(Closed) Pressure to Have Kids?

posted 11 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 32
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m 21 and wil be 22 when I wed next January. He’s 25 and will be 26 by the time we wed in Jan. and will actually be only 3months away from turning 27 by then. I put more pressure on us to have kids then anyone else. I know it’s insane but I feel my clock ticking hard. Though I still have more college to go through and I’m actually considering NOT going to vet school (my dream job is a vet) just so we can have kids because it’ll be impossible to devote myself to my husband, my schooling, my child, and my job. Vet school is really hard to get into. His gandma who raised him is already making baby blankets for us, but I don’t see that as pressure. I just see that as being sweet and sorta depressing. Depressing because she’s making them just in case she’s not around when we have kids. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 33
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Nope! ๐Ÿ™‚ My BF is 36 and has already been married (in which they decided mutually that they did not want children) and me, well, I’ve always been very expressive about my distaste for children, and how I never want them, and plan to live my life accordingly. People know that we both do not want them. Ever. So they don’t even ask. In fact, my mom tells me I’d be stupid to have kids. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks Mom! haha

Post # 34
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It hasn’t been too bad.  Everytime someone says something to me, I just tell them I’m only 23, there’s time.  I’d be okay if we started a family soon, we just can’t afford to feed a third person yet.

Post # 35
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

As much as P and I want babies, we’ve decided to wait at least two years- he needs to have his college diploma and a full-time job, and I want to have been working for a while. And after a three-year engagement, we DEFINITELY want time to enjoy being married!

Our moms and friends can’t wait for us to have babies that they can spoil (there aren’t any grandchildren yet and none of our friends are planning on getting married), they all agree that it’s smarter to wait and respect our decision.

The problem is P’s father thinks that we’re not going to use birth control (everyone in our families are Protestant except for him- he’s Catholic). He’s expressed to P many times that we shouldn’t use any form of birth control. It’s a bit awkward to deal with.

Post # 36
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We started getting pressured to have babies BEFORE we got engaged!  I’m 27, he’s 30…both our parents started families in their early 20’s – this means they think we are taking a very long time to hop on the baby wagon.  HOWEVER, we don’t even want children!  I love kids, but I’m finding at this point in my life I don’t have patience for even my dog! (I understand, this may change in a few/several years)  I found that when people asked when we were going to start having babies and we answered, “We’re not” – the qustion rarely gets asked!  They are thrown off by the mere suggestion that we could be so selfish….

Post # 37
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Haha!  Try pressure NOT to have any kids!!

Post # 39
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yuppers! I am 26 and he will be 28!

He has a child from a previous marriage, he is ready to have kids and we get the question ALL THE TIME, I do want kids, like you, I think around 30ish is a good time!!! LOL I am in no hurry! But I guess more than anything…I would feel GUILTY getting pregnant anytime soon. Its horrible and something I cant tell most people, but his ex wife is a mean horrible person and holds his daughter from him all the time, he so does not get to see his daughter enough, and its HEARTBREAKING, so with planning a wedding and trying to save for that, we dropped a FEW grand on a lawer to try to get his daughter more! Right now his daughter is six, when she is here she does not want to leave, she treasures her time with her daddy, and I would feel guilty thowing a baby into the mix anytime soon.  I mean I will eventually want a child, but right now his little girl I love to death and want to see her more, and start getting her more once the legal stuff kicks in etc… so I guess one day hopefully she will get to see her daddy more and have a ROUTINE and then we can think about having kids of our own without me feeling guilty or creating a confusing hard time for her! I just want to give her time with her daddy and be the center of our world! She is such an angel!

Its just a poopy situation! : (

Post # 40
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am 23 and the boy is 24. My mum has been on our case for pretty much the last 3 or 4 years. It’s driving me insane. She has even starting buying stuff for “her grandchildren”. She is totally insane. Little does she know that I don’t plan on having kids for at least 3 years after we get married.

Post # 41
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m extremely career oriented and don’t really want kids. My mom agrees with me but my dad has already made comments to my mom that he wants GK (even though he’s not happy about the wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ Even though FI’s family hasn’t come out and said directly that they want GK they make it known in other ways. Fi’s great grandmother is also still alive and i have a feeling she will be hounding us on our wedding day to have her a great-great-grandchild!

Post # 42
Member
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance is turning 30 this year and has been extremely ready for kids ever since his niece was born (almost three years now).  I get random comments about it from him allllll the time.  It drives me nuts.  Especially because if we get preggers before our wedding we’re pretty much hosed.  (Our priest won’t marry us if I’m pregnant and we’d have to wait until a year after the baby is born.)

Post # 44
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i am 26, fi is 28… we are both working full-time and ill be starting law school in may, fi’s already in a mba program. we don’t plan on having children until i’m finished with law school and working as a lawyer for a couple of years.

probably when i’m 31 is the earliest i’ll even try.

the pressure isn’t said much… our friends joke about it… but i feel internal pressure being that Future Father-In-Law is MUCH older, turning 69, (he was 40 when they had FI)… which means he’ll be 75 when we plan to start trying… and Fiance is his only son!

and of course MY mom and MY aunts are all telling me that i shouldn’t be on the pill too long and that i shouldn’t wait until my 30s cuz it’ll be detrimental to my health.

 

so yes i definitely feel the pressure in one way or another… not overkill, but def some pressure.

and to think when i was growing up, i didn’t even want to be married until i was at least 30!

Post # 45
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

when we marry i will be 26 he will 39.  He has no kids and has never been married before so yes we have talked about kids. But I have said that if we chose to have kids I want to stay home with them until the youngest is 3.  Is that wrong of me to say or ask??  He is for it and all but it still freaks me out a little.  I need to be out there as well bringing home the bacon.  So I guess he is the one that is pushing me.  He don’t want to be an “old” dad.  But guys these days are having kids well into the 50’s so I guess it’s all up too the 2 people.

Post # 46
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know exactly how you feel. I am 20 years old, and will be 20 when I am married.  My future in laws, as well as my own sister keeps asking me when I will have children, I kindly respond, “When were ready” I cannot stand it when people tell me when I should have children. I dont want them soon because A-I dont picture myself having children so soon. B- We are not financially stable to support another life. C- We want to enjoy married life for as long as we can and not be rushed to grow up.

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