Post # 1
How do you ladies deal with presumptuous and snarky posts? Its hard to, and sometimes unnecessary, to give a full background on your decisions or actions without writing a book, so some posters can be so assuming rather than asking questions. Do you ladies ignore them? Feel the need to justify? Or just plain ol cuss them out?! Lol.
What do each of you do?
Post # 3
@graste: People can respond however they want when you put something out here asking for opinions. It’s just the internet – I really wouldn’t give it a moment more thought.
Post # 4
Ultimately, we’re all strangers to each other and we do not take part in any other’s life. While the Hive is incredible for support on some topic, it’s true that sometimes, people can assume about your life (or your intentions) from what you wrote. When asking advice we do our best to explain the situation, but still the other Bees have only the information we choose to provide to answer us the best they can, too. I really think the majority has good intentions. But misunderstandings happen, and so do snarkiness. You just have to remember if somebody is being overly ”agressive” toward you, that you don’t owe that person anything – you don’t know them in real life and chances are others are truly willing to help, so skip their message, and answer those who asked for more clarifications.
Post # 5
great approach and well put!
Post # 6
@graste: You are correct, people will make assumptions when they don’t know the whole story, that’s why you should really make an attempt at giving everyone the full view when asking for advice.
But honestly, you really need to take everything here with a grain of salt – there are so many bee’s from so many areas, and you can’t compare one area to another, throw in the fact that EVERYONE has their own opinion, and you won’t be able to make everyone happy, if anyone at all.
One of the first questions I asked the bee was about my menu, and there were ALOT of bee’s who were pretty upset because I wasn’t offering a vegetarian option… I literally don’t KNOW anyone who is vegetarian and invited to my wedding.. so why would I?
For instance… dollar dances.. most bee’s call them tacky/begging for more money, but where I’m from people EXPECT them, and are very opinionated about NOT having them. My family doesn’t consider them “tacky” at all and get upset if you mention not having them. Should I listen to the bees who think it’s tacky? No.. that’s silly! I want to please MY family because they are my guests.
Post # 8
you’re right. People can post what they want behind these computer screens. I caught myself trying to explain myself and hindsight Im like “why?” I wouldn’t even give some people the time of day in real life. So I was wondering how everyone else feels. I have seen some women fly off the handle and others not so much.
Post # 9
Like other bees have pointed out – this is the internet. It is very difficult to attach a tone to what is written. I tend to be very blunt when I write, it is my training as a scientist that tends to make me like that. I am sure I have offended others with some of my posts, although that was never my intention. Also, some bees are very thin-skinned and seem to get easily offended if the posts/advice is not what they wanted to hear.
And yes, there is some snarky coments. So what? It is the internet and comments from strangers are pretty much meaningless.
Post # 10
Sometimes it helps to lurk around a forum for a bit and get a feel for it before you begin to post and/or start threads. Every forum has their own unique culture. I just browsed through your threads — here there are a lot of people who get uptight about having a “wedding” after already being legally married. There are also a lot of people who get uptight about people who come here and make comments about expecting other people to pay for things that they want for their wedding. There are tons of threads like this that pop up all the time.
If you think someone has done something against the forum terms of service, notify a moderator. Otherwise, starting threads like this really doesn’t help.
Post # 11
@graste: I think that when you post on a message board, people are going to respond with their own opinions based on the information you’ve provided. There have been times where I’ve gotten responses to my posts where I want to be like, “noooo it’s not like THAT” or cringe because an overwhelming majority disagree with something that seemed acceptable in my mind.
In your case, I can see you brought up two hot button issues. For one, you asked your future in laws to pay for your honeymoon, and second, you were married secretly months before your wedding celebration. Obviously, bees are going to have strong opinions about this as they do every time these issues come up, and sometimes, an unfavourable opinion comes off as snarky.
If you think what they’re saying doesn’t apply to your situation, then just ignore it. It’s a public forum and all you can do is control your own conduct 🙂 I’ve been there, it sucks, it’s hard to ignore, but you just need to move on.
Post # 12
interesting! I used to google a lot of things while planning and this site came up ALL the time, so I decided to join.
I haven’t seen this side of it, so I was just curious as to what other approaches were. And if I didn’t start this thread I would not know the inside tips you just gave! Lol. But seriously, thanks for the tip.
Post # 14
I have found a good way to deal with posts like that in a thread is to only reply to posters who are offering constructive advice. You don’t owe anyone an explanation (although sometimes updating or clarifying things that may not have been clear in your OP can help if you are really looking for advice and a lot of people seem to have misconstrued what you said).
Post # 15
I would just ignore. But you can’t expect to post what many consider to be a controversial subject and not get feedback you don’t agree with, IMO.
Post # 16
are you kidding?! I disagree with people all the time… In real life too. Lol. I agree with what your saying 100% I just think people can be tactful. But like @cmbr suggested, I’ll poke around different forums before posting To make sure I get to the question I have without it being overshadowed by a touchy issue.