(Closed) Pressure to look perfect

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i’m getting a lot of pressure from my mum on it – she wants to make sure i look great for my day. all our conversations around the wedding have focused on what my attire / accessories, etc are.

i’m trying to balance it by reminding myself that it’s a day in my life.. an important day but really just a great big party surrounded by all my friends and family – who’ve seen me bright red from drinking, with smudges on my face and all sorts of other embarrassing moments (i’m a klutz!) they’ve seen the worst of me… so i should just make sure i’ll have fun no matter what.

i guess i’m telling myself i DON’T have to be perfect – just happy, which for me means being clean and presentable! ๐Ÿ™‚

i’m not sure if that philosophy might help you? (ps: i’m also freaking out about other details around that day instead – channeling my energy elsewhere if you will!)

Post # 4
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yes, and no. I’m working out like mad, but I’m also a cyclist, coming back form an accident, so it feels good to go. I am planning ahead some- evening out tan lines, weekly face scrubs and manicures, but I’m not going nuts over it.

For me, the big question is how much is my hair and makup worth. I hate to spend the $, but the lure of perfect curls and all-day makeup is pretty alluring.

Post # 5
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Nope, doing my own hair/makeup unless I can talk my very special aunt or cousin into doing my hair. I will probably let my mom do my makeup. She just does such a good job!! That will be the only thing she has to worry about. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am going to work out to make sure I have done everything I can to make myself look toned and hot, but I’m not going to stress out about it.

Post # 6
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally know what you mean. I keep staring myself in the mirror… and not admiringly either! I guess I just remind myself that my fiance loves me RIGHT NOW as I am, 15 lbs heavier than I’d like, blemishes and all. That’s all that really matters, right? 

Post # 7
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I know exactly how you feel.  I’ve got spa appointments booked for day before the wedding to scrub my skin so it’ll look nice.  On the wedding day I have two hair appointments and two make up appointments booked (so everything can be touched up).  My craziness extends to all my wedding projects as well… I feel the need to make it all perfect.  It’s sick but I can’t help myself.  And I’m making myself sick with worry trying to pull it all off and I can’t stop.  

I think it’s a me thing though… the perfectionist in me… not a wedding industry thing.  A me thing.  Something for me to work on for sure.  An opportunity to grow and learn I guess.  If I don’t go crazy before the wedding that is.  

Good timing on this post… I was just musing about this on my blog yesterday b/c I made myself sick (literally, to my stomach) with worry over wedding projects.

Hang in there.  And I’ll just say what everyone tells me… It’ll all work out and in 10 years you won’t care.  (Even though I don’t quite believe it myself yet)

๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

On your wedding day, you will feel the most beautiful you’ve ever felt. You won’t be thinking about those trouble spots you thought you had. I was the same way (nervous about pictures, beating myself up for not spending more time in the gym) but on the day of I really just felt great!

Just get your self there! Only a couple more weeks!

Post # 9
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I really don’t have this problem. I’ve never been the sort of person to dream about my wedding day or anything. I’m relying on my aunt and cousin to do my hair and makeup the day of. I have no idea what I will look like! I know it’s crazy but I’m sure they will do a great job.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, yeah, kinda! OK kind of a lot. I worked out like crazy, was EXTRA careful about what I put in my mouth (coworkers were shocked to see me eating jelly beans today. Everyone gave me crap for it b/c I never ate junk b/c of the wedding!) and I was always stressing over my skin. I stopped wearing foundation for a week and a half leading up to the wedidng. As in naked face+mascara. Unheard of for me. I had my teeth whitened. I went tanning (AGH!). I went on a no-salt diet. I wore strapless swimsuits EVERYWHERE even though it meant almost flashing some kids at a pool. I kept nice, acrylic nails on all the time so when people grabbed my hand they weren’t embarassingly chewed up. I spent money on bikini waxes and some other super high end beauty things that I am too embarassed to admit, even on WB. Although it WAS totally worth it and the wedding was just a little incentive for some things. Some things I just wanted to do to take care of myself, now that iw as finally OUT of college and had money, I felt like I could spend it on myself to make myself look and FEEL better. If you feel confident, you exhude that. And it shows in all aspects of your life. By the way, I’m a professional money-justifier =].

