quit his 80hr/week residency to raise children.  Oh wait, no one suggests that to a man.  He or she is going to be on the way to the hospital anyway because my foot is going to be SO far up his or her rear end.

Post # 20
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah, I got my grandma and my FI’s grandma saying things like that quite often. But I don’t really consider that as pressure. I always laugh and answer something like “Well – in some years…”

Post # 21
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We were being pressured at the wedding!

Post # 22
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I absolutely, positively do not want to belittle what you’re going through, but if you think the pressure is intense during your early twenties, it’s waaaaaaay worse when you’re in your early thirties. I’m 31 and my fiance is 32, and some people just don’t understand that We. Don’t. Want. Kids. Not now. Not ever. But because I’m in my 30s, it’s somehow expected that we’ll start popping them out the moment I’m wearing my wedding ring. I totally feel your pain. 

For people who are close enough to us for it to not be none of their business, we explain that we’re childfree by choice and that isn’t going to change. For the “none of your darn business” folks, we tell them that we’re going to enjoy being married for a while before we even consider having children.

Post # 23
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Our families don’t even know for sure that we plan to get married (although I’m sure they get the idea), and I still get the occasional comment from my mother. 

While we were there over Christmas, she mentioned that she bought a couple of extra copies of an out-of-print children’s book we all loved as kids, and wants my slblings and I to have them to read to “your kids…when you have them…but no pressure. Well, maybe a little.”

My response was, “Put your pressure on someone else.” I’m only 23 and have told her many times in the past that I’m leaning toward not having kids.

My SO’s brother and SIL gave his parents their first grandchild a little over a year ago, so I’m sure we won’t get any comments from them anytime soon.

Post # 24
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom makes comments once in a while like “you guys need to hurry up and get married so you can have kids”  I used to tell her to go talk to my older step brothers and make them get married and have kids, but now… well I’m starting to take her side.  Whenever the engagement and wedding do eventually come, I think I’ll go off the pill right before the wedding.  FI is so super good with kids so I think we’re ready!

Post # 25
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Wow, I’m the opposite. My husband and I are not being pressured at all. Of course, now we’re expecting our first in June. We were hoping to wait for several more years too. Whenever someone asked when we would like to have children though, it used to be the same answer, ‘if it happens, it happens’.

Post # 26
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It is unbelieveable how we aren’t even married yet and how much people are asking us already!  We’re making it pretty clear that we would like to wait for at least 2 years, so  I hope people back off.  My Future Mother-In-Law already gave her comment, “I guess we’re going to have to wait like 3 years then before we have grandchildren,” and I replied with a YES!  It’s our timeline not theirs. 

Post # 27
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m 20 years old & although I’m not really getting PRESSURE my dad definitely wants me to have kids in the next 5 years. I also would like to, just because I’d like to start my family BUT I also want to make sure I have my stuff together by then! Even though everyone says “You’re NEVER ready for kids” well…I could be a lot more prepared than I am now!

Post # 28
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Most of my family knows that FH and I are very seriously thinking of remaining childfree- we are only 19 and 21, but I know myself well enough that when I make a big decision, I usually won’t change my mind. We decided I’m going to get Paraguard and at the end of the 10 years, if we still don’t want kids, he’s getting a vasectomy. But my mother doesn’t know, or maybe just doesn’t believe, that we don’t want children. She is telling people that she is pretty sure she’ll be a grandma within the next 5 years! Yeah, maybe if little brother weren’t so painfully shy, she could have an “oops” from him while he’s in high school or college… Of course, by the time my mom was my age, she already had had both of her children, so maybe 23 or 24 seems like a really great age to be having kids to her?

Post # 29
Member
5150 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@ejs you crack me up 🙂 love love LOVE that honesty! haha

For us it is a different situation…my fiances mom was young when she had him and his brother (20 and 21) but my mom was older (got married at 19 but waited a kind of long time considering).

I want to have kids as soon as we get married! But we are planning on waiting until after the move (to Texas right before/after the wedding) and after we *hopefully* find a home we want to buy.

Our parents arn’t pressuring us in anyway…but I know his extended family expects us to get crackin’ since that is how everyone in their family has done it…his cousin who is the same age as us got married in May and it already expecting. I know our parents will be THRILLED if we get pregnant… and very supportive, but I think even though they were also young, they are hoping we wait and get our own lifes settled first (Money wise, house wise, move wise, etc)

We are young, we will both be 23, but very mature for our age. I hope that in a year from now, I will be pregnant!

Post # 30
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

People are already asking us.  I don’t think there’s too much pressure, they do suggest we wait but not too long.  I think people overall are really curious and I’m pretty surprised that we’re getting these questions already.  I thought we would get them AFTER we were married.

Post # 31
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We’ve been getting pressure from everyone, especially my casual friends. Whenever someone ends up pregnant, the same 3 girls always look at me and go, “You’re next!” It’s pretty annoying. It’ll happen when it happens and the constant expectation of us getting pregnant immediately is a little tiring.

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