(Closed) Pressure to raise straight children…

posted 10 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If one’s sexual orientation were determined by who raised you, there would never be any gay children of happily married hetero couples. πŸ™‚

I would say it sounds like you’re doing a great job with your son, giving him the space to figure out who he is and who he wants to be.

Post # 4
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My father is actually gay. Me and my brother are both striaght I dont really think it matters who raises you I think it matters with how you are born if that makes sense. Its like saying you chose to be homosexual or heterosexual its how you born.

Post # 5
1631 posts
Bumble bee

In my view the only people who would think it was your “fault” if your son turns out to be gay or bisexual are the ones who think homosexuality is a choice. 

By the way, I think it’s awesome that your son is so open about sexuality (even if he’s unsure about it) at such a young age. 

Post # 6
3578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve seen statistics that estimate 10% of people are gay.

I don’t think the sexual orientation of the parent controls sexual orientation of the child. My dad and uncle were raised the exact same way and of course by the same [straight] parents; my dad is straight and my uncle is gay.

I think how you are raising him; to see everyone as equal regardless of gender, sexual orientation, etc., is great! And he will be “him”, whoever “him” turns out to be!

(I don’t have kids of my own yet. I’m straight, but I really don’t care if my future kids are straight or gay, I just want them to be healthy and happy!)

Post # 7
8247 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – if your son is so comfortable and open with you about his sexuality at such a young age, I’d say you are doing a great job raising him!

Someone’s sexual orientation has nothing to do with who raises them and as a PP said, the only people who will think that are people who think you just choose your sexual orientation.

Post # 8
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think this has been said already, though I’ll just repeat it.  πŸ™‚  If your son is gay/bi or whatever label he chooses, I think it will only be “because” of you because you allowed him to be open with who he is and gave him the space and safety to explore his identity.  Which is awesome.

I think one sign of a great parent is one who allows their child to safely explore their identity and supports them throughout that process.  It sounds like you’re definitely doing that, and I’d imagine he’ll become a significantly better adjusted adolescent because of it.  πŸ™‚

Post # 9
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@mightywombat:i agree!


your son is a mature young man, and a caring, consciencious one at that. without a doubt, you’ve done an excellent job and you should be proud of yourself. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Everyone has already said it, but I don’t think who you were raised by or how you were raised has anything to do with sexual orientation. However, it’s so great for your son that he feels comfortable with himself and with discussing his sexuality with you. I wish more parents would raise their kids to be comfortable with whoever they are, even if they aren’t even sure yet. You are a great parent with an amazing kid and he’ll be the same amazing kid no matter who he chooses to love!

Post # 11
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Today’s society is just more open about this subject–did you even understand “gay” when you were a teenage?  Given your sexual preference and the lessening of taboo, his friends and he just think differently than we did.

“He speaks up when other boys talk in nasty ways about girls.  He’s very much focused on fairness and equality and calls people out on racism and sexism.  He’s an awesome kid… he’s quite the little activist and he makes me very proud.”

You should be proud!  You are definitely doing something right here.  I really wouldn’t worry about his sexuality.  He will figure it out eventually.  It might be a little painful, but that is the case for most people.  The most important thing is that he has supportive role models in his life.

Post # 12
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Gay people are born that way, period. It is not a lifestyle choice. Your son has no more control over being gay, than he does being born with a certain eye or hair color. I am the oldest of three daughters raised by straight parents. I am straight, my youngest sister is straight, and my middle sister is gay. 

Your son sounds like a great kid. LOVE him and make him feel accepted and safe no matter what he is.

Post # 13
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well, I can’t speak from the parenting perspective, but I can give you the offspring perspective. I’m a bi woman, my mother is bi, my sister is bi, my dad is straight and has many female friends and is sometimes jokingly referred to as an honorary lesbian. I hate that you’re being questioned about your son’s identity as though it’s someone’s “fault”. What I can say is that if I had grown up in a family that had problems with anyone who wasn’t straight, I would have much bigger problems in life than being bi, as a result of not being comfortable with myself. I don’t know what should be done about people in your life who have that perspective about your son and imply that you should raise him some other way, but I think they need an attitude adjustment. Major kudos to you for being a great mom.

Post # 15
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel zero pressure to raise a straight child. I feel even less obligation to answer people’s innappropriate questions regarding my child’s sexuality.

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