On the day of, nobody would have noticed or cared if I weighed 5 pounds or more, was 5 shades tanner or lighter, or whether my teeth were ever so slightly whiter. Oh, and I had two huge zits on my back right where my sports bra goes. Like, huge deep cyst ones. And you know what? A bridesmaid whipped out foundation, put a little sparkle powder over my back, and it disappeared. NOT worth stressing over, lemme tell ya, girl. 

In the end, it’s all about how you feel. But you know, I want to get back to my pre-wedding weight now b/c I realize how comfortable and happy I was without all this extra excessive muffin top hanging out on my dress pants. My top button has remained unbuttoned for a week now. I know. =( 

Post # 11
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am just now feeling it. I got back from vacation and told my soon-to-be mil about my over indulgence … chocolate, chocolate, steaks, chocolate … more chocolate … lol and she answered "Omg, are you going to fit into your dress!" …

So yes. I guess as soon as it was nice to lay out I would never leave my straps on the bikini up … I wear them strapless so I don’t have lines. 

I will begin the 2 month teeth whitening tray routine soon. I have been taking lots of vitamins and obsessing about my hair, length in particular!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Post # 12
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

People put so much pressure on brides – people who still think we’re getting married next year with the traditional wedding are telling me only to eat "lettuce and water" for two months beforehand. Sheesh, I’m glad I’ve never had an eating disorder. That said, I’m putting lots of pressure on myself! I’m working out every day, focusing on those pesky triceps, and starting to think before eating. The pre-wedding facial doesn’t seem so much like pressure to be beautiful, as something relaxing and indulgent to do beforehand that has the benefit of healthier skin.

Post # 13
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Try not to stress too much.  I found that working out more prior to the wedding doubled as stress relief.  On the wedding day, my hair wasn’t perfect, but I felt great and had a fabulous time.  If you’re worried about looking good in photos – if your photographer is shooting digital, it’s amazing what post-processing can do.  It’s more important to *feel* great than it is to stress out about not *looking* perfect.

Post # 14
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel you. I have over a year…and I’m attempting to work out (since I never do) and I’m starting to really think about what I eat. At the same time I regret when I have a latte, and stuff like that. I’d love to go in to my dress fitting this may, it’d be nice for them to need to take it in a little. And I worry that I might put on more weight…it goes on. haha. And I never worried about this stuff before! It’ll be better once the big day is over.

Post # 15
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I totally understand how you feel! Here is the number one argument against wedding-body-perfectionism: If you push yourself too hard to make too many changes, then as soon as the wedding is over you will start to resent all the changes you forced yourself into and slide back the other way. For example, I lost some weight before the wedding by not eating particularly well or very much, and in the 8 months since then I’ve gained it all back plus a few pounds. I’m right back where I started because the changes I made were induced by an exterior standard, not by my internal desires for myself. My internal desires then and now pretty much are summed up by "want to eat more candy."

Also remember the power of photoshop! If you get a huge zit on your wedding day, you can photoshop it out. You can even whiten your teeth in your photographs. I zapped zits and whitened my husband’s teeth in a few of my wedding photos in a free photo editing program called picnik (http://www.picnik.com).

Regardless, what matters most about a bride and groom is that they’re happy. True happiness makes anyone the most beautiful version of themselves. You are going to be beautiful on your wedding day, don’t let anyone tell you any different, especially yourself. It is impossible for a bride to look bad on her wedding day. So really you are automatically starting with a baseline of "beautiful" and going up from there. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can understand how you,re feeling.  A year out I started obsessing about my wedding attire…but since I purchased my dress I feel a little more relaxed, and more focused on reasonable goals…Although I have been eyeing some La Mer face cream!!

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