(Closed) Pressured to move in with him

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 34
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t read your other threads – why do your parents disapprove so much?

Post # 35
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

A quote from your previous thread “My mom now thinks my SO is a selfish, controlling, manipulative person…”

Considering he is threaterning to break up with you if you don’t move in with him, I think your mom might be on to something.

 

Post # 36
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I don’t want to be harsh, but I wouldn’t want to date someone who waffled so much between their parents’ “controlling” ways and me. 

“My SO has always thought my parents were too controlling, which they most definitely are (verified by multiple therapists and my sister), and encouraged me to make my own choice here.”  Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/help-parents-vs-f-fiance-blowout/#ixzz3z1fAHsmJ

I am not sure you are being fair to him, it seems like you might want to take time to focus on school and resolving your power issues with your parents. I know that will hurt, but it would give you breathing room to become your own person before you make a huge life decision. 

Post # 37
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
koalaboo:  he shouldn’t pressure you if you aren’t ready. You two are not in the same place in the relationship. He is ready to commit to you and move forward, and you very clearly question whether he is the one for you (and even wonder if you might meet someone else.) It’s totally ok if you aren’t ready. However, it is also ok for him to want to move in together and to break up with you if you aren’t in the same place.

I was kind of in the same situation when I was your age – my ex was ready to move in together and I wasn’t. My excuse was the place I was in with my career and finances, but honestly, looking back it was because I knew deep down that he wasn’t the one. I cared about him and enjoyed his companionship so I didn’t want the relationship to end, but we really should have broken up at that point. Instead the relationship dragged on for another year, with him resenting me the whole time – the whole thing turned ugly by the time we finally broke up and it didn’t have to. 

Post # 38
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
larissakay:  That was my first thought too.

Worrying you might meet someone else is troubling. When my Fiance and I moved in I was worried about a lot of stuff: how we’d handle the chores, how’d we pay all the bills, etc. But I never for once thought about it ending over one of us meeting someone else. that’s just a non-starter. The fact that you’re having those types of thoughts tells me that you’re not ready. If you’re still thinking this after almost 2 years in…he doesn’t sound like the guy for you. 

ETA: I get that you say that this idea is instilled by your parents and that it’s just a “what if” kind of thought, but really…you could meet someone else at any point in your life. To use that as a reason to not move forward (one of them) shows I don’t think this guy is right for you. I think you’re being pressured too much in both directions by your SO and your parents. I think it’s time to take a step back, be by yourself, and figure out what it is you truly want. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  llevinso.

